A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 48 yrsr old, a year ago my wife found out that I was seeing a 28 year old co worker she took it bad and took an overdose it, was because of that I realised that she really did love me but I made it clear to her that I stayed with her not because she took pills but because I love her and I had the affair as I thought she did not love me.She said that she forgave me and we started to go out and do things together, she showed me she cared this was all I ever wanted.I had cheated on her twice before over the years, we have been married for 20 years with her for 28 years. My wife had a thing with sex (she was abused when she was younger) which she told me about when our feelings started to grow she told me everything that had happened to her, I was shocked but fell in love with her, felt proud she loved me enough to tell me about her past. When we met she already had a daughter from her first marriage, we had 2 boys before we got wed (she was unsure to marry again). She made me the happiest I had ever been in my life.Three years into our marriage I cheated with a friend of ours, it only lasted 2 weeks then I cheated again on and off with another woman who I worked with for seven years who was older and of a different race, I never cheated again until a year ago when this girl at work started flirting with me we got on and seemed to share the same intrests, I knew she was married and that she had a reputation but I was taken aback that she was intrested in me so we started an affair.My wife guessed there may have been more affairs so I confessed to the other two. I know I have hurt her real bad and have told her I will never betray her again and I am so sorry for all the hurt and pain. I know she loves me as we are still together but she goes on quite a bit making comments and having a dig at me for what I did, I have hit her just to make her stop. We are then ok for a week then she starts again she says that until we find out why I had the affairs we can't move on. We went to relate that did not help much, they told me that I had to stop hitting her, why do I do this when I love her so much, now she says that we have nothing she does not know what she wants any more, she says that she loves me but does not know if she wants to be with me any more. I can't seem to get through to her that I will never cheat or deceive her again please give me your views.A husband who hopes it's not to late to save his marriage.
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affair, at work, co-worker, fell in love, flirt, girl at work, her past, move on Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): Being betrayed hurts, it hurts like nothing you have ever felt. She is ANGRY very ANGRY. And you are beating her up. My god man, get a grip. You should be fixing things not making it worse. She has a point. Why did you have these affairs? Besides thinking she did not love you.
Why did you stop going to relate? Yes it is uncomfortable especially when you are under the microscope. But you want to save your marriage. You can’t just say I am sorry I will never do it again. There are repercussions; you destroyed trust, she feels unsafe, sad, angry, she feels her relationship of 28yrs was built on a lie and hurt..Surely” I was not sure you loved me “sounds like a silly little excuse.
You need to take responsibility for your hurt and anger that is portrayed in your anger and bad behaviour.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (12 February 2009):
 To be honest here you have nothing to save. You have cheated on your wife a number of times and it seems like the only reason you have stopped cheating for the time being is because you were found out.
Your wife deserves better than this; she has had a traumatic past and she deserves to be treated with love and respect not with violence and complete disregard.
Hitting a woman is not acceptable, under any circumstance. You need to get help for your anger issues; there will be a reason why you feel you have to resort to violence to solve relationship issues.
If you have any love and respect for your wife then you will do the right thing and leave her. You have hurt her too much (both physically and emotionally) for this relationship to ever recover and the best thing for her is to be without you.
For the first time, please do the right thing and leave her. Dont torment this poor woman any more than you already have.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009): You may not like what I have to say, but in my opinion any man that hits a woman is the lowest of the low, and violence towards a woman comes higher up the scale than infidelity. Why hit her? You're the one that caused the problem in the first place. Imagine if she cheated on you and every time you brought it up she slapped you across the face? Where's the justice in that?
You'll never cheat or deceive her again - until the next time? I dare say you're only sorry that you got caught out rather than being genuinely sorry for your behaviour.
I'd advise your wife to call the police the next time you hit her and have you arrested. You deserve nothing less. Perhaps an appearance in court and a couple of column inches in your local paper will bring you to your senses on that score.
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