A
male
age
36-40,
*GB
writes:Advise Please, Ok here it goes, im 22 and sadly still a virgin, not a bad looking guy but when it comes to getting in bed with a girl, i just freeze up....down there if you know what i mean :( ... I dont know if its lack of confidence or what so any advise or help would be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): From a female perspective, I'd say go for it with this woman as she may well the experienced person you need. I think if the time comes you should open up to her and tell her, that way she can guide and help you through it! I've been there too, I only lost my virginity a couple of months ago at 19 which seems so late when compared to everyone around me. I used to panic and make up all sorts of excuses to avoid intercourse, mainly due to fear of the unknown but once you relax it all comes naturally and you can begin to enjoy it..
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Thanks for the advice guys. I dont know in this day and age, there is so much pressure to have sex. Truthfully i have never had a girlfriend, went on some dates but thats about it. Being a virgin at 22, seems like that movie the 40 year old virgin, and the thought is truly discouraging.There is this one girl or better yet women that seems to like me but she is 27, we went out on a couple dates and she wants to take it to the next level but Im so afraid that i wont be able to be able to get it up. Anyways dont know if i should tell her that i am a virgin, A female opinion would be great..... Thanks a lot for all the responses
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 February 2009):
 There could be a variety of reasons why you are having trouble with this. But you need to stop worrying - I think this might be playing a huge part! Stress will not help and I imagine if this has happened a couple of times then every time you get into bed with a girl you will be worrying even before you have taken your clothes off!
Are these girls in question your girlfriend? That is important - if you are comfortable with her and love her then it should be easier than if she is just a hook-up or someone you dont know all that well. If she is a girlfriend then I think you should explain it all to her - she should be able to do a few things to help!
Also, you need to think about a few other things. Have you been drinking when you have tried to have sex? This can stop you from getting an erection so try not to have too much (maybe just one drink for courage!). Do you find it easy to masturbate? If all is working well when you are not with a girl then it is all in your head rather than it being a physical problem.
Think about what it is that scares you about sex - is it pressure to please a girl, is it the fear of the unknown etc? Foreplay should help with this problem - there are many ways of pleasing a woman other than intercourse! When you are comfortable with foreplay then sex should come naturally. Think about what turns you on and see if your girlfriend will do any of it for you.
But most importantly - RELAX! It wont happen if you are stressed over the issue and conscious of the problem. If it still wont happen then the time just isnt right and maybe the girl you are with isnt right either! There is no rush for you to have sex, just be patient and when the time is right it will be perfect!
Hope this helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): Also, one more thing, having the girl help you with this can work wonders. Hopefully, you can simply use your imagination on this one and get your girlfriend to help arouse you. I would suggest having her pull you while looking into your eyes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2009): There is nothing sad about it. If I told you, "I haven't driven a Nissan GTR yet. Sad isn't it?" How would you respond? You would most likely say, "Why would that be sad?"
Exactly. It's a personal thing and has absolutely nothing to do with others.
As for why your schlong doesn't stand to attention when you're with a girl in bed, this could be for a number of reasons, a couple of which you already mentioned: lack of experience, mentality that size matters, worried you won't be able to pleasure her, worried you would orgasm too fast, scared about penetration, etc.
How can you solve this? You have to find out exactly what your issue is first and depending on what that issue is, then you can solve it accordingly.
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