A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I would really appreciate some advice. My ex and I were together for 6 years, all lovely at first but he was going through a divorce at the time which took a toll on him individually and us as a couple. It didn't help that he can be verbally abusive and insecure at times. However he also brought me joy so although we had ups and downs I loved him etc ... We split up last Spring (he walked out as he had had a bit of a breakdown over all the divorce stuff) then we were on and off for a bit then got back together briefly earlier this yea Jan/Feb and he took me out on Valentine's Day and got me a card which said 'I loved you'. I played it very cool due to all the past 'stuff' etc and then after that he went quiet and just caused an argument (I think he felt rejected and he does tend to act 'hard done by' at times') so I got angry and various things were said etc .. I haven't seen him for about 9 months although we have had some nice chats on the phone and did agree to meet but it seems to be me that has to suggest meeting and this is my problem .. I feel 'stuck' - I used to be able to ask him anything, talk to him about anything but I can't seem to quite 'get there' in terms of just suggesting a day and time to meet!! This probably sounds crazy but I seem to have lost my voice with him in some way. I really do want to see him and he told my daughter he would love to come for Christmas (she asked him if he would come and visit) but he was scared her sister wouldn't like it (he and my younger daughter don't get on). He has not seen anyone else since we split up and I have had the odd date but nothing serious as I still love him. Any suggestions would be helpful as actually, I feel I have a lot unsaid and as each day goes by not seeing him, it feels as though a little bit more of my heart gets taken away. Thanks for any help that anyone is able to offer. Beth.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 November 2009):
 Your probably filled with doubt and fear about being dropped again or going through the same as you did before with him. Because you feel so unsettled, despite feeling love for him, your sending mixed messages and men truly hate this...well anyone hates it come to that!!!
It takes a good deal of time to recover from divorce, I know it's been 6 years for him but truly the event can knock the life out of a person and they may carry issues for years until someone else comes along and makes them feel secure and loved again.
I think you should decide if you really want to be with him...Is he truly in your heart and can you see a potential for a full and loving relationship? If you can, then you need to let him know, but if you have doubts then perhaps just keep him as a friend.
Most days negotiating the minefield of emotions to a new relationship can be like dragging through cement. It is incredibly hard work and over so many years can wear you down. If it gets really tough, time alone will give you time to think. If your going to take him on again then you have to be prepared to deal with his see saw emotions for quite a time to come?
an you do it?...only you know the answer to that.
Best of luck and a special hug to you
Aunty Em xxx
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