A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:A coule of months ago I posted a question regarding my fiance's very close friendship with another woman and how I felt uncomfortable with it. Well we are due to be married before Christmas and ths lady has started calling him more and more. Apparently it is for help and advice over her relationship with her current boyfiend and she uses my fiance as a sounding board. They have known each other for over 15 years and their closeness makes me feel very uncomfortable She is always turning to him for help and he is always there for her. Well this has been going on for months now and I have asked him to cease this contact but he won't. I have asked him not to pick up when she calls but he won't stop. We all used to work together and then they lived together as 'flatmates' for a while but I just feel there is more to it than this. I asked for her number so I could ring her myself and explain how much her constant calling upsets me and that she would not like it beng done to her and my fiance refused to hand over the number. When I asked him for it he squealed and said 'please don't' and I heard real panic in his voice. I asked him 4 times for the number but it was not forthcoming. I now feel that this is very suspicious and it is as if he has something to hide. Due to my past I have severe trust issues and I have now called off the wedding as I know something is not right. My question is 'would you have done the same thing?' Many thanks in advance.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 December 2009):
 I agree with you. I am so so so sorry for saying this but if he really loved and wanted to get married to you, he would be breaking down the door and begging forgiveness at your cancellation of events. The fact he isn't speaking to you at all speaks volumes.
You feel sad now but it sounds like a lucky escape to me...and soon you will be dancing again :-)
Grieve, blow off your anger, level yourself with what happened and then move on swiftly...Life is too short xxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your replies:-
Aunty Em - Actually I told him I would not marry him by phone as we do not live together and he now won't speak to me. I have cancelled the wedding as I feel there is something not right and my gut feeling is very advanced! I am upset but somewhat relieved as a part of me feels they have been having a laugh at my expense and behind my back for a long time. The fiance (ex) says that I am paranoid but I just know it doesn't feel right. The fact that he became so agitated at me not speaking to her really set off the warning bells and his desperation at withholding the number leads me to believe all is not as it should be. I do know that you cannot make anyone do something that they don't want to do voluntarily but I think in this kind of situation you do look at the overall picture and decide what is wisest long term. He clearly does seem to value his frienship with her more than a life with me.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 December 2009):
Theres often no smoke without fire and all that...If there is nothing going on between these two then they are doing an absolutely cracking job of pretending there is!!!.
I am totally with you on the trust issue and there is something fishy about your fiance keeping the 'annoying trouts' number from you. Even if they do share a 'special' friendship, he has commited to marry you and he should be breaking down all the barriers and shouting his love from the rafters, not having cosy commited chats with her!!!
The fact you asked him to stop and he hasn't even discussed with you why this woman is so on his back is indeed suspicious.
All this skullduggery would have me packed and heading for the door.
How did he react to your cancelling the wedding?? was he shocked and upset?? was he full of remorse and regret?? or did you get a whiff of relief from him??...it could all be quite revealing!!
I tend to go with the old adage ' What looks sounds and small like bull****...usually is'
You have my deepest sympathy
AE xx
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (15 December 2009):
 Sometimes we want our cake and eat it too.
Seems like you fiance (ex?) wants both whatever he has with this other woman and marriage with you. But that don't work.
Is it more then friendship? Possible, if they were just friends then what is the problem being open? Surely his friend would be invited to the wedding? If she is more... then that is a no-no.
I think I would have called the wedding of as well. Nothing might be going on, but I think he might wish there as something going on, else why would he be hiding you from her?
Make it clear you want to talk to her, find out what he has been telling her.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 December 2009):
 I doubt I would be insisting on having a phone number for the other woman, as calling her is not going to achieve much more than let her know how vulnerable you are feeling, which is not a good thing if she does have her eyes out for him.
But despite what I would do, if this is the man you have trust issues with, I would be concerned, if he isnt the person you have trust issues with, maybe you have gone a little bit overboard, demanding too much too soon.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (15 December 2009):
 Hun, something just doesnt feel right.. the fact that he wouldnt give you her number says that he is more involved with her than you realise.
If she is having problems with her relationship she should be going to a counsellor.
I do believe that he has to make a choice, either you or her, so rather have this issue sorted out now before you get married.
And, yes, I would have done the same thing!
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