A
female
age
41-50,
*ap
writes:I need help!! I split with my kids dad almost 2 years ago after his constant cheating, he ran me up loads of debt as well and at the time wouldnt help me with our 2 children.Since we split i have tried to rebuild our lives, I paid my ex's debts off and try my best to be a good mum to our kids who mean everything to me. I have had a few relationships since my ex but they dont work as i am still missing him like mad. I constantly cry for him and it breaks my heart everytime our daughter asks for him and runs to him when he comes over.He has been seeing a girl for almost a year but has recently suggested that we could move back in together and be a family again. When i asked him about her, he told me he is only with her as he has nowhere else to go until he finishes renovating his house. He said he doesnt have feelings for her and they argue all the time as she doesnt want him coming to mine to pick up the children and she says we will get back together. I know he misses the children but have no idea how he feels about me, he never told me he loved me in the 10 years we were together!I am torn, my head tells me one thing but my heart just craves him still desperately. I still love him as much as ever and it just will not fade, am i stupid? please advise me... thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, zap +, writes (26 November 2009):
zap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks i know it makes sense to stay away. If i could press a button and get rid of my feeings i would. I think its the fact that its 2 years on and its not getting easier that makes me question the future so much. I dont know the best move..date or stay single.. whatever i do i feel terribly guilty and end up pining for him!! Onwards and upwards though!! Thanks xxx
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 November 2009):
 Any ex relationship where there are children involved is difficult...its impossible to avoid someone who has to have access to his kids, unless he's under supervision!!!
The way I see it, you have two ways to go.
Follow your heart, take him back into your home (which the kids will love until the arguments begin) live with the uncertainty of knowing if he loves you for another 10 years, or is he just there for conveinience?? Try to ignore the possibility that he may again rush you headlong into debt and that nagging little voice in your head that whispers 'who's he with' everytime he leaves the house or doesn't answer his phone. Turn a blind eye to the poor woman he's been using for the last year and intends to dump so he can scuttle back your way to play 'happy families' again....or
Follow your head!!! Open your eyes and take a damn good look at what this man has done to you in the past. He has displayed most of the more heinous actions that a person can when they dump pain, misery, mistrust, suffering and neglect on a loving partner and children...for selfish want of their own. He may be promising he won't do it again but talk is cheap for even one misdemeanour!!! this man has done it all, so I doubt he could change so nobly!!!
He sounds like he has no idea how to gain control over his life or emotional health and I think as things are going wrong for him in his current relationship, he can see the lifeline your throwing him and he will use you. He couldn't even be a good dad to the kids when he was with you. WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO THAT????
At time girl your head must definitely call the shots!!! Save your heart for someone else worthy of you. This bloke had his chance and he blew it!!!!
Best of luck and love to you!!!
Aunty Em xxx
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