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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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Have I lost perspective on my wife's sexual past?
Q. Have I lost perspective on my wife's sexual past? When we first started dating, we told each other about our past. I had a 2 yr relationship. She had dated in high school, and did some heavy petting. Then just a month before we met, she dated a ...
A. 22 January 2009: If you were abused by a parent and your first girlfriend, that you lost your virginity with, cheated on you, then I'd say it was a reasonable thing to think that you are having trust issues.
Jealousy and control issues can come up in any rela... (read in full...)
On the pill and I'm getting lower back pains and lower stomach pains every day.
Q. I've been on the pill for about 2 months now and I've since noticed lower back pains and lower stomach pains every day. I've only ever missed my pill once and that was in the first pack and I still came on so I highly doubt I'm pregnant. Is this ...
A. 22 January 2009: Hi Hun,
The pill makes your body think that it is pregnant "31", all the time, 'round the clock. These symptoms can change depending on the hormone levels in the pill that you are taking, and can be adjusted. Some can make your period lighter or e... (read in full...)
Is it safe to orgasm during pregnancy?
Q. Is it safe to orgasm during pregnancy? I was advised not to have sex for the first trimester (by my doctor) due to a previous miscarriage. I'm now in my 12th week of pregnancy, does no sex mean no fun on my own? Is masturbating still ok? Ple...
A. 20 January 2009: I am sorry about your previous miscarriage. If you were advised not to have an *orgasm or sex* by your Doctor for the first trimester, then you should talk with your Doctor and get the "all clear/go ahead" from your Doctor as a precaution before ... (read in full...)
Why would she start an affair with me if she was happily married?
Q. Hello, I'm an 18 year old female that had just ended a two year emotional affair with my ex-teacher. This is how it began.... It was my junior year; I was 16 and she was 26 and hadn't been married for a month. At first she started coming o...
A. 19 January 2009: I'm sorry. From what you have relayed, she has actually responded in a reasonable manner, and even if you have feelings for her, you should drop pursuing this. I would love to tell you that as of 26 she was a totally evolved adult, but I can't do ... (read in full...)
Is she horny?
Q. I know this woman, she is 22 years old. She is a good friend of mine, and she constantly tells me about these guys she thinks are cute. I know for a fact she is a virgin because I'm dating her best friend. I'm wondering if she is really horny and...
A. 12 January 2009: Eeewwwh. Something is rotten in Denmark, and It's not the cheese. Your motives for writing are translucent and we can all see where you are coming from. Yes, all women have sex drives. Yes, if she thinks they are cute she is interested. No, you ... (read in full...)
Is death so bad?
Q. Is death so bad? Is there anything, after we die? And if there isn't that life is just a big trip? Sometimes good, sometimes bad? How can we make sense of all that? I don't think death is so bad... It is just ending your long suffering. When life ...
A. 12 January 2009: I don't think that I would look at death as a means of escaping lifes hardships as I don't believe that suicide is a good ending for any life - it leaves far more questions than answers and a lot of people behind, grieving. If that's what you are ... (read in full...)
I'm soon to be married to a she-devil.
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm a 28 year old man from India. I'm an investment banker and about to be married to a lawyer in about 60 days time. In the last 150 days of our engagement, we have gottent to know each other a little, even confessed love. But...
A. 6 January 2009: I read most of the posts, but I'm not answering much these days (health issues). A few thoughts? Often we are doomed to repeat old patterns in relationships. Sometime we are drawn to people because our issues are compatible and we fill a need for ... (read in full...)
How can I solve this problem without leaving him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years after 5 years we broke up and then i found out that he was lying and cheating on me all that time so i had a relation with another guy and we had sex one time. after 1 year i got back to my ex-boyfriend and ...
A. 1 December 2008: I'm sorry that you are in love with someone who treats you badly. There is only one person that you can change in this relationship. You can only change yourself. And I would change myself the hell out of there. He isn't treating you with any ... (read in full...)
Is it normal not to have a baby bump at 8 weeks?
Q. I am pregnant, my last period was around October.8th so I'm about 8 weeks pregnant right now. My symptoms have got better REALLY fast, tho i still puke at least once a day when i first wake up or at night when i get tired. I thought before my belly ...
A. 1 December 2008: I showed at 4 months too, the results being an 8 lb baby. With my 10.4 lb baby, I showed earlier, and then I quickly turned into the size of a small RV. Emily's right! See your OB/GYN and get on those prenatal vitamins! Sounds like you are a ... (read in full...)
I have a health problem with a child, does anyone have any specific advice?
Q. My ex bfs child has become ill at first its like a cold, but 2day the child has not drunk much where they drink loads, not been to the toilet, and when coughts has trouble catching there breath at first thought it was hooping cought, but after go...
A. 1 December 2008: Menengitis has a red, pinpricked and flushed rash that will not go away if you take a drinking glass and roll it over the affected area. Another symptom is that you can't put your chin down to your chest because of the pain in your neck. You ... (read in full...)
My little sister is flat chested, and embarrassed, is there anything that can help?
Q. hi i'm a lil worried about my young sister, she's 16 and got her period last year but she's still flat chested, i mean really flat! i was nothing like her when i was her age, but i was chubby while she's sooo skinny! she's always embarrasse...
A. 1 December 2008: Ask your Mom to take her to a real lingerie shop where they know how to "fit" a bra properly. They can show your sis how to use those "chicken fillets" inside her bra to enhance her shape for now. I suspect that she will develop further along when ... (read in full...)
My sister's boyfriend kissed me forcibly, she saw us but doesn't let me explain!
Q. My sister's (she's 14) boyfriend is in my grade (we're both 17) and I always had a bad vibe around him. Well he came over to watch a movie with her when my parents weren't home (my sis paid me like $15 so I wouldn't tell them). She left to go...
A. 1 December 2008: It sounds like this guy was dating your sister to get to you, which you couldn't have known until he made his move. He sounds like quite a rat, and I'm glad that you paid attention to the bad vibe that he was giving off, and the fact is, your ... (read in full...)
I''ve started to feel I'm not ready for a serious relationship at 17, any advice?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for over a year now and we've had some great times but i've started to feel as if i'm not ready for a serious relationship and my feeling towards her have changed. Everything feels the same now and nothing changes....
A. 1 December 2008: I think that you are very wise and mature for your young age. As difficult as this is going to be, I think that you need to come clean with your girlfriend. So right now, you need to decide what to do and how to tell her that your feelings have ... (read in full...)
First Date... HELP!!!
Q. We both go to the same college, so, it's not like the guys a total stranger. I'm 19, and he's 20. We have alot of the same friends, but we just started talkin the past couple of days on a 'non friend' basis. And we decided to go on a date Tuesday ...
A. 1 December 2008: Don't rush things, let the conversation flow. Leave any heartfelt declarations for a later date and stick to compliments only, if you want to show your affection. Too much, too soon, too fast can be scary a make them run in the other direction, I ... (read in full...)
I would love to call myself gay, but I feel unsure about it...
Q. I am 16 and unsure what to consider myself. I pretty much watch exclusively gay porn, but women occasionally attract me. I feel an attraction to men and not to women in public. I would love to just call myself gay, but for some reason I am unsure. I ...
A. 1 December 2008: I would consider who you have had crushes on and emotional attachments to in your past. That should give you a clearer picture of your feelings. I'm sure if you ask yourself this, a clear list will pop up in your head, and being honest with ... (read in full...)
What is the solution to an addictive, negative relationship, I don't need to be with him?
Q. What do you do when you're addicted to someone who is obviously bad for you? My boyfriend has hurt me over and over and over but I always take him back. I let him know in clear terms what he did was wrong and I won't tolerate it anymore and then I ...
A. 1 December 2008: You obviously recognize your own dilemma, you are just not willing to deal with it! Every single decision that we make requires us to choose between one thing and another. You are just simply unwilling to choose the right thing for yourself. If ... (read in full...)
Is there an age limit to find out if you're fertile?
Q. I was wondering I read a question earlier asking how do you find out if you were fertile and repliers said to go to their doctors. I live in the UK...I want to know the same thing cause I am worried...Is there an age limit for this? What age do I ...
A. 30 November 2008: An OB/GYN would be the best bet to salve your worries! At the age of 16, you have your whole reproductive life ahead of you, and you don't have to worry too much about yours until you start planning. I'm afraid most Doctors won't start doing tests ... (read in full...)
How do I talk to my child about the birds and the bees?
Q. I caught my 8year old masterbate.How do i talk to her about this?...
A. 30 November 2008: Children of all ages, even infants, explore their genitals because it feels good. By the age of 8, it could be masturbation or comfort, but it isn't something to discourage or shame her over, so take the time to sit down and explain some facts of ... (read in full...)
How many men out there prefer pubic hair on a girl?
Q. How many men out there prefer pubic hair on a girl? I'm an Asian and I know by experience that most Asian men love pubic hair on a girl. What about the majority of men in the world? Are most men put off by that?...
A. 30 November 2008: My husband has stopped reading Penthouse and Playboy because he can't stand looking at beautiful women with no hair. He thinks it makes them look prepubescent and it makes him uncomfortable that they don't look like grown women because they are ... (read in full...)
A little blood and slight pinching after masturbation...
Q. Hello! I was just looking for some advice/ information. My boyfriend and I live together and have been dating for sometime. He left for work and school today, its my day off. Anyways I was missing him and was a bit horny so i masturbated, shortly ...
A. 25 November 2008: It's probably your ovulation. The orgasm stimulated your womb, because when you cum you have spasms, which is your womb contracting. I remember that I did not get this kind of "spotting" around my ovulation time until I was in my early twenties, ... (read in full...)
How do I ask my Mom for tampons without embarrassing myself?
Q. this is more of a female question. I'm 14 and iv had my period since 6th grade but i hate wearing pads.....i feel like i'm sitting in blood and that's nasty. i want to ask my mom if i can do tampons instead but i don't know how....iv hinted...
A. 25 November 2008: "All of the other girls use tampons because they fit into your pocket, knapsack, purse OR they are on the swim team, cheerleading team... Fill in your own blank!"
Don't worry, by this point, she will be quite used to hearing about everybody else... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend always comment negatively when he sees I'm wearing makeup?
Q. Why does my boyfriend of 6 years always comment negatively when he sees I'm wearing makeup. He will comment here and there, stare at my face and ask if I'm wearing makeup. He makes me feel embarrassed and unattractive about wearing makeup. He says ...
A. 24 November 2008: A girl whose face is covered with paint,
Attracts me more than one whose ain't!
- Ogden Nash
I noticed that people are nicer to me when I am well groomed and I wondered, is it because I look better or because I feel more confident? Who knows. ... (read in full...)
Is he worth it when he lets me down all the time?
Q. Do you think hes worth it? when he lets me down like all the time. Right well my ex bf, wants to get back with me and i told him i would get back with him if he showed me he can change because, he never used to spend time with me. But now he see...
A. 23 November 2008: It''s not really a relationship if only one person is putting in all the effort.
I'd look around for someone else who treats you the way that you want to be treated.
Good Luck! ... (read in full...)
I'm pressuring myself to have sex with him, how do I stop?
Q. my boyfriend wants to have sex or at least do sexual stuff. But I'm not ready. He said he will wait and not pressure me to do anything, but I'm pressuring myself for him. I just don't know what to do. I do want sex but not right now....
A. 23 November 2008: Honey, you are torn between your hormones and your common sense, and that's Normal! Of course! Of course we want sex! And our bodies are raging with hormones and curiosity at your age, and THAT makes us want sex! But sex makes babies, it comes ... (read in full...)
Vegetarianism anyone?
Q. I need help becoming a lacto-ovo vegetarian... any suggestions/tips? I'm a really picky eater as well... don't like spices, or herbs =P.... I want to really cut all meat from my diet, except for fish occasionally, but how do I do this without ...
A. 22 November 2008: I would wait until you are 20 or so to take this kind of step. It is a delicate balance when you are any kind of vegetarian, and women in particular have to make sure that their bone structure and musculature is really fully formed before embarking ... (read in full...)
Do I attract women on the rebound because I am seen as the nice guy?
Q. Do I attract women who are on the rebound because I am seen as the nice guy and they don't think they'll get hurt with me? Would this explain why I only have short-term relationships? I invest a lot in such a short time and it really hurts when ...
A. 21 November 2008: I'm sorry that you are broken-hearted over your last girlfriend. I think that you must be a really nice guy if you know your girlfriends for a long time before dating them that speaks really well for you and your personality, and I don't see that ... (read in full...)
I'm 20 but look much younger and it's causing me problems....
Q. Hi everyone I'm 20 years old but look so much younger and I really hate it. I always get ID'd and once I wasn't allowed into an 18+ gig because the bouncer didn't believe me! I wondered if anyone had any tips to help me look older? The only thing I ...
A. 21 November 2008: You'll be loving this in a few years, Hun! Then you'll be happy you look younger than your age!!! In the meanwhile, hope this helps. The trick to looking older is to dress classically. Stay away from too much make-up and fad clothing. Just like ... (read in full...)
Why bother making the dates in the first place if he doesn't want to show up? What's going on in men's heads?
Q. I met this guy and we had one date - it was great. We had an awesome time. He made plans to meet me Saturday for lunch, hang out during the day. He called at noon and said his cat got into the garbage and was vomiting all am and he had to take him ...
A. 21 November 2008: He's just trying to boost his ego by having you run around in circles! Sorry, I know this isn't welcomed advice, but if he is making you jump through hoops, and you are still doing it, you need to tell him that you are busy!!! AND then stay busy! ... (read in full...)
At what point in a relationship do you reveal your past?
Q. At what point in a relationship do you reveal your past? I'm 20 yrs. old and this is really my first attempt at a serious relationship. I was a troubled teen. I used drugs and alcohol. I became sexually active at 14 and had literally dozens of ...
A. 21 November 2008: If you value this relationship enough to lay your heart on the line, then I would find a way to tell him the whole and unabridged truth. Any other decision would leave you risking him finding out on his own, which he might view as a betrayal. ... (read in full...)
What would be the best movie to watch with a guy you love and hope it sets to mood to see if he has similar feelings?
Q. What would be the best movie to watch with a guy you love and hope it sets to mood to see if he has similar feelings? And, in watching a movie, which would make him more comfortable: watching a movie in a theater or at his house? He's a very shy ...
A. 21 November 2008: Oh, I just saw August Rush today on satellite, and it is very poignant, sweet and romantic! Bring hankies! XXX ... (read in full...)
My newborn keeps getting ill - what am I doing wrong?
Q. Hey guys. Well basically i've just had a baby - he's just over 2 weeks old. I am absolutely *loving* motherhood - although obviously it is tough/tiring...But it is so worth it. I'm so completely over-whelmed with love for my lovely little son it ...
A. 21 November 2008: If he had thrush and then stuck his fist in his mouth and then his eye, he could have caused conjunctivitis or "pink eye", which does need a Doctor's treatment. Don't worry about bringing your child in, that's what they are there for! And where ... (read in full...)
He's taking steroids and busy with work and the gym - is this why he doesn't feel like sex?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for 2 months we are both married, in the beginning we were having sex 3 times a week, now he works 60 hours per week, spends time off at the Gymn, with me and says he doesn't feel like sex. Every time I say to break up,...
A. 21 November 2008: The only thing that I know about taking steroids is that it causes involuntary erections, which is not the best thing for an artist's model... It caused a stir in my figure drawing class...
Perhaps the problem is that he is cheating on his wife... (read in full...)
The signs guys give to girls....
Q. Heya, This is a question about guys and the signs they give to girls. And do any of these situations fall into the 'does he like me category'? 1. We are at the bus stop. Since he reached it before me, and I didnt want to stand next to him ...
A. 20 November 2008: Oh Yeah, he is SO interested! Ditto to what guillaume said!!! Good luck! XXX... (read in full...)
My parents caught my BF fingering me and now they won't talk to me.
Q. HELPP! my parents caught my bf fingering me... and they havent spoken to me since (it happened last night and havent talked to me all night and today) are they disappointed..? sad? will they ever get over it? im so depressed right now because i ...
A. 19 November 2008: Well, if you put the shoe on the other foot and you had walked in on your parents, THAT would freak You out a bit, right? They are probably shocked and disappointed, and when you did start to explore your sexuality, they didn't expect to be ... (read in full...)
She says she just wants to be friends, but I want more!
Q. I asked the girl I liked out, but she says she just wants to be friends. So how do I get her to be my girlfriend?...
A. 19 November 2008: I would leave a flower in her locker, or a card, and then try asking her out ONE more time after that. If she still only wants to be friends after trying twice, then I would just have to accept that as her final answer and move on. Good Luck!... (read in full...)
I'm scared of what's going to happen when I go into labour!
Q. I'm about 8 months pregnant and I'm starting to get scared of whats going to happen when I go into labour. I'm only 15 and this is my first baby, I'm not sure if I will make a good parent and I'm kinda on my own. I live with my parents and my dad ...
A. 19 November 2008: Your fear is soooo normal! Every single pregnant woman is scared. I would recommend taking Lamaze or childbirth classes to give you a bit of insight, knowledge really is power! I had two births, 8.2 and 10.4 pound babies, and the classes really ... (read in full...)
My F-I-L harrassed me, and said he won't stop until he gets what he wants.
Q. I am 32 years old and married my husband 5 months ago. My husband's father had been very close to me, really helping me be accepted in the family. Its a big family with 5 kids, all of whom are married, my husband being the youngest of the children. ...
A. 19 November 2008: One FURTHER thought, I have had brain tumors, dementia and Alzheimer's in my family, and this COULD also be a change perpetuated by a small stroke or any of these conditions in the form of a personality change. Your Dad-In-Law's Health could be an ... (read in full...)
My F-I-L harrassed me, and said he won't stop until he gets what he wants.
Q. I am 32 years old and married my husband 5 months ago. My husband's father had been very close to me, really helping me be accepted in the family. Its a big family with 5 kids, all of whom are married, my husband being the youngest of the children. ...
A. 19 November 2008: BTW, as the newest family member, the quicker you "OUT" him the easier it will be on your new marriage. Hiding this is a betrayal to your spouse, and that's what the SOB is counting on, your silence. Good Luck Hun.... (read in full...)
My F-I-L harrassed me, and said he won't stop until he gets what he wants.
Q. I am 32 years old and married my husband 5 months ago. My husband's father had been very close to me, really helping me be accepted in the family. Its a big family with 5 kids, all of whom are married, my husband being the youngest of the children. ...
A. 19 November 2008: EVERBODY SING!!!
"The Knee Bone's Connected to the Crotch Bone, The Knee Bone's Connected to the Crotch Bone, The Knee Bone's Connected to the Crotch Bone, Now Hear the Word of Us All!!!"
Hun, Your primary relationship is with your husband,... (read in full...)
Infidelity and physical abuse... is this fixable?
Q. Well Cupidians, I am 2 months out of a 3 year relationship. I encountered forms of infidelity throughout it from her, 5 guys entered the relationship through her. The last was a full fledged infidelity after 2 weeks of being broken up yet sh...
A. 18 November 2008: This is a very toxic relationship, and you both seem good at pushing each others trigger buttons. Have you asked your counselor if this is a good situation for you to be in? Sorry, but I think you two are poison together and you need to stay ... (read in full...)
Ladies and gentlemen, my sister is naive and making excuses.
Q. This one pertains to my sister more than me. just as a concerned brother. My sister is 20. She is a waitress just making ends meet and working her way through a community college pre-med program. about 10 months back she met this guy. The 30 year ...
A. 18 November 2008: No doubt if he is pulling this on her, he is pulling this on the wife as well, and possibly a few more women. You could use a car that he doesn't recognize and follow him around a few nights to see what he is up to, or you could convince her to ... (read in full...)
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