A
female
age
30-35,
*nidentified-as-of-Late
writes:Hello strangers, I'm only 14 going on 15 but I'm having... 'anxieties' over what my sex life will be.I'm hetero sexual girl, and I beleive that love is love, no matter race, gender, age, or beleif, though I'm terrified of my self.Not just me actual, but every one of my sex. I'm afraid, disgusted, and angered by female tendancies, and the female body in the sexual sense.Which is good right? I'm 'striaght' so my feelings towards members of my own sex shouldn't matter, right? Wrong.These feelings of mine are so intense, that I hate myself for being born a girl, and it effects how I percieve my what will become of my adult(sexual) life.But... its really not so much that I hate being born with a vagina, its more: 'I hate my self because I wasn't born with a penis.'I feel inferior to myself, because mentally I'm essentially a man. A man in the basic 'I know these things from knowing men, but its not a deeper understanding because I am not a man' sense. Examples are,I enjoy contact sports, I'm good with my hands, I constantly need to be verified as better and stronger than my peers, I lock up my emotions to the back of my mind because I just dont feel like I am entitled to them.Another problem, in my mind, I am a man who is sexually attracted to other men.But walking past every mirror, I'm reminded that I am not a man.Talking on the phone, I am not a man.Using the bathroom, I am not a man.Every single one of these reminders is like another knife in my ovaries, and it hurts like a b*tch every time.I get so angry with my sex sometimes, I'm suprised I haven't broken down on the bus one morning, screaming and crying.Not a month ago I took an X-acto knife and cut all my hair off, what was once to mid-back is now never past the nape of my neck.I've come to realize, over the three years I've gone through this that I can't function with the body I've been given, I hate it, it makes me sick to look at. I've decided that I need a sex change, because living in this body is getting harder and harder every day.But I'm so scared, I dont know how to tell my parents, I dont know what they'll think, if they'll hate me, if they'll throw me out. I dont know what to do.But my question really is... if I get the money... go through with the operation, how will... society receive me? What will the world think, dear stranger, what do you think?It means the world to this young, terrified little girl.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (6 February 2009):
 You have made a huge step in telling your mum so well done! And it sounds like your mum is being supportive rather than getting angry so that is great news.
This process will take a long time so just be patient with it, you will get to where you want to be in the end. With regards to your money situation, you may have to face up to the fact that you may have to find the money yourself. When you are old enough, go out and get a job and save as much as you can. From what I understand about the sex change process here in the UK (I'm not sure if it is the same in Canada); the hormones and pre-op treatments generally can be given to you free of charge from your doctors on the grounds of mental health (where the doctor feels that your mental health is suffering because of your feelings towards your gender). The main cost will probably be the surgery, but that is a long way off for you so you may be able to get the money together if you really try.
Just remeber the things you really want in life dont always come easy and if you work hard towards achieving your goal you will get there in the end.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Unidentified-as-of-Late +, writes (6 February 2009):
Unidentified-as-of-Late is verified as being by the original poster of the question I told my mother, she's moving back from the other side of the country and she's going to talk to a doctor with me... about 'seeing what we can do'. This is good... right?
But were a low income family, and Medicare might not pay for it... and we're in a recession. But it's a baby step.
My father wont know until after I talk with a doctor about gender reassignment surgury, and hormone replacement therapy.
I hope things go well.
Thankyou k c100.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 February 2009):
I think you will get a mixed reaction from people in general, as some people are more understanding than others. While soceity is becoming more accepting than it used to, you will still come up against hatred and abuse. This is just something you will have to prepare yourself for - hatred comes from ignorance and lack of education/willingness to understand.
You sound like you have made your decision and being in the wrong body makes you unhappy, so if you truly believe a sex change is the right thing to do then I think you should be supported fully. You wont be able to have this done until you are at least 16 (although I would advise you wait until 18 as your body is still growing) - tell your parents now but explain you wont start the process until you're 18 - this will show them that you are committed to it, and that you wont change your mind over the next few years.
If the change is successful, and done properly, the rest of soceity may never realise you were ever a woman. If you look masculine no-one will really question your gender. You will really only experience problems with people close to you; but in time if they really love you they will get used to it and accept you for who you are. Your happiness should be paramount to you and people close to you. This process will help you find out who your true friends really are.
If at 18 you still feel the same then no-one can judge you on your decision, and as long as you feel you are strong enough to deal with the reactions of other people then there should be nothing stopping you.
Good luck!
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