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My naked neighbour!

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 November 2009) 13 Answers - (Newest, 29 November 2009)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

I live next door to a young woman who walks around naked in her house. She is very fit and has every reason to be proud of her body, I guess, but she keeps the windows open for the whole neighborhood to see her. This has upset me a lot especially since I think my husband sneaks a peep whenever he thinks I'm not looking. He admitted to doing it once and we got into a huge argument.

About four years ago, he had an affair with his coworker and I have had difficulty trusting him even though we decided to work on the marriage. I feel like he should be extra scrupulous here to earn my trust and not even go near temptation. I'm too embarrassed to bring this up with my neighbor, and I doubt she would listen anyway (she clearly enjoys the attention or she wouldn't be flaunting so openly).

Is my only solution to move?

View related questions: affair, co-worker, neighbour

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (29 November 2009):

eddie agony auntWhat is the issue? Unless you're peeping too, you only catch quick moment of her passing by the window. I also agree that the issue is more related to your husbands cheating from the past. Are you surprised that he is tempted to see a naked woman. If you are, I think that is naive. I'd bet that the majority of men who would happen to be sitting in the living room, minding their own business, notice a very fit, attractive and naked woman passing by would look. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, it's nature. A huge part of the economy and our culture is based on selling sex to men and selling beauty products to women.

Women want to look pretty, mostly for their own needs and men just happen to enjoy it too. If there was no market for men and their sexual wiring, we wouldn't have it being shoved down our throats all the time.

Based on what your husband did, he has to serve his time in moral and fidelity jail. He screwed up and you've taken him back. He does owe you and has to keep himself above the acceptable limit of even what would be considered "normal" interest in a naked woman walking by. At the same time, I think it would be unrealistic to assume that most men would not be tempted to look. Men are visual creatures and it doesn't mean he loves you less.

Since I don't know him I can't say what he is actually like. I do think though that the biggest part of the issue are his past actions. Also, another point in your favor, just as I say most men would look, the vast majority of women would find your neighbors behaviour strange and unacceptable.

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A male reader, tux United States +, writes (27 November 2009):

tux agony auntIf you really want to insist and play on that being naked in one's house with the blinds open is illegal, you may want to provide links to actual laws that pertain to this incident in every area. The problem with laws is that they are different where ever you go. If you want to make a case that it is illegal, then back it up with facts instead of telling others to go look it up. But here's at least one story..

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2009/10/22/2009-10-22_virginia_man_arrested_for_indecent_exposure_for_being_naked_in_his_own_home.html

but then again that is in Virginia and laws do vary from country to country, state to state and even city to city.

But the naked lady is IMO is not really the problem and calling the cops in this situation is not going to make her relationship any better. Her mistrust will just transfer to another issue or another woman.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009):

Funny how female nudity is always ok, but if it's a guy the story changes. I am sure if this were a man, someone would have already called the cops and he would be sitting in jail as we speak. Oh, and the neighbors would all be hugging their children and getting them counseling LOL

If she is walking around her house naked where other people can see her, that is indecent exposure and public nudity...either way, it is against the law. Look it up.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009):

Just look at all these puritanical idiots blabbing about calling the authorities about a naked girl next door. Perhaps it is YOU who needs to call the police on yourselves, you ridiculous alarmists!

OMG! Its a f-ing naked girl!!! What will we do? AHHHHH!!!!!

Don't you people have better things to do?

Please!

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A female reader, Accountable United Kingdom +, writes (26 November 2009):

Accountable agony auntI agree with tux.. if you weren't worrying about this woman, I imagine you'd just be worrying about another. The issue here isnt your neighbours habit, but your broken trust. She has every right to dress how she wants (or not dress at all, as the case may be..) in her own home. If you havent already tried couples counselling, I would suggest it. Moving will not help at all - you'll just be running away from this woman and straight towards another one. Good luck.

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A male reader, tux United States +, writes (26 November 2009):

tux agony auntI really don't think havign your neighbor closing the windows is going to help any.. I do not believe that this is really about your neighbor being naked, but the fact that you do not trust your husband and are just trying to find an excuse to be mad at him. You either need to trust your husband or move on... moving to another place with your husband is not going to help any... you are just going to find some other "hot" neighbor to worry about.. perhaps one jogging down the street in a tight jogging shorts and a tank top.

You may want to get some marriage counselling and deal with the trust issues with your husband that is still lingering in your mind...

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (26 November 2009):

AuntyEm agony auntWow isn't it weird how different people have different views about nudity!!! I can get your point but making it a police issue is a little vindictive...it's her home!! In England an Englishman's home is his castle and he (or she) can walk around butt naked if he/she chooses!!

I sympathise that you have issues with your husbands previous infidelity and Im sure he does sneek a peek when he can (blimey what man wouldn't!!!). Perhaps you should talk to him about stopping and leave the woman (in her own home) in peace.

AE xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009):

It's not against the law, just drop a note through her door explaining how you can see and would she please shut the curtains next time

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009):

Spray water on her when she walks by the window? Im sorry, jokes aside this shouldn't have been an issue had your husband not cheated on you in the first place. But, to trust him doesn't mean he should work his ass off for your trust and you do nothing. You need to give it to him as well.

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A male reader, Beingblack United Kingdom +, writes (26 November 2009):

Beingblack agony auntThis is open to interpretation.

The law in the US seems a little vague, depending on which state you live in.

Generally, it seems a woman cannot be arrested for being naked in her own home, especially if her 'picture' window does not overlook the street. However, if a man sees her naked, and she sees him looking, he can be charged with peeping.

You will also have to prove that the woman is DELIBERATELY exposing herself for others to see. This might be difficult. It really does depend on her intentions.

If she is merely walking around from room to room, and not committing any lewd acts, she will get away with it.

If you can get support from a few other neighbours and just let her know that her actions are distressing, it would be a step in the right direction.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009):

Call the police. what she is doing is ILLEGAL. She may even have mental health problems. She does not need to know it is you - just make an anonymous call.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009):

I just posted, and I had to share what I think is pretty funny...imagine being at the police station when that call comes in. There will be mayhem as the guys all try to get out the door first to respond, make sure to tell them, she is very buff and fit LOL.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009):

Call the cops, this IS against the law, it's called indecent exposure. After she pays a couple of fines she will think twice about exposing herself, or putting some clothes on. If she wants to parade around naked, she can do it at a strip joint... What are you waiting for? You will feel so much better when the windows are closed :)

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