A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:When I came to this site, I was rock bottom in life. After going through so much adversity, in my life my self esteem plummeted. After visiting this site, I learned that so many man and women are going through similar problems and issues. My question is : How do we get our self esteem and confidence back? I was once a self confident women, but had everything in my life that was dear to me taken away through divorce, career problems, ectopic pregnancies, dealing with family members mental illness etc. I have been shaken to the core!Thank you in advance for all the wonderful advice and Happy Thanksgiving!
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confidence, divorce, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your heartfelt responses. To The Attractive, I cannot answer why there are so many divorces her in the US. It is a sad state of affairs. I am doing a little better since joining this site as I realized I am not alone. Thanks again and Happy Thanksgiving to all!
A
male
reader, The Attractive  +, writes (24 November 2009):
 Really i feel sorry abt you,well i'm a young boy of 18 so i'm not enough experienced abt life but i can suggest you something,be confident and have fresh start also u lost ur baby i can understand how badly it hurts a women.....if u explain ur problem in datail then i can help u a bit more....
please don't be sad now btu think of getting ur life back try to get back ur child coz its a support of ur life....and it will make you happy.....well what more i can say.....
but can u tell me why there r so many divorce in ur country....in country there is very less divorce and couples once married live for whole life together.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): There are times in life when we suffer, but out of suffering comes growth and renewal. Your suffering is not eternal and does not define you or your life. You are a gift of God and you need to feel this way about yourself. The love you seek is the love of self, the love you deserve is the love of self: treat yourself kindly. Know that you have done the best you could under the difficult circumstances you have been under. The love of yourself is what will get you through this moment in your life, because it is just that: a moment.
The things you lost are the things that were holding you back from becoming the person you that you want to be. The loss of your marriage was not your fault, but the fault of someone who did not see the good in you. The loss of the job is not your fault, but the fault of the economy and the fault of the world as it stands now. There are things you blame yourself for, but they are things that are out of your control. Treat yourself kindly and know that you are doing the best you can. Let go of the guilt, let go of the feelings of failure. The confidence you seek is still there, it has just been shaken a bit. Trust yourself and that you will make the right decisions. The esteem you seek is still there, it has just been bruised a bit; trust that you are wonderful and that you deserve good things in life.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (24 November 2009):
It's a bit like asking "what can I do to recover from a big injury?"
The main answer is to give it time. You will heal on your own but you can help it along by not stressing the injury and being good to your body as a whole.
So the answer to your question is pretty much that. Give it time and you will heal. Be nice to yourself and accept that it will get better. Be positive and healthy and you'll be ok.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (24 November 2009):
 Amongst many things I believe that a fundemental act of getting your self esteem and confidence back is to take real good care of yourself. Keeping healthy, eating a well balanced diet and taking some execise make you feel better. It doesn't have to cost a fortune either. Fixing your hair or putting on a little perfume or aftershave (for the men) just gives you a lift.
I got divorced a few years ago, lost my home, got into a bad relationship and lost a baby over it. It was like my life was out of control for so long, but it really is the little things that make all the difference.
I moved to a new area to make a new start. There is a guy of about 55 who lives down my street. His wife left him and 6 months later he had a stroke. Once every day he walks (on crutches) up and down the street. You can see it's a real hard struggle for him but every day he gets better and better. He told me that it's a small achievable goal he can do everyday to get back someway to being the man he was before his stroke. See!!! a small thing that makes him feel better about himself.
Even keeping a tidy home or making a new friend can be the difference between depression or a step foward.
The small things really do count!!!
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): I am sorry you have been through so many difficult times. It is hard to keep your self-esteem and confidence intact when life throws negative situations at you. However, it is good that you realise you are not alone!
I think confidence and self-esteem are things which can fluctuate. We may lose touch with them for a while...but it is always possible to get them back. I think it is more a state of mind, a belief in yourself, that no matter what happens, you will be okay, you will be able to cope. It can be hard, but if you believe in yourself, then no matter what may happen in the world around you, it won't affect your confidence. It may shake it up a bit, give it a good challenge! But nothing more.
I found an article on this site very helpful, and it might help you too. The link is:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-is-confidence-and-how-do-i-get.html
I'm sure the writer of this article won't mind me mentioning it! I think this explains a lot about how confidence and self-esteem comes from within. I do realise it is not easy, but as the article points out, it is a lifelong thing, a learning process. Of course, practical steps can also help, so if there are some situations proving hard to cope with, finding solutions, or ways to improve those situations, will also help.
Most of all, I think it is about not giving up. You have been through a lot, and it is understandable you feel shaken. Are you getting support from people? Are you able to relax at all? These things can go a long way in helping us to recharge again. I think you sound like a very brave person, and am pleased you are not giving up! We are all on the same journey together. Believe in yourself, be nice to yourself...you can find that confidence again. It is there inside you. Good luck. x
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