A
male
age
30-35,
*heBigVenti
writes:This one pertains to my sister more than me. just as a concerned brother. My sister is 20. She is a waitress just making ends meet and working her way through a community college pre-med program. about 10 months back she met this guy. The 30 year old illegal Mexican immigrant cook. Now I'm going medical, so I'm completely for harsher punishments for illegal immigrants and to find out that my sister is dating this punk...devestating. So now to the present. These facts have slowly been coming out: he's married, he has a son, he still lives with his wife and his wife's pregnant. Sure this would probably make him unappealing to the average female (hopefully), but yet my sister still persists on making more excuses for him: "he can't afford to get divorced"...he has numerous cars, and car payments. "he loves me and only married his wife for legalization"...yet they had a son?..."She's pregnant with someone else's baby". He told her that his wife raped him in his sleep, and thats why she's pregnant. how do I help my sister get over her naivity. I have to expose this guy before my sister becomes emotionally shattered. Help a brother out. literally.
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female
reader, samsmommy +, writes (18 November 2008):
 Wow that's crazy and I'm not even sure where to start. You could go to the guy's house when you know he's at work and hopefully his pregnant wife will be home and you could tell her what's going on, she probably knows he's a jerk, but she might not know exactly how much of a jerk he is.
As far as your sister being naive, sometimes there's really nothing more you can do than to keep an eye on this guy, she obviously isn't going to listen to you, and she is technically an adult so I don't think there's really anything you can do. You can try to talk to her again (I'm sure you already have) but it doesn't mean she'll listen.
She's seeing things from her view so she's not seeing the whole picture, maybe if some of her friends feel the same way you do you can get a few of them to have a talk with her, people are more likely to listen to friends than family, why I don't know.
hope i helped & keep us posted
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (18 November 2008):
 Wow! sounds like she has fallen for his sweet talks and charming ways. The only way to make her see the truth is expose the truth. Meet with his current wife. get answers.
As a big brother, I totally see your concern. This guy can ruin your sisters life. Get her pregnant, and set a course of life for her she never meant to get into.
She is young and naive. At 20, we all want to believe that the person we are attracted to and love us is the love of our life. But she must take a step back and see the whole picture. She has a life ahead of herself. And he doesn't. He will bring her no where but down with her.
Maybe you should let her read some of these answers by total stranger and maybe then she can wake up and smell the coffee.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (18 November 2008):
 No doubt if he is pulling this on her, he is pulling this on the wife as well, and possibly a few more women. You could use a car that he doesn't recognize and follow him around a few nights to see what he is up to, or you could convince her to speak with his wife. I wouldn't normally recommend the later, because the wife doesn't deserve to be confronted, but if your sister is as naive as you portray, it might be a good wake up call for them both, although, I'll bet the wife knows what an ass she married already. You are a good brother to have her back like this, and don't give up on her. She's probably going to need a shoulder to cry on once her eyes are opened.
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