A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am so sad. This is what happened yesterday. I am traveling now, in a small town, where i only know one person. He took me out to this upscale place. We are just friends, i know him for 15 years, so when we are out we can do whatever we want.Curcumstances of my visit are not happy. I don't want to tell here the wholle story, but everytime i come to this city, i feel very much out of place, and not happy at all.I started talking to this guy, who eyed me the moment i walked into a bar. Cute guy, but not breathtaking, to tell the truth. I had 3 wines, we talked, and then i steped outside. He didn't follow me. When i came back 10 min.later he was talking to 2 other ladies significantly older than him w/such enthusiazm, that even my friend told me how come that guy is not paying attention to me, because he saw how he was looking at me through the nite. An hour later i felt like i want to go home. The cute guy(let me call him that) was sitting right next to me, and i thought at least i would say goodby to him. When i came up to him, he said'Already, leaving? Stay a little longer' These 2 older ladies left, and i stayed, we started talking again, and few hour later we closed up the place. We ended up at his place. Was my idea, he looked very happy of-course when we were driving to his house. This is what he did for me: he gave me foot massage, kissing every single of my toes, saying that he never saw such beatifull feet, we kissed and kissed and kissed,he gave me several orgazms w/his tongue (very very skilled). He was not very large down there, but operated w/it very well.He had beatifull fit body, at the end i thought i am a little in love. He wouldnt let go of me all night, holding me in his arms, in a morning we made love again, looking into each other eyes. It was great, really.Then we slept, and in a morning it was a different person. The guy DIDN'T TALK. I mean AT ALL!!he wouldn't look at me, or offer me coffee. We had to drive back like 20 min. to pick up his motorcycle. There was silence through the trip. I tried to say something jokingly about some really silly things, hope he didn't take it too seriosly. Then he huged me and said have a great the rest of your trip, and that was all. He never gave me his phone number, he has my bussiness card though. I have a very good feeling that he won't call.Now, guys tell me what was that? I don't really do it very often, pick up a guy at the bar and go home w/him, realy few ocassions my wholle life. But could he at least finish the whole thing a little more friendlier. I feel so crapy right now. The guy WOULDN"T LOOK at me AT ALL after that crazy passionate love making. I am telling you, it was not just sex, he acted like he loved me that nite, thats how effectionate and caring he was, w/all this oral sex that lasted forever.He knows i am leaving in a few days, but i told him that i come there few times a year. He made no intention to see me again.Thats fine, but to keep silence and acting like last night never happened. Why do you guys act like this the morning after?Most of the time this is how men act, so detached. I knew it was a one night stand before it even started, but can you guys make it a fun experience until we part? So women wouldn't have to feel so crapy as i do now. I really feel ugly, can't help it, despite the fact that i know I am a very pretty woman.Few years ago, i had the same thing, one night w/a very young guy in his twenties. It was beatifull, we never saw each other again, but the way he acted in a morning, so caring and greatfull that we had that night together. We joked all the way to my car, he huged me telling me over and over how beatifull i am, and what a great time he had. Why can't you guys act like that boy? Pretend for heaven sake, but don't make us feel like this in a morning.Now, i don't know what to do w/myself. I think i am done w/one night stands. The thrill is great, but than a payback comes the next morning.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): Hmm.. May be he was hungover, i don't know.
Yes, you right it's my standards, antiasexual. That's funny that you said ask before the wholle thing.
I am still in this small town. Have few days left. Yesterday, it was Saturday, i couldn't sit at the hotel. I was not that upset anymore, and things looked brighter for me. I went out, and someone bought me a drink. It was dark, i waived across the room, but when he came closer it was a really young guy, probably mid twenties, very cute w/funny hair. We talked for may be 3 hours, he kept checking me out and standing very very close.
And then we flirted, and he kept saying how beatifull i am, u know the ussual things.
It was all very cute, he was handsome and smelled good, and so so young. And looking at me with those puppy eyes.
I desided to tell him my story, explaining why i am going home alone tonite. I told him how upset i was few days ago, and i don't want to repeat this experience again.
The young man was very honest. He said, that he doesn't act like that because he is just a very friendly guy, but he knows that majority of guys act like that the morning after. He also was a little confused why i am upset about it. he said: you had great sex, isn' it what you wanted? Why do you give a damn about that guy? He did his job well,and dissapeared, what can be better than that?
Well, to make the long story short, we are going to see a movie today. It was very clear to me after that conversation how different our mentalities are. Me getting so upset and feeling so crapy about something that this guy couldn't even understand what the drama was.
May be i should look at the whole thing differently and take it much lighter, that i did.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): FROM OP: I just had a conversation w/my friend who took me out that nite about 'the morning after issue'. He was single until he was in his 40s, and had a bunch of one night stands. He found this guy behavior "at least strange". He said he never acted like that w/a woman the morning after, always trying to be as corteous as possible.
He said it's a mere politness at least to be friendly w/someone you just were intimate with.
I had a lot of coments here defending this man behavor, describing it as a "deal". I don't look at it as a deal. And yes i do expect from men the bare minimum after sex, i do expect a man to act consistently and at least polite.
And if they can't provide that little, then they don't deserve to have casual sex at all, that could be so much fun for both parties.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 July 2010):
 For once I have to totally agree with the male posters.
The one night stand package deal does not include things like tenderness, pleasant conversation, friendliness or lovingkindness once the deed is done. You MIGHT find some guys who throw these things in out of the goodness of their hearts,but you can't really expect them or be surprised by their absence.
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A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (17 July 2010):
 Hi, I have read all the responses in this post and really this one became a hot topic huh.
To the OP, no one can blame you of what you feel. I feel the same way too coz I had experienced it. Your story is very similar to mine but I have known this guy for about 2 years and he was my ex. The next morning after the "one-night stand" coz we haven't seen each other for months, he just wont look at me. I don't know why, he looked like he was shy or something, he would look at me but just a quick look.
I didn't like it but no hard feelings. I said to myself, well, he didn't drag me to his house, I went there voluntarily and flirted and slept with him. What should I expect? It hurt you know but no tears will correct what I did, at least I learned my lesson. But I will not blame him and I will forget that it ever happened to us. I just know what I should do next.
Well, it was a long time, about a month until he tried to talk to me again. Then he tried to call me at 12midnight (bootycall) asking me if I wanted to go to his house. I said "sorry I can't".
Now he wont stop texting me about random things but as I promised myself, he will not get anything from me anymore. So who's the loser? Him.
Forget what happened to you, but learn from it. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): He wasn't getting me into bed, that was my idea. he didn't offer it, i did. You guys looking for some kind of agenda here, there was none. My question was about regular human behavor, and i think to act soooo detached and cold is just bad manner thats all. What i was expecting is just friendliness, u know , some kind of warm heart following sex, that's all. No agenda, no future, no attachment, just kindness, and no deep thoughts, just kindness toward a woman that you had sex with. Nothing more.
I expected the same feeling i had toward this guy;we are two strangers that met, we liked each other physically , we did what we wanted, it was lovely. it ment to end lovely. It didnt.
There is no fault of mine here. I am dissapointed only because he acted in a strange manner for me, thats' all.
I wish you guys learn one day that you can benefit from feeeling something when you have casual sex, as much as we girls do. I wish you learn how not to treat a woman as a disposable plate, once you had your food, the plate has to be cleaned up. There is no justification to act like an
animal. because we are not animals. We are humans, that feel and are responsible for other person feelings. We are compasionate, that wat differs us from animals.
We can talk about morals all we want, how we girls have to watch what we are doing because guys are like that.
I don't want to do that anymore, i don't want to think about it anymore. ALL I WANT IS ANOTHER HUMAN BEING IN BED WITH ME, EVEN IF IT IS FOR ONE NITE.I don't want to think about his changes in the morning after. I want to have an enjoyable experience from the begining to the very end.
And because you guys are like that, it's not happening for me anymore. No one nite stands for me. Happy? Keep acting like robots when you wake up, feeling nothing and only nothing. If that's make you happy....
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (17 July 2010):
 He was nice and chatty in to you, just to get you into bed.
If he had been like he was in the morning, the night before, would you have gone back to his place? No? It was all part of the game. It was in his interests to be nice, friendly, chatty. It made you want him. He got what he wanted, he didnt have to pretend after. That was the real man.
You fell for the tactic.
This is why I have never, and will never have a one night stand. It is a soul destroying, cold, selfish act.
I am worth more than that. So are you.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (17 July 2010):
But the friendliness was merely a cover. One night stands, by definition, aren't about mornings after and being kind. They're about sex, and that's it. You will meet men who are happy to talk the day after. You will meet men who don't give a damn. That's how one night stands are. You'll meet the good and the bad, and because there is no real time to get to know each other you can't pick out the bad ones and avoid them. This is the chance you take. The chance you take is that you go with a guy who doesn't care about anything other than sex. He's not under any obligation to be nice, because it's not about being nice. It's just about sex. I'm afraid this is how one night stands are. Some guys you'll like, some you won't. And to take it personally is the wrong thing to do, because you can be sure he won't give a damn. One night stands aren't about expectations, civil treatment or anything like that. They're just about sex.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): well
he got what he want
and no need for him to be nice any more
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): From original poster. You all have valid points, some of you missing a little here. I wasn't emotionally attached to this stranger, My frase:i was a little bit in love was a figure of speech.
All i expect from this 'events' is logical human nice treatment from a man, who just was so close w/me. We are equal here, i don't agree w/word 'use' each other. We enjoied each other very much.
All i expect from a guy is a very minimum- is to be as friendly as he was the nite before, that's all.May be show a little effection, that's all. But this silence, and avoiding looking at me like i am some toad... Yes, it's upsetting and was very incomfortable for me.
He was not undersized. He was just regular, nothing much. I wasn't dissapointed, as he was so pleasing from the very beginning. I understand that the way he acted in bed it probably was self expression, not feelings for me, that's fine, but why not to self express himself further on, the morning after.
As for advice to get me a boyfriend, i think i know what i want from this life at this time, and it's deffinitely not a boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 July 2010):
 Very sad and bad experience it was, right? You got into a situation where both sides are using the other, and, well, this is what you got. Sorry.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): He might have been turned off by something stupid. Maybe you farted during the night. Maybe you didn't do something he was hoping for. Maybe he sensed your slight dissapointment at his undersized member. Maybe he was drunk.
You are reading way too much into what obviously had one night stand written all over it. Getting emotionally attached happens. But it isnt supposed to happen at some bar where you barely talk then go to his place and fuck. Wake up. If he was into you, he'd give you his number.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): Thank you all for responding.
Q1605, i appreciate your cynical remark about my age and rose petals. No, i didn't expect rose petals, just didn't expect a completely different person from night before and in a morning.
That keeps puzzling me this behavor. Why to change so much after wonderfull time that we had. Why not to be that sweet and caring guy that he was just a few hours ago.
Rules of engagement in my point of view were: have sex, which we did, it was great, then wake up in am morning actualy still liking each other, have coffee, small talk, like civilized people, and part going our own way.
The second part didn't happen. Guy didn't want to look at me, like he was disgusted by me. I looked in a mirror to see if smth.wrong.w my face. No, it was the same pretty face that i had the nite before.
This shouldn't be like this. I didn't have any emotional attachment. I really liked him the way he acted in bed, that's all. I knew we were not meant to hang out much longer as i live 2k miles away.
I wouldn't read anything into his normal behavor, i would just think o;what great time i had. Well, that didn't happen. I am not taking really this personally, just the fact itself makes me sad. Thank you again for answering
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (16 July 2010):
 This sounds more like you wanted to vent your frustration than anything else. The reason for your "in love" feelings is that women bond more quickly with men through sex; it's a survival mechanism. Men always have preferred women with as few sexual partners as possible, so it was evolutionarily advantageous for a woman to want to stay with any man they slept with.
The fact that he lavished all that attention on you either means that he genuinely likes foot-licking and oral sex, and/or that he gets as much pride out of his own performance as he does over the sex itself. It does not mean he cared about you.
It sounds like he is an experienced lady's man. That jealous feeling you had when he was talking to the two older women is normal, and something he was well aware of. Women like a man more when they see other women like him. Guys like that, once they get what they want, see no more reason to be nice. The more women a guy sleeps with in his life, the less he respects any one woman.
The young man who was so nice to you a few years back probably did not have one-nighters very often, so he still had the capactiy to be thankful. You'll run into both types if you hook up in the future.
Personally, I don't have one-night stands, so I don't have to worry about my conduct afterwards. If you want to always be treated nicely, find a long-term boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 July 2010):
Sorry, but this was a one night stand and nothing more. That's why he acted that way. If you're looking for care or real affection, don't have one night stands. They're about sex, and that is it. No care, no love, no affection, no reason to say anything afterwards. Not all guys are like that, as you know. But then that one guy was probably a nice guy. This other guy was only interested in sex. Like I say, if you're looking for more, then you're not going about it the right way.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 July 2010):
 I'm assuming he thought all you wanted was a roll in the hay, maybe he is not equipped for a sober conversation. Some dude just don't like to chat/talk in the morning. Or.. he figured WHY pretend it was more then it was?
I don't know why it bothers you though. You wanted sex, you got great sex... I guess you can't have it all.
I wouldn't take it personal.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 July 2010):
 Well you know the old saying 'If you can't stand the heat...stay out of the kitchen'
When a woman has sex she forms an emotional attachment and will almost always expect a follow up...men don't, they can have sex without any residual emotion. They may get emotional if they are really in love with a woman but if it's a one night stand then most will walk away without looking back.
If you know you cannot stand the pain of the morning after then you need to stop having casual sex with people you dont really know.
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