A
female
age
51-59,
*ayK.
writes:My husband of 17 year's, now separated 2yrs. still keeps in close contact with me, just stopped every thing all the sudden. It's been over 3 months now since I have seen or talk to him. And It's killing me.He's girlfriend did move in with him about a year ago. And was not aware that he still talked to me every day, seen me once or twice a week or that he would help me pay my bill's. I do know for a fact that she never found out. He always told me he love me,and would alway's take care of me,since we had been together for so long and still married.Never ever had we gone more than three day without seeing or talking to each other.I have wrote, e-mailed and face booked him many letters begging him to please explaind to me why.But nothing,doesn't make any sense,I need to no why? Why would he cut me off cold turkey like that? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 September 2010):
 I think he's stringing you along. If you were looking for closure, then that's what you need to get. One way or another. 2 years is too long for a separation. Either get the divorce or work it out. It is unfair to be the way you are at the moment.
Ok, you said you never wanted the divorce. So this was his idea. I can tell by your need for contact that you likely have a bit of a smothering personality. Of course, the second you see him and jump into his arms, he's got you right back on his line.
Basically he's trying to play the field but keep you as a fall back. All the while being married to you. This is not the sign of a good guy.
I can't pretend to know what it is like to be married for 17 years. I can point to my parents' example with their almost 40 year marriage, but I've never been married. I've just had a lot of failed relationships. It has made me aware of warning flags when they are around, and I see one here.
He hurt you by not contacting you. You got revenge by ruining his new relationship. I think at this point you two need to decide what you're going to do. If you are going to work on your relationship, then that is what you should do. That does NOT include seeing other people. It may include setting some limits to your communication though. If he wants to continue seeing other people, you should finalize your divorce. You need this so you can move on. Your life has been stuck for the last two years. It is time to get it moving again.
A
female
reader, KayK. +, writes (24 September 2010):
KayK. is verified as being by the original poster of the question Dirtball Hi, yes we were trying to work things out threw our seperation,so I thought untill he moved the G.F.in.
In all the 26 letters that I worte him within a few month's asking him to please call me,I allway's ending them with(Im sorry dont want to cause you any trouble,just need to talk to you.)I really didn't want to, but as time went on the more upset I got.So by this time I didn't give a shit, I was hurting and damm it I was going to make him hurt too. (Kinda felt like he new that's what I would do.)But in doing so I feel like it took a little pice of my soul, but new I had to if I wanted the pain to stop, and yes maybe in hope's to end our seperation and get a divorce something I truley never wanted.
I belive what I was really looking for was closer,weather it be divorce or back together,but your right this being in limbo is whats driving me crazy.
Im still pretty close to his family that lives here,we talk and vist allmost every other weekend,and they do somtiimes feel me in whith how he's doing however,there reply is allways,he's wants you to know he loves you and is going to still take care of you,but you have to back off for you are pushing him away.
It has been a good 3 or 4 weeks since I have wrote or tried to contact him. The closer was begining to kick in and the pain was subsiding. Thank God!!! Then all of the sudden there he was,standing right beside me. His brother had called me earlier that day to see if I needed anything,this was not unusual for his family was very caring, What was unusual is that my husband would be with him,We meet in a local parking lot he drove up got in my car and we began to talk then I heard a familiar voice I turned to my left and there he was.I jumed up out of the car and into his arms.The tear's began to run down my face and I cried, oh baby why why havent you called me,I've been so scared and lonely not knowing what to do. He's reply was (Im sorry baby but you keep me from being able to call you)??? I asked him if he was planning on moving to C.A.with his G.F. and his answer was, Im not sure. So now I feel like here we f__ing go again.
Thank You so much Dirtball for all your relpy's, you have really been a big help in my life. Would love to hear more.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (24 September 2010):
I apologize. I interpreted your separation as more then what it actually was. Given the fact that you were still married, that does change things a bit.
Still, what you may have just done is sealed the divorce. Whatever your reasons for separating, I'm guessing you were working on those things through all your contact. Then again, I may be off base.
Have you talked to him since this all happened? Have you found any resolution? What were you hoping to accomplish?
You see, the answer to that last question is what has given me the feeling about this situation that I have. I think your goal was to hurt him and drive a wedge between the two of them because he cut off contact. Then again, I may be off base completely.
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A
female
reader, KayK. +, writes (23 September 2010):
KayK. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Dirtball,Thanks for the reply on my question,but we are still married.I just found out through his sister that the G.F. is moveing back to C.A.her home town,she not happy here,and maybe because of what I did.I do feel really bad for her,for she is realy a nice girl a didn't deserve being treated that way by him. But really what person in there right mind would move 2,000 miles away to live with a married man? Will see if he go's back with her.Thanks again for all your advice.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (23 September 2010):
To be honest, I'm not a big fan of what you did. Then again, I'm not a big fan of what he did either. Here's why.
The way I see it, if you two were in such regular contact, why did you ever get divorced in the first place. A divorce should be the end of the relationship. You should both go your separate ways as much as possible and move on. It doesn't look like either of you did that.
Here's why I don't like what you did. You acted like a spurned lover who was acting out of spite. While I'm sure this is how you may have felt, the fact that you two are divorced should mean that you really have no place doing something like this. He should be free at this point to live his life as he sees fit. If you wanted to do something, you should have written something on HIS Facebook wall about how you can't believe he hasn't contacted you after all of your contact that would be a little different. What you did was basically allude to an affair. Kind of low.
Here's why I don't like what he was doing. He was basically having an affair with you on some levels. The fact that he kept you hidden from his GF for so long is an indication that he either was ashamed of what he was doing or that he was hoping for something else. His actions were those of a cheater and he should never have had such contact with you to begin with after the divorce.
BUT, it doesn't matter what I think. What's done is done and there is no taking it back. It would be best if you actually moved on from eachother or got back together, but this hanging around in limbo is BS in my book. I think you may have permanently ended any contact you may have had in the future with this move though.
Sorry you asked?
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A
female
reader, KayK. +, writes (22 September 2010):
KayK. is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Dirtball, and thanks so much for answering my question. This is the coolest web site,just love it.
As far as the G.F.she really didn't no then,but no's now,I got so angery that he wouldent call me I wrote on her face book wall and told her avery thing.Buy that point I really didn't care if it cause them trouble,and she almost left him.Then he's sister steped in the picture got them to work it out.The sister got allover my ass for doing that, say's that I was wrong and It hurt them.I wanted to say to her,Thanks my job is done here,now ya'll have a good life,and I can move on with mine.
How do you feel about what I did?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 September 2010):
My guess would be that the GF found out and didn't like it. She forced him to cut off communication. That's my guess.
The only other thing I can think of is that something happened to him. Have you seen him post anything on Facebook in a while?
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