A
male
age
,
*uy619
writes:What should I do if my partner is lying to me about guys she is seeing when I am not around? I am either at work or in the evenings she will stay out late some nights. We know each other very well and have spoken about this but with no solution. She becomes angry if I ask questions. She says she lies about guys she sees because I would 'have a problem' sbout it. My current stance is that I would like to have the chance to respond, 'to have a problem', and therefore the opportunity of speaking my mind.I have no problem with most people but if she is seeing guys, some may be ex's or previous 'invovements' or 'old friends' (meaning they have had sex at some point in the past) then I'm not keen on that idea - especially as I am 1. Never invited 2. Never told anything 3. Banned from ever asking questions - and lied to about it.What should I do next about this lying?
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male
reader, Guy619 +, writes (17 July 2010):
Guy619 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies. Everyone has said basically the same - that there isn't much of a relationship here any more.
Caring Guy - you mention that you would be suspicious and I guess there is part of me that wonders if anything has happened - but mostly I find the non-sharing of what she is doing and exculsion more of a worry.
You say:
"Personally, given her response to all this, I'd secretly find out EXACTLY what she's up to with these guys. This sounds so suspicious. But you need to do it quietly, because you won't get an answer from her." How would I go about finding out secretly? An ideas anyone?
Even if nothing is happeneing and it is purely a "social life" then why the exclusion, secrecy, omissions and lies?
Last night she didn't come back until midnight. She had texted me when I left work and said she was at her studio still. I got on the road and got back at 7pm - She knows generally whattime I get back because I let her know. She sent a message at 6.30pm saying she still had some work to finish. I work long hours and Friday evening is mostly a day where we can spend the evening together when I don't have to be up at 5.30am. When I asked she told me she had been for a drink with the guy she knows who works next door. I didn't know anything about this guy so I asked about him and for once stood my ground - even though she got angry about me asking. Apparently they have been meeting for coffees, drinks, chats, quite often at her studio, for the last "3 or 4 months". This is somewhere even I am not invited as a matter of course because she is a creative type and she says it is her private creative world.
If anyone has any thoughts about this I would be grateful. It seems nothing is going on but she didn't answer me when I asked if she had any feelings for him developing. When I asked why she felt the need not to tell me about this guy she said "there is never time" - which is patently not true. A social life is fine but why all the secrecy?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (16 July 2010):
 Seems like she doesn't really want you in her life.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 July 2010):
 Do you actually know that something bad is going on...or is she just catching up with friends when your working?
She's obviously determined to carry on having a social life without you...whether shes innocent or not. The fact that she doesn't want you with her could be down to many reasons. Whatever they are you have no trust between you. If you don't have trust, you don't have a relationship.
Probably time to call it quits!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 July 2010):
I'd be very suspicious, to be honest. Personally, given her response to all this, I'd secretly find out EXACTLY what she's up to with these guys. This sounds so suspicious. But you need to do it quietly, because you won't get an answer from her.
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