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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hey. I'm 21 years old, and since I was 17 I have been experiencing something that I thought was pretty normal. I know every woman has body worries, but I feel like mine are getting out of control. I'm a size 10 and weigh just under 9 stone-and I'm aware that that is a normal and healthy weight. I have also been told I'm very attractive and can get a lot of attention when I go out. You would think that this would make me confident-when in fact I just do not understand it. Here's my problems..Everywhere I go I look and compare myself to other women's bodies. I can't even walk past a magazine store without glancng at the top shelf and feeling like crap. And that's not all.I cry nearly every day about my body and contstantly grab at bits of myself I don't like and wish I could just cut them off. I often spend hours a day dreaming of winning the lottery and all the surgery and what not I'd have done to my body.I diet extremely. One week I'll eat 800 calories and burn off 300 (so I am livng on 500) and even when I'm feeling faint and I won't eat. Another week I'll eat takeaways every night. I have also taken laxatives and made myself sick-although not on a daily basis. My boyfriend says he loves my hourglass figure and often says he sees other women giving me jealous looks when on the town. Yet I barely even notice as I'm too busy looking and comparing myself to other women. I thought this was just a teenage phase, but it has gotten worse. Some days I won't even leave the flat.This is starting to affect my life in a big way. My boyfriend is fed up of constatntly reassuring me. My friends have also given up. I spend all my money on food, whether its lots of healthy food or fast food I spend twice as much on food as any other student. Controlling my appearance is the one thing I'm usually proud of as I do not feel clever or ambitious. I was recently offered a modelling contact in London, but I turned it down because I felt too fat. Often when I have pictures taken I am suprised by how nice I look on them-yet I don't believe that is really how I look. After watching an episode of supersize vs superskinny I looked up Body dysmorphia and felt I could relate to it. Anyone who has or is going throught this would love ur advice .TAHNKYOUOOO.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (12 February 2009):
 It sounds like you definately have body dysmorphia and this is very serious, I think the best thing you can do is go to your doctor and ask to see a therapist.
You have made a huge step in realising that you have got this condition so well done for that! But now you need to get help for this; you are displaying some signs of Bullimia and this is very serious, making yourself sick damages your stomach, teeth and can actually kill you.
If you leave this untreated it will only get worse I'm afraid. No-one on here can really help you - you need to see a specialist in the field of eating disorders otherwise you might end up doing permanent damage to your body. The major sign that something is wrong is that you use the phrase "controlling my apperance is the one thing I'm usually proud of as I do not feel clever or ambitious".
The need to control your appearance when you feel other elements of your life are beyond your control is a major sign of an eating disorder and you really must seek help.
I know it will be hard to get the courage to see your doctor but that is the hardest part. Once you have made that big step in admitting you need help with this then you will be on your way to getting better and you will never have these awful thoughts in your head again!
Good luck and I hope you get the courage to go get some help for this, no-one should have to live feeling the way you do about yourself.
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