A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:omg i dont know whats happened to mei came out of a bad relationship 8 months ago-he left me financially crippled etc-used me for what he could get so no way am i looking for anyone-but this guy started at my work a month ago and we have worked together and get on REALLY well-even he commented about it-working is like playtime-so much fun and ive noticed im really taking my time in my appearance for work now-and i get excited about seeing him-whats happening ?heres the problems-his wife left him 4 months ago and we've had chats over coffee at work hes got 4 kids-2 from 1st wife-teenagers and 2 lil ones from last wife and now hes casually dating someone he met 3 weeks ago-a very distant family friend ????? suddenly i feel very protective of him-i know i shouldnt and ive been really nice helping him with his work etc and there is some connection there when we work and when i see him i just want to hug him but i dont want to get hurt and im not into causing trouble but i have feelings for him-i can just be friends but what should i do-sorry for long post and look forward to your always excellent advice x
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (18 December 2009):
 I think changing job roles to avoid him is a very sensible move, take control, protect yourself from pain and don't let things escalate. Loving someone before you have even got a relationship with them is a bit dodgy to be honest. Time away from him may calm down the feelings and then you will be more able to make a rational decision about the friendship...keep telling yourself ' Two ex wives, kids and a girlfriend!!!' The shine will soon rub off!!!
Gird your loins girl...There are better men out there to be loved.
A big hug to you
Aunty Em xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): thanx 4 taking the time to reply.
im considering changing job roles so i dont have to see him-its getting too painful but i sooo love him :(
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 December 2009):
Well blowing all the smoke aside and reading between the lines, I'd say you fancy the pants off him and are maybe enjoying the attention. We don't tend to dress up for friends or get overly excited to see them so, to me, it seems there is a little more going on within you than you care to admit.
Your sense of abandonment is probably holding you back, and this is a good thing...it can take a long time to recover from a bad relationship so you are doing yourself a favour by being wary. Also this new bloke isn't exactly man of the year is he??? two failed relationships and a hefty bunch of kiddies to support...ok it doesn't necessarily make him a bad guy but there may be commitment issues there with him.
You may feel protective because indirectly you are hoping he may start something with you. We all go a bit loopy when someone we really like initially comes on the scene...so continue to hold back.
Stay friends if you can (not easy when you adore someone)and accept that it is all it can be. Also be mindful of starting something in the work place. Many people have come a cropper this way and if you do become involved and he turns out to be a bit of a rat...then things might get complicated. If your happy just playing with the situation and getting a few kicks from being so close to him then you also have to bear in mind his new relationship and how it could be affected.
Go carefully!!
love Aunty Em xxx
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