A
female
age
51-59,
*ostinlove1001
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months now and we have never so much as even had a fight. He has been very busy with work and other obligations so we have only been able to see each other about once a week, which was fine because we would talk on the phone every day and would text, most of which were initiated by him. I felt good, and i felt loved.Last week, we had a HUGE blowout, where he accused me of lying to him, granted the lies were not huge (what resturant i ate at, how many pounds I'd lost that week, ETC) but they were still little fibs, and he was right, I did fib to him from time to time.I apologized to him and begged his forgivness, which he gave. I asked for us to have another go, and he agreed. Problem is, over the past week he has barely called or texted, and i hardly hear from him. He checks in once a day just to see how I am, we talk for a few minutes then he says he will call me later and never does. He says that in order for the feelings to return it will take time. He says he loves me, he says he misses me, but he says the break has felt good to him and he needs time because at the moment he has no desire for things to go back to the way they were right this moment.Yesterday i spoke to him frankly, and told him this arrangment was not working out. That I do indeed love him, and I understand that he is angry but i cannot stand the neglect any longer. We hardly speak and I had not seen him since the blowout a week prior. I hastily hung up the line with him telling him we would talk later.A few hours later he called me and asked me to dinner, which was suprising. I went, we had a tearful reunion and i had though that everything was back to normal. We held one another, we spoke softly, and it was clear that he had indeed missed me. I was able to rest easy for the first time in a week that night. Now today, we are back to bad. I only spoke to him once for five minutes, he said he would call back and never did. i just texted him goodnight hoping to prompt a call, but all I got back was a simply "goodnight".Friends, I am exsasperated and desperate for things to return to normal with this man, but it seems like everytime i am ready to walk away he takes another step forward and then two steps back. Am i being unreasonable? Should I give him more time to get over this? What do I do?I want to give him time, because it WAS I who wronged him, but in the meantime MY life is passing me by, and I have no guarantee that things will EVER be good again. Please...any advice would be helpful....
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 July 2010):
 Men have really suspicious minds when you lie to them. Admittedly the lies were small but he reacted badly. Probably in his mind he's thinking 'What else HAS she lied about?' or 'What else COULD she lie about?'.
Now he's evaluating...wondering if he trusts you. NOTE THE ' IF he trusts you'. You can say sorry a million times, get in his face, back off, draw near, give him ultimatums, accuse him of neglecting you...but right now I can tell you...THAT MAN IS IN HIS PROTECTIVE CAVE!!!...so LEAVE HIM BE.
It doesn't matter how small the lies were and how much you grovelled to get him to forgive you. He has to make up his own mind and you, jumping up and down in front of him isn't gonna make a difference. Sure he might miss you, but it's him alone who can make the decision as to whether he wants to keep you in his life.
You might feel let down and truly sorry and feel the full weight of injustice but you have to realise that most men are really sensitive about these things. They process information in a different way and right now he is NOT wanting you to make a fool out of him.
My best advice to you would be to do absolutely nothing. If he calls you try to just act normal, be sweet but don't push it...give him time to come back at you. It may take a while and there is no way of knowing if he's going to stay or go...it's not your call...it's his...so let him have it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): You've obviously hurt him very much and broken his trust so I feel he is right to back off. The fact that you had the tearful reunion says something. I think you need to give him more time.
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