A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Reader, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly five years now. But im 19 and just started university and things have suddenly taken a turn for the worse. I feel like I live a seperate life here and I really like the indepedence and freedom (he is 23 so is still back home). But its hard to carry on a long-distance relationship. I do still love him but I dont know if it can work out. I know that he really loves me and although there are much smarter and better looking guys at uni, i feel like noone could love me the way he does. It gets worse, I think I kinda fancy a guy that I meet in uni. What should I do? Please Help!!!!
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 February 2009):
 This is a really tough situation and you have to make this decision entirely on your own.
I was in a similar situation when I first went to uni, I had a lovely boyfriend and we were so in love. But then I got to uni and loved the freedom of living away from home, I loved being able to go out with friends whenever I wanted and generally just doing whatever I wanted to do! And I felt that by having a boyfriend it was holding me back, and that there might be more out there than him.
I ended up cheating on him (which is not excusable and please dont do this to your boyfriend - if you are going to pursue another guy finish the relationship with your boyfriend first) and we split up because I thought I didnt love him anymore and wanted to live my life and grow as a person.
Now this is just me but after I split up with him and after dating other guys for a few months, I realised there is no-one better out there and I wanted him back - but he wouldnt take me back because I had hurt him too much. So I still regret this decision every day, he was and still is the love of my life and I threw that away with the thought that the grass is greener on the other side. When it really is not.
So you have a really tough decision to make - either you put these urges and curiousities aside and stay with the man who you love and he loves you too.
Or you can take the risk of leaving him, knowing you may not meet anyone like him ever again. But this has its benefits too, having time on your own and being free and single will let you grow as a person, it will help you to mature and live life the way you want to with no restrictions. 19 is a great age to be single, and it is the best time learn about who you are as a person and what you want from life.
I think maybe it is just unfortunate that you have met your boyfriend so young and you didnt meet him after you finished uni. But thats life; timing doesnt always work in your favour.
I'm 21 and still looking for a guy who matches up to my ex (I split up with him when I was 18) so that might give you an idea of what happens when you split up with your boyfriend cos of uni! But you never know, you might meet someone better. This is a risk that you need to decide whether or not you want to take.
But please do one thing for me - if you split up with him, be single for at least 3-6 months! After my ex I bounced from one relationship to another looking for someone to replace my ex. Now I have realised that being on your own for a few months is the best thing to do after a long term relationship - you need time to get over it. While you may fancy a few guys, they will still be around in a few months or there will be some new guys for you to fancy!
I hope this has helped and think long and hard about this; go with what you feel in your heart and that will be all you can do!
Good luck!
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