A
male
age
,
*ialloray
writes:My female friend is in an unhappy marriage and has wanted to leave it but has now decided to work at it again for a few months. I am also in an unhappy marriage and want out. Recently we have become closer when she confided her marriage problems with me and I also shared mine with her. Her husband saw us at an event recently and I suspect he thinks that there is something going on even though there technically isn't. I think this because she is no longer responding to my emails and is being distant whenever we see one another. What should I do? I would like to tell her how I feel but do not want to risk completely losing her. I am hoping that by trying to give her space that she will come round. I really miss her... Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (7 July 2010):
 If she definitely wants out at a later stage, comes to you...and whats more PROVES to you shes definitely ending her marriage...then would be a good time to tell her as she may need tyour support then. You also need to initiate your own divorce so your free.
Remember this may not be as cut and dried as it seems...it's a rocky difficult path with emotions running high and financial arrangements to be sorted. The implications of divorce affect an entire family and can have repercussions. I am sure you have thought about all that. Your life certainly will change and the outcome is uncertain...
But if this is what you both eventually want then the dye is cast.
A
male
reader, gialloray +, writes (7 July 2010):
gialloray is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, AuntyEm. It's basically what I am doing. It is hard in that when she confided in me she had decided to leave him and even entered into an agreement to rent a flat. When she later that day told him that she was unhappy he convinced her to keep at their relationship and she decided not to take the flat so it was back to square one. In your opinion, should she later decide that she definitely wants out, when would be the most appropriate time for me to tell her how I feel? I ask this because she may confide in me again should she decide to separate.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (7 July 2010):
There isn't much you can do hun. She has made the decision to try to work things out with her husband and you cannot interfere with that, however much you like her. Telling her how you feel at this time would be a mistake, because you know you arn't free yourself and things have already been complicated when her husband saw you together.
She is keeping her distance because she is trying to make things work with him...despite what she has told you...her actions speak louder.
She may come around again, but you need to wait and let her come to you. Get on with your own life. If you feel your marriage is over, then start divorce proceedings...or maybe try to repair things with your wife.
It's a tough call but it has only one possible path...you need to back off and let her be at this time.
...............................
|
