A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HEllo: I was in an abusive relationship for 12 years, my weight and self esteem were out of conrol, I have gotten myself finally feeling the best about myself since even before I met that parasitic monster... I had been encountering married men who come on strong at my new work, and nieve me, actually believed in such chemistry hoping the one who held me sought me out and told me he loves me would actually be with me, but I decided don't have time for that kind of pain or drama and will and have adjusted accordingly... I'M HERE TODAY because I found a really great guy who is part of a new group of creative friends I've met over the last few months...weeks ago I asked him if he was married, he said no and it's like this.. he has a son, and lives with the boys mother, from what he said she is his soul mate but they don't have sex, and the relationship has been severed for some time..I left that one alone until recently as I got to observe him and get to know him more..he is a good man. Often I have witnessed women give their numbers to him, and he always comes to me to ask me to 'protect' him or come outside with him, if these women want to go outside with him etc..it's funny..then he gives me the low down on what occurred or what not, that is, tell me like a friend what they were all about..and what happened if a group of them went somewhere and I decided not to go, as friends do- do; he is my new friends for sure.That's why he telling me about these women and to help him out right?? i wonder if its cuz he likes me a little more??? Well, recently, last Saturday, I noticed us both looking at eachother more closely while talking, and looking at eachothers eyes. In passing I lightly stoked his back to get by him- to make a flirt gesture i hope- later he threw a book of matches at me with two hearts on it- he explained it laughing, cuz, I emailed him telling him I have his pic with me on a dating web site and when the guys ask who that is in the pic, I tell them , its the guy who will mess you up if you screw with me..HE liked that, (but to let him know that I'm LOOKING was my true point)....later when it came time to leave a few of us remainied gathered and he said my name looking at me them grabbed to hug me smiling saying something, but i spoke over it- I was telling him it is always so good to see him.. Yes, I am nieve because I lived 12 years of a lies and then these married types...uugh. Can some one tell me if it seems a beginning?? I'm not sure if I should tell him that I like him or not, yet, I'm trying to start cluing him in.. I'm putting a new oar in the water, I guess I don't want to be clumsly about this one. I'm a good woman, and I know he's a good guy, maybe I should let it roll a while more??? What do you think? There's nothing but time really, I guess- I'll be seeing him! Thank You.
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flirt, self esteem, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 February 2009):
 To be honest with you it is not a beginning. Even if it was a start, it is a terrtible relationship for you to get into and you should stay away.
read back what you wrote "he lives with the mother of his child" and "she is his soul mate" should be enough to make you run a mile! You cannot have a relationship with a man who is living with another woman, no matter how bad he claims his relationship to be.
You will only get hurt if you continue trying to be involved with this man - unless he suddenly moves out of the house, stops having any feelings for this woman and shows you some encouraging signs then you need to leave him alone and find yourself a nice single guy who will treat you right.
You sound like you have had a tough time in the past and well done to you for getting through it all! You have come out of all that a better person - why would you want to involve yourself in a messy, complicated situation like this guy is in?
And from the way you have described your interactions together, you do sound more like friends than anything else. He comes to you for protection not for flirtation, I think he sees you as someone he can confide in and a great friend rather than someone he could get involved with romantically.
I think the best thing for you to do is stop pursuing this man and move on - there are better, less complicated men out there that are ready to be dating!
Good luck!
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