A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What do you do when you're addicted to someone who is obviously bad for you? My boyfriend has hurt me over and over and over but I always take him back. I let him know in clear terms what he did was wrong and I won't tolerate it anymore and then I take him back. And of course he betrays me again. I think he's a compulsive liar and probably has a personality disorder. But it doesn't matter,I feel I can't live without him! And when I finally begin to put my life back together,he comes back around wanting me back. We're separated again and I desperately want him back! Although I know I'm better off without him,my heart just doesn't understand that! I'm sure it's just a matter of time before he pops up again. How can I prepare myself to tell him NO when he wants to come back? Will I ever get over my addiction to him?
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female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (1 December 2008):
 I was like this with my ex husband. He constantly cheated on me, hit me, verbally abused me, lied , you name it he did it and everytime I would take him back or beg him to come back. This 'addiction' is all down to lack of self worth of the individual and there is also something attractive about helping these bad boys. You are obviously a nurturingcaring type but long term this relationship is going to do you a great deal of harm. I myself was frightened to let go because I felt I needed a husband, couldn't cope on my own and would have put up with anything just not to be on my own. I think you need to focus on one particular negative trait and remember this so you can say 'no' this time around. I know from experience that probably the worst trait of all is lying and this will only get worse. If he marries you he will continue to do this and you will never know where he is, what he is really doing and this is soul destroying. I think people who need to be loved such as you and me put up with an awful lot and wil take people back time and time again even when your friends say not to touch them with a abrge pole but eventually after 4 or 5 tries and they are still behaving badly it is time to draw the line and move on. Believe me during my marriage I took my husband back loads of times after so many affairs and he was repentant to begin with but it never lasted. It breaks down your spirit and your confidence and they don't care that they have done this to you at all. Taking them back also becomes a cycle which is hard to break. I think you need to remain strong and explain yet again what you will not tolerate and then when he breaks this - which he will - instantly cut him loose. All the best,
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (1 December 2008):
 You obviously recognize your own dilemma, you are just not willing to deal with it! Every single decision that we make requires us to choose between one thing and another. You are just simply unwilling to choose the right thing for yourself. If you recognize that you are weak as far as he is concerned, you might want to separate yourself from him in a bigger way, by changing jobs, friends or cities, until you get a clearer head about how he triggers whatever it is that allows you to drop your defenses and take him back. A true partner brings out the best in you. This partner, to you, is just an addiction. If you can step back and view it in this light, perhaps it will help you take that step that you need to separate from him.
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