A
female
age
51-59,
bitch
writes:Since Tiger Woods has now admitted to cheating it seems like everybody is doing it. So why not cheat? There are a lot of other respectable politicians and entertainment personalities who have done it and some even get caught doing it as well. So I ask all of you... if these seemingly respectable people are doing it, why not the rest of us? Is it so wrong really? There are two sides to cheating. The person who cheats usually can find some way to justify the cheating in their head. They usually can find a good reason in their minds to explain how they ended up in such a shameful situation. The cheater will tell you they love their spouse or significant other but somehow this happened anyway. I think it is possible to love somebody and cheat on them. I believe that the temptation to cheat can happen to the best of us. I think that if we are unhappy it somehow makes sense to cheat. It just does. But it doesn't make it right. The cheater can get over feelings of guilt as long as they justify the act some way in their head and as long as their siginficant other doesn't find out. When they are found out, it is a different story for the cheater. They may begin to regret the act and wish they never gave into the temptation. They may begin to feel real guilt and shame. They may wish it never happened and wish they could take it back. Somehow the finding out makes them feel more guilt and shame than if they were never caught. If they were never caught, they could forget about it and go on like nothing happened with no reminders other than their own dwindling thoughts of the encounters.The person who gets cheated on will feel total rejection and pain. A pain that never really goes away completely. I know this for a fact. Even though my spouse cheated on me with "paid" women and there was never a romantic relationship with any of them, it still hurts me. It hurts me even to this day even though I kicked him out of our home a year ago and divorced him a month ago. I am still forever scarred by his actions. I think being cheated on is one of the most hurtful things a spouse or lover can do to their mate. I feel guilt for ending our marriage of 20 years, but I know that I would always have this resentment towards him because of what he did. I sometimes wish he never came clean and told me. It changed how I feel about him forever. If he never told me I would not be divorced. I would not be struggling with paying my bills, I would not be raising a 3 year old basically by myself except for the 10 hours a week in total he has her. I would not be scared for my future. I would be financially comfortable and happy with to be ignorant of his transgressions i guess for lack of a better word. I don't know if I am better off knowing he did this to me or if I would have been better off if he never told me. Why not cheat? Because cheating is wrong. Very wrong. It does not make any sense and it hurts everybody involved at some point in time. It does not make it any more acceptable if it is done by Tiger Woods or the president of the United States or your next door neighbor. It is unacceptable in all cases. If you have ever comtemplated cheating be glad you never acted upon your thoughts. If you have ever cheated, try to learn from your mistake and never do it again. And if you have been cheated on, I would give you a hug if I could but since I can't I want to say that you are stronger than you even know, and you can forgive your cheater but to forget is impossible. I wish you all peace tonight....
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female
reader, bitch +, writes (26 December 2009):
bitch is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter I found out my ex husband cheated on me I never looked at him the same way again. I tried for another year and a half to make our marriage work and had good intentions to do so. I thought I could forgive him and move on. But I always held onto what he did to me in the back of my head. It was almost like I used it against him mentally when he did something else to hurt me, he was an angry guy at times. And he would say stupid angry things to me here and there. But I use to let that go until he told me about the prostitutes. After he told me about that, I couldn't let anything go anymore. I started to get very annoyed with the little things I didn't like that he did. Things that I would just "forget" about prior to knowing, I could no longer forget or let go of. It made me judge him and think differently of him. I knew he was sorry. But I couldn't understand why if he was so sorry that he would do it in the first place. I just don't think he was thinking of me at all. And that made me want to just end our marriage. I just didn't want to try anymore. It wasn't worth it anymore for me. I can't explain it but it just was the end. I was done. He struggled to stay faithful because he was a sex addict. And I understand the addiction part of it. But honestly I feel like I was never appreciated and never respected. How can you respect somebody and then go see a prostitute behind their back? I hope my current boyfriend never cheats on me because it will crush me. I don't think he will. He seems honest and caring. I would be devastated if he did. He says he never would do that to me. He said he could never hurt me that way. So I believe him. Cheaters have issues, they have self esteem problems. My ex had self esteem problems. But I also had self esteem problems and still do. I am glad to be divorced and in a new relationship where I feel very cared for and loved. I feel like I am special. And I feel like I am #1 in this man's life. I never felt that way when I was married to my husband. I never felt so appreciated and so loved and cared about. So maybe it was meant to be. I don't know.
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (25 December 2009):
 It is said that 'everything is fair and good in love and war'
War is a question of life and death, so cheating is for life, and is fair and good. But, sex is for life and not for death, so cheating in love or sex is thinkable.
Sex give life, not in procreative but in creative sense. But cheating in sexual affairs are some what different. Sex the life giver, is put on fire. Cheater do not cheat someone for better sex, but cheat, in the name of 'better sex'. Cheater do not intended sex, but something higher than sex in cheater's estimate. Say for money. Say for power lust. This is cheating.
Husband and wife can make their vision clear and share their sex life better without being cheater, provided they estimate sex as supreme value, so supreme that money or power cannot hold higher status.
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A
female
reader, anastatia +, writes (22 December 2009):
I think the real question is...why get married...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009): Yes, I agree, cheating is very painful especially for the woman because she may feel that a younger woman may be more attractive or more of a novelty.
Basically, men are programmed to be attracted to any woman who is a sexual turn on whereas women, whose role is to bring up the offspring, expect a man to be a permanent feature of their lives. This is part of nature but is, alas, far too simple for us humans. We could all write and read books on the subject and still be none the wiser but the simple solution is for both the man and the woman to make each other happy,concentrate on this. The man may want sex or kinky sex or to be embraced and told how wonderful he is. He may want his spouse to be attractively turned out. The woman will want to feel wanted. She will want to feel that she matters and that she is loved. She may like flowers and other treats from time to time and so on. So the rule may be,
Make each other feel wanted.
Make each other feel they matter.
Personally, I am a bit of an idiot where women are concerned. I simply cannot bear to see a woman cry and all I want to do is take her in my arms and comfort her. Age and looks etc. are not an issue. If I see a woman crying on TV I am overcome with sympathy for her. I am a little stupid in this way.
Basically, I think that if a woman makes her husband feel good about himself and she plays the sex game well, she is on a winner. If a man treats his wife as someone to be cherished, embraced and loved, he is on a winner.
Yes, I know, I know, this is a counsel of perfection but it might just work if given a try.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009): Yes, I agree, cheating is very painful especially for the woman because she may feel that a younger woman may be more attractive or more of a novelty.
Basically, men are programmed to be attracted to any woman who is a sexual turn on whereas women, whose role is to bring up the offspring, expect a man to be a permanent feature of their lives. This is part of nature but is, alas, far too simple for us humans. We could all write and read books on the subject and still be none the wiser but the simple solution is for both the man and the woman to make each other happy,concentrate on this. The man may want sex or kinky sex or to be embraced and told how wonderful he is. He may want his spouse to be attractively turned out. The woman will want to feel wanted. She will want to feel that she matters and that she is loved. She may like flowers and other treats from time to time and so on. So the rule may be,
Make each other feel wanted.
Make each other feel they matter.
Personally, I am a bit of an idiot where women are concerned. I simply cannot bear to see a woman cry and all I want to do is take her in my arms and comfort her. Age and looks etc. are not an issue. If I see a woman crying on TV I am overcome with sympathy for her. I am a little stupid in this way.
Basically, I think that if a woman makes her husband feel good about himself and she plays the sex game well, she is on a winner. If a man treats his wife as someone to be cherished, embraced and loved, he is on a winner.
Yes, I know, I know, this is a counsel of perfection but it might just work if given a try.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (15 December 2009):
 When all is said and done I have to say I am against cheating...even though I know human beings are not manogamous by nature and that fidelity is mostly down to social/religious and cultural pressure.
Almost everyone has the potential to cheat but those lucky enough to be mutually involved in the deepest love or just those who are thoroughly decent human beings don't!!!
In a perfect world...we'd all be penguins!!!
Aunty Em xxx
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A
female
reader, jasmin nisar  +, writes (13 December 2009):
 straight up people like tiger woods cant possibly be seen as respectable if they have cheated or are even thinking of doing it whether marrid or in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship its totally wrong. nothing but heart ache and lies can come from it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): there is absolutely NO reason for cheating. Someone who you love should have you're full and undivided attention, anyone one who cheats needs to seriously think things over. My prayers go out to all those who have been cheated on, it hurts worse then breaking any body part and may God bless you all.
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A
female
reader, Lovely Sweet Laura  +, writes (4 December 2009):
 You can get over it. Yeah it sucks but you know what, we all make mistakes. I agree that it is unacceptable and that the excuses do not outweigh the pain the action causes. Once doubt is placed in your mind-you can feed it or look at it logically. If you continue to feed it, you will never be able to trust that person again... in some cases you will feel you can trust no one at all for awhile, depends how much you believed that person cared for you to begin with. You can try to trust but if you feed the doubt you never really will. If you look at it, realize it for what exactly it is-a terrible way to treat someone- and then leave it you can let it go. Forgiveness whether they wanted it or not..you shouldn't let one persons mistake haunt your existence for the rest of your life. My opinion of course.
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