A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I caught my 8year old masterbate.How do i talk to her about this? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 Children of all ages, even infants, explore their genitals because it feels good. By the age of 8, it could be masturbation or comfort, but it isn't something to discourage or shame her over, so take the time to sit down and explain some facts of life to her. Any part of her body that is covered by a bathing suit is hers and no one is to touch it but her. Touching that part your own body is private and not to share. There are so many good books and DVD's that will help you discuss the topic of sex, and once you have noticed that she is aware of her body, this is the time to start having small talks with her about sex. One great book that explains the facts is "Where Did I Come From?" by Peter Mayle. Just be sure to buy and READ the books and DVD's beforehand so that you are aware of the contents and what they are viewing. I remember giving my kids the facts of life at around 7-8 because they were also getting misinformation at school already. Although masturbation *could* be a sign of having been abused, you would have seen a lot of other outward signs before this, acting out, personality changes and problems at school as well, and almost EVERY child masturbates eventually, so I would simply be observant and chalk this up to a normal stage of growing up.
A
female
reader, MissRosie +, writes (30 November 2008):
 I'd just like to add that babies have been observed masturbating in the womb. At a young age it is not sexual like it is for teens and adults. And I agree with Hotpinkgirl you need to be careful of not making her think it is bad and diry.
...............................
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (30 November 2008):
 Your daughter is discovering her body. Nothing wrong with that as long as she's not doing it in public. My friends little girls when she was three years old used to rub her private parts up and down a door. Very embarrassing when the neighbours called round. Sometimes they get these little habits that you have to gently discourage. There are some good books about to help you explain the 'birds and bees'. I found one called 'Growing up', which I used to educate my son when he was 7. Find out if 'sex education' is being taught at school and have a word with the teacher to see how they are dealing with it and you could use that as a starting point at home. i.e. what things did you learn today in the sex education lesson etc.
hope this helps.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): I just wanted to correct the first reply, where she writes that it is unusual and could be learnt behaviour from abuse! That is utter nonsense and it is perfectly normal for children who are very young and at this age to go through a phase of self-pleasure.
It is societies own stigma against masturbation and ignorance on sexual development which causes them to equate something that is completely normal and something that is related to sexual abuse and pedophilic in nature.
Of course for this 8 year old, it has absolutely nothing to do with sex, I doubt it is even "masturbation"; It is merely the child realising that it can get pleasure from it's own body, it has no aim of sexual fulfilment, it is just a pleasurable feeling.
I don't think you need to go in to too much detail about the facts of life, if any, but do tell them as much as you think is appropriate for their own understanding.
If the child is playing with themselves in unsuitable situations then you need to tell them that they should not do it, but do not tell them that they are wrong, or make them feel they are bad, because at this stage in sexual development you can cause them to repress their sexuality, rather than just understand it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (30 November 2008):
 ITs embarrassing for sure for a parent to know a child does this, but from what I hear from people I know, some children start even earlier.
I would start with explaining that her body will be going though many changes and tell her about menstruation and why this happens. And that she will always have sexual feelings and ask her to always feel like she can talk to you about anything. Especially if a boy wants to touch her. Tell her that if a boy tries to touch her or have her touch him that she needs to come to you for a talk. I would explain that young girls end up having babies at a very young age.
WHen I was 8, even though I was given a book about it, I still didn't understand what sex really was. Parents think that if they talk about it when children are young, that they understand, but they really don't. I think I'd focus on menstruation and having a baby when a boy wants to get naked with them. And how difficult it is raising children!
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, MissRosie +, writes (30 November 2008):
I personally don't think you need to talk to your child about this. It is natural for young children to do this and is quite common. It is very unlikely they are thinking sexual thoughts. Children often simply do it because they discover that it feels good. It is not unhealthy.xo MissRosie
...............................
A
female
reader, babewithbrains +, writes (30 November 2008):
 Its suprisingly usual for young girlsand boys to experiment with themselves. The best thing to do is to wait until its bedtime then instead of a story, talk to her about what she is doing, and maybe explain that she doesn't have to do it yet and that maybe she should wait... it is up to you, but you should talk to her, you shouldn't be angry. I would be most suprised if she actually new what she was doing.Jellyxxx
...............................
|
