A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why does my boyfriend of 6 years always comment negatively when he sees I'm wearing makeup. He will comment here and there, stare at my face and ask if I'm wearing makeup. He makes me feel embarrassed and unattractive about wearing makeup. He says he likes a natural beauty? When I wear it I just wear a little bit nothing drastic. He says he hates makeup which is his problem. I enjoy looking sexy and feeling attractive. There are times I'm wearing it and he does not even know.I know this is petty just trying to understand why?Thank you!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (27 November 2008):
 sweety believe me he is married to an intelligent, strong minded women.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): “It's a double sword and in this case, it makes her unhappy he keeps doing this.”
Yes, if requested too much or demanded, it can make someone unhappy and it is not good.
"She not once said she wears make up excessively, he just doesn't like make up period."
That is true. She even said that she doesn't wear much makeup.
"He hasn't told her the reasons and from my experience, when someone says something like that, I ask why."
Not correct. She said, "He says he likes a natural beauty?" and “But he says I look better w/out the makeup.”
"If the guy can't think of a reason other than to say it makes you look cheap, like a whore, ugly, fake...I just say hmmm."
Just where did she say that he said anything like that? Where are you pulling this stuff out of?
“I know it most likely stems from a stigma the dude has attached to it and when those words are used, most likely there is an abusive nature.”
Are you pulling these feelings out of some unhappiness in your life, as the OP never said anything like this? If things that have happened to you are making you feel this way then I am sorry for you.
“We cautioned her to keep her eyes and ears open for other 'requests to change', like how and what to wear, who she sees, ect...”
Yes, that is a good idea. No one should give in to unrealistic requests or demands. However, it is wise to listen and discuss realistic requests.
“I think men like you, who can clearly and positively state their reasons and ask politely...get a more serious consideration but again, she needs to trust her gut instincts.”
If you are referring to me then thank you. However, I don’t feel like I act that much differently than the majority of men. I’m sure that some are verbally abusive, but I would bet that most are not. I’m sure that almost all of us have made the mistake of being that way at times, but I don’t think that most people are like that by nature. I have no statistics to prove this, but it is what I think.
“It's not alot of men who ask or say to a woman to wear little to no make up.”
Again, I don’t have anything to back this up, but I’ll bet that there are many men who prefer to see their wives or girlfriends without makeup. At least the ones who love their partners. When you love someone, you are happy with them as they are. We all have imperfections – a little overweight, a little too skinny, too big a butt, too small a butt, a few wrinkles, etc, but none of these really matter when we love someone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): Another thing is that men look at my wife when we are out at the mall or walking around. Sometimes they even almost stare. That does not bother me at all and I encourage her to wear sexy clothes. I like when other men look at her because I know that she is mine and that I am realistic about how attractive she is. I don't like her to wear no makeup or little bacause I am afraid that other men will find her attractive, so don't make the assumption that the OP's bayfriend is insecure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): The most attractive or beautiful women I have ever known have worn either no makeup or very little makeup. I prefer that natural beauty that is not hidden by too much makeup, preferably none. While I agree that you should do what makes you feel good about yourself, I think it could be very possible that he is like me and prefers you as you are and not having your natural beauty hidden or altered by makeup. It could also be that he is afraid that you will look too good and he sees that as a threat, but I would bet against that.
My wife uses very little makeup when we go out and none at all around the house and I appreciate that and greatly prefer it. I'm sure that I'm not the only guy in the world who feels this way.
As far as doing what you want and not paying any attention to what anyone else wants - If you do that with all parts of any relationship then you are asking for failure. All relationships are built on compromise. Both partners have to give and take and compromise. That is what made the 29 year relationship that I have had with my wife work with less problems than other couples who we know. This is one of the things that has made this relationship work and both of our first marriages fail. We both give in to the others wishes at times.
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A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (26 November 2008):
Hi Hun
I totally agree with fade and all the other posts here, I've been in a position were I was yelled at for putting my make-up on, Yelled at!!!!!!
I've always done it and always will no matter what, Its for me... NOT FOR ANYONE ELSE! If I don't do my daily routine start worrying then as I'm not myself until then, SHUT UP AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN BODY AND LET ME AS A PERSON IN MY OWN RIGHT TAKE CARE OF ME THE WAY I WISH!
Don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do! Or to do anything you wish to do to make you feel good about yourself!!!! Ever..(Hope that makes sence???? (:0) TAKE CARE OF YOU HUNNY WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your advice...I have been reading everything
and taking it all in. :]
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Maybe he knows you are attractive without makeup, but absolutely stunning with it and some other guy will come along and try to get a piece of you!
If that's the case he's insecure, but that's his problem.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Dear Poster
You have received lots of excellent advice; I suggest you ignore this guy's comments; he is INSECURE and jealous;
I want to WARN you to be VERY CAREFUL in this relationship; if he is starting like this, it makes me wonder what will be the next? He will probably start telling you what you may wear and how to dress and what you are not allowed to have in your cupboard; then select your friends and eventually he will be CONTROLLING your life.
Please BE CAREFUL, do not allow him to control your life; do not give your power to him or anybody else; BE YOURSELF; do what makes YOU HAPPY and what makes you comfortable. Do not allow him or anyone to DICTATE and DEMAND from you to be less feminine then what you are and to take away your FREEDOM and INDIVIDUALITY. ALWAYS be YOURSELF, please be careful and keep your eyes open for RED LIGHTS that might be flashing.
Best wishes and lots of smiles.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 November 2008):
 I agree with Fade and Birdy, just continue doing what makes you feel good about yourself. It sounds like you're not wearing Kabuki-style makeup, honestly. And the anon vcd poster raised an interesting tactic. Stop shaving your legs and underarms, no plucking of stray hairs, cut nails only when absolutely necessary... there's a line between 'natural' and 'beastly'!!! ;)
Me? I'd completely ignore any comments about the makeup. Just completely blank him on those. Don't react, just change the subject. You want to reward the desired behavior, and ignore the unwanted. Keep calm, don't get defensive, don't justify. "I like the way I look." Period. You might need to repeat it a couple of times.
Good luck, and I hope he comes around.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (24 November 2008):
 A girl whose face is covered with paint,
Attracts me more than one whose ain't!
- Ogden Nash
I noticed that people are nicer to me when I am well groomed and I wondered, is it because I look better or because I feel more confident? Who knows. The Auntie who brought up the question "Were you wearing make-up when you met?" had a very good point! It's a very controlling thing to decide what your spouse or girlfriend can wear. If they start telling you who you can hang out with and what time you should be home at, those are all little red flags that he is a jealous and controlling individual. You should put your foot down NOW and nip this in the bud. Your face and body, Your rules. Good Luck.
Fade made a lot of good points!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): lol...Here's a little story...My class at school...The teacher asked: "Which guy here likes a girl with make-up on more attractive.." You know not one guy put up there hand! lol...oh well...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): i don't like girls with makeup. it's like lying. unless you're going to some fancy posh event, just go as yourself. every day isn't halloween! be proud of who you are. if you need to be someone else in order to feel sexy . . . there is seriously something wrong.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): Then when he tells you he likes a natural beauty...and you see him shave in a morning REMIND him he is tampering with his natural appearence. NATURAL BEAUTY IS WITHIN.
You could try not brushing your teeth...washing and styling your hair...dirty chipped finger nails...hairy legs....let your skin go dry no moisturiser....Offer to go for an evening out with him....i bet he changes his tune.
If you like to wear make up ...wear it...DID YOU WEAR IT WHEN YOU FIRST MET HIM?
v.c.d.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again...:} you are right Fade878..I do try too hard...I am working on getting a backbone.:[
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answers..Helps me understand ..and yes I have always asked what he likes, clothes, colors, etc. I have always tried to please him. But he says I look better w/out the makeup. He does not like anything it seems to fancy..just plain...But thanks for the answers....
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): He told you the reason, he likes a natural beauty. However, tell him to knock it off, his comments are undermining your self confidence which is a form of control that he is trying to exert over you.
Don't stop wearing makeup if it makes you feel better, personally, I think it makes you look more professional and put together....perhaps he has a preference for the colors you wear, you might ask him.....otherwise, just act confident when he makes his comments and call him out on it even if done jokingly. "Hey, Versace, what makes you the expert on women's fashion and makeup?"
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