A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:(i'm 16) basically i went out with this guy and broke up with him just under a month ago. It was a very difficult relationship and was extremely rocky towards the end (didnt end exactly well). Anyway his very close friend (who i got with just before going out with my ex) who i am totally and utterly inlove with. Everyone around me has noticed his flirting throughout with me during going out with my ex who would hate me going out with his friend. 2 weekends ago me and this guy (im inlove with) met at a party again and he was extremely drunk. He went on to say that i am perfect and everything he wanted and that he thought about our kiss. I feel that all his friends would disapprove. However i feel after that night he's been more distant and not as close. Why is this? Could it work - although i feel he would have to choose one of his closest friends or me. And naturally i think hes picked his friend (my ex)what do i do? Why has he become distant? When he was drunk was he telling the truth or went over the top and exaggerated everything? I am so confused and so inlove with him. ( i broke up with my bf because i knew i had feelings for this other guy and wouldn't be able to have those feelings for him) thanks - sorry it's so long!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxShort conclusion: I broke up with my ex because I had feelings for his friend who I had dated before (before the ex)
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (6 February 2009):
 Well I'm not totally sure why you went out with this guy in the first place if you were in love with his friend who you dated?! It sounds like you have made a bit of a mess of this and really you should of never dated his friend in the first place.
But you cant change the past! So, my opinion on his drunken outburst. Generally I find that alcohol allows you to express yourself more freely with less inhibitions. It makes you say things you would have normally kept bottled up as you would be scared of the consequences.
So I think the guy whi you really love was being honest when he said those things. But problem is with alcohol is that when you wake up the next day you think Oh My God Why Did I Say That! Hence why he has become distant - he will be embarrassed, worried what his mate would think if he knew etc etc.
So while I think he meant those things he said; there is absolutely nothing you can do. You chose to date the best friend of the guy you are in love with. Not the actions of a girl who is really in love with someone (this will be what the guy is thinking - why did she go out with my friend when she claims to have feelings for me?). He wont trust you now and there is nothing you can do to get this back.
He will always choose his friend over you so I think it is best for you to accept it is over and move on; away from these guys and their circle of friends. Spend some time on your own getting over this guy and then in a few months time you can think about meeting someone new. Dont make the same mistake twice where you go out with someone when you are still in love with someone else.
I'm sorry if any of this has come across harshly, I dont mean to be nasty I just think you need to realise that the way you have behaved was silly and not very well thought out. Mistakes are made but you always learn a lesson, I think that is all you can take away from this.
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