A
female
age
36-40,
*enere
writes:I just moved in permanetly with my fiance and one day my fiance was showing me some photos he had in his phone, but wouldnt let me hold his phone, so i insisted and basically fought him for it n took his phone away from him and discovered that he was hiding some photos. They were pics of girls. Basically of both times he had gone to a bar w.out me. Some were of some girls in shorts and he took pics of their butts, and some were of other girls in the pool in bikinis, but the ones that I felt worst about were of other girls he had met and was hugging them. These girls were in bikinis and they were basically all over him!(BTW these girls had beautiful bodies and were beautiful too! They werent models, but regualar women.) I felt sooo hurt and I cried! I asked him to delete this photos, and he did, so I thought he did. I later found out that he didnt delete all pics and in fact had more pics of him hugging these girls from that same day. He always keeps his phone locked, but before I never discovered anything like this, so i never suspected anything. I also found out that he sent the pics to our mutual guy friends, to show off. I felt so humilitated and honestly like a fool!!!! Ever since I found these photos I noticed more than before that he is always checking out girls in front of me. He makes it so obvious! Even when we are around our friends. I feel so bad about it especially cuz he tells me that I need to lose weight.I feel sooo insecure! I wonder if I should be worrying about him cheating on me. Is he trying to find someone better looking? Or should I just let it go? Is this normal male behavior?
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female
reader, Logicgirl  +, writes (30 July 2010):
 Say what do you want to say and do what do you want to do. This is you life and you have to love yourself. When you want say something, say it. Dont think about what people will think about you and say to you. If it you, then the rest of the world doesnt matter. Let the anger take over you. Think about what he did to you, how he hurt you. How much you gave him and in return what you got. Its unfair isnt it? For you to cry and for him to laugh. For you to be sad about your fallen relationship and for him to live-his-LIFE!!! HOW CAN YOU LET THAT SCUM GET AWAY WITH IT!?! Go to him, show him how angry you are. Scream, hit, let him feel your anger. Good luck! *pant pant*
A
female
reader, LJP2000 +, writes (11 July 2010):
I agree with what everyone else said. Leave this guy! You do not need him!
The issue is not whether or not he is cheating or if this is "normal guy" behavior. The issue is that he has no respect for you.
You need to stand up for yourself and realize that you deserve better.
You don't need to be with someone who is going to make you feel bad about yourself.
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A
female
reader, Logicgirl +, writes (11 July 2010):
Leave.him.immediately. 'Those who kills us, are not one of us' a Turkish saying. If he does all those things to you then dont hesitate and kick him to the moon. He 'hasnt' and wont do anything good to you and dont cry after him because a lowlife like him deserves nothing, not even a good person like you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Hun, you will find someone who treats you better! This man is not treating you good at all, so he is nice to you, but he also takes pictures with other girls, like some type of trophy. I fear that this will, or already has, lead to cheating. He is already being secretive, has a lock on his phone. So you can wonder what else he is hiding! When he feels it is okay to lie/hide these things from you, that is a sign of how low his principles are. I would not trust him. he has abused your trust! What is worse is he KNOWS that this was wrong of him. He KNEW you would be hurt if you saw those pictures. Yet he not only took them, he also kept them, even after you asked him to delete them. He chose the pictures over you! And he does not value you.
This is too large of a bad side for you to ignore. You will find someone who treats you better, because there are good decent guys out there in the world who understands what respect is about.
No, this is not normal male behavior, this is normal douche-bag behavior.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 I'll tell you exactly how you can become more confident...almost instantly!
Pack up your stuff and leave him, don't give him an explaination or get into an argument...give him a very clear sign that you are absolutely NOT going to be treated like a doormat.
He told you to lose weight...this is controlling behaviour
He has lied to you...this is controlling behaviour.
He is making you feel insecure by skanking on other women...this is controlling behaviour.
He is taking advantage of your soft nature, knows he can manipulate you (because your so attached)thats why he's checking out other women...if he does it now...he always will...it's him!
Do the unexpected...walk and don't look back.
There will ALWAYS be someone else out there darling...the world is full of all kinds of guys, good bad, lovely and ugly!!! YOU haven't met the right guy for you yet...the guy who makes you feel completely loved and will apreciate your love for him (there are millions of guys who respect that, and want it)
Don't worry about the home, engagement and all the time you have invested in the jerk...that's just life...the smart thing is to recognise when someone is treating you badly and to save yourself. If you sacrifice yourself to him, hoping he's going to change...well let me tell you, it's not gonna happen...and even if eventually it does, it's going to drive you half crazy!!!
Your a young woman with your whole life ahead of you. Taking the decision to NOT allow this to happen to you, will be the most confident and empowering thing you ever do.
Also the best thing is you will never allow someone to treat you like dirt again...because you will see it coming a mile off!!
You wern't put on this earth for someone to wipe their feet on you...take control, love that you are sensitive and sweet and kind.
Once you change the gameplan...your life will take off!!
Best of luck sweetheart xxx
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Sweetheart, this is a big red flag at this stage in your relationship. He enjoys and feels entitled to the company of other women. He may love you but feels a little superior to you for whatever reason, maybe he is more attractive or has a better job but trust me that these tendencies develop in to full on cheating further down the road.
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A
female
reader, venere +, writes (11 July 2010):
venere is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice. I always appreciate and value other people's opinions and perspectives. I've been feeling more and more insecure and I hate this feeling. This guy is my first and only boyfriend, so I feel very attached to him, but I'm just so hurt that I feel I can't get over this ever. I'm the kind of girl that lets my boyfriend do what he likes and doesn't question him cuz I always trusted him, I always felt that I was in an open and sincere relationship, but now I lost his trust! ( I don't like to be a girlfriend who nags and doesn't let him enjoy with friends and coworkers.) I'm considering my options, but I also feel insecure of there being someone out there who will treat me better, and I dont want to get my hopes too high either. I love him, but I feel like this relationship is going nowhere, we've been together for 5 yrs and its slowly progessing, and now that it has I feel like he's changing. I feel like he's become more cocky, ever since he started his career and has become successful. He's more into his career and friends than me. Also, these girls that he's been meeting are through his coworker's happy hour get togethers. I feel like this is pulling us apart. My problem is that I'm a very shy and soft spoken person who has now become very insecure! How can I become more confident?
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A
female
reader, Falling_Star +, writes (11 July 2010):
 No like that girl said, this is NOT a normal male behavior. He's your freaking fiance, if he's a good fiance then yes he would totally make you feel special and you're the only one for him. That's a jerk move telling you that you need to lose weight. Please don't let it go, you need to do something about it. He's a jerk, he has his own "schedule." Don't stay with him.Good luck! I hope you gonna make the right choice for you, and I know it might be hard letting him go but it's for the better. (:
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): Pull back, stay at a friend's place, and evaluate of this is the type of husband you want...not deserve. any man who loves you heart and soul would not ask you to change your appearance. think of how upset you are now, and how upset you'll be in five years when you find out he slept with some bar whore...not worth the tears. sorry to be so blunt because I know it's painful, but he's not going to change, and you deserve more. there are others who wouldn't even think twice about checking some girl out....simply because the one they're with is everything to him.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 July 2010):
 You should be worried that he would hide the pictures from you. He's doing things behind your back, hiding them, and then lying. That doesn't seem like a boyfriend material type of guy. I'm sorry this happened, but you can do way way better. And he tells you that you need to lose weight? He's making you insecure. A good boyfriend makes you feel like a better person, not like you're a fool or like you need to change. This is not normal male behavior.
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A
male
reader, scott27  +, writes (11 July 2010):
I believe you have every right to feel hurt and insecure. If he loved you he would never comment on your weight in anyway other than a joking way. I'm sorry to say this but I think you should be worried. Guys like to have pics of girls and thats not such a bad thing, but pics of girls he has taken at a bar or of girls in a pool aren't very appropriate while he is in a relationship. Especially if he is trying to hide them from you and your not okay with them. To not delete them when you asked says to me that he is selfish and cares more about his photos than how you feel about it. I suggest asking him what he wants? Does he want his girlfriend to be happy and not feel insecure or does he want his pics of other girls. You are not a fool, he is the fool for not realising what he has, and that he is hurting you or not caring that he is hurting you. Be honest with him, tell him how you feel about this. If he still doesn't care leave him. Hope that helps and wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Your weight doesn't excuse him doing all this. Is not normal or abnormal, more amoral I should say. He's an idiot. I hope you don't marry him. And there is nobody telling you you must live with him permanently.
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