A
male
age
51-59,
*oe New
writes:A year ago my wife started acting strange, up all hours on the internet, distant, etc. She started getting angry all the time and twice left me and the kids and went and spent the night in a hotel due to "being mad".One afternoon I was at the house while she was out and I found a cellular phone hidden in the bathroom. I turned it on and found a record of calls going back at least 2 months to a number overseas.I went to the computer and started checking around and found 2 email accounts that she had been using. One of the accounts had emails from the phone company regarding the purchase and set up of the phone, the other account had tons of emails between her and a guy in Switzerland that she had met online. The emails started out with her telling him about herself, then moved on to her telling him how I don't have sex with her and how I am neglectful and don't make enough money. In truth, she started refusing sex months before, spent most daylight hours asleep, raged at me and the kids and was up all night with him online (and on the phone as I discovered.) She has never had to work and drives a new car, lives in a nice home and spends thousands on camera equipment (which is the hobby she shared with her internet lover.)The emails quickly were of a sexual nature and many referred to phone sex sessions. He also thanked her for photos he described as "sexy", "hot" and that "he could not wait to see that for real."I confronted her, she broke down and tried to blame depression and medications and her Dad and Mom. She begged me to forgive her and she made all sorts of promises to focus on the family.Now a year later, she has gained weight to the point that she can not comfortably have sex. Any sexual attention unleashes a litany of complaints and turns me off immediately. Her weight has caused her to snore to the point that we can no longer sleep in the same room. A month ago she went to her doctor and cheerfully came home and told me that he put her on birth control, and informed her that, as a result, she will have no libido. She told me that we would not be having sex much, if at all, because the doctor told her that these pills suppress/eliminate sexual desires.When I asked her why she would need pills that would do this, she told me that she had told the doctor that she was having discomfort during sex, and that this was the recommendation of her doctor. That's that, pretty much, she has excused herself from intimacy.Since taking the pills, she has taken to staying up all night, back on the computer. Now she sneaks around with her blackberry and tries to act like nothing is happening.Now, obviously I know what is really going on. I now believe that she has had a series of internet romances dating back who knows how long. I suspect that the nights she left and went to a hotel involved meetings with someone else. I suspect that her desire to end sex (while on birth control, LOL!) is really just cover and I suspect she is cheating physically now. I have spent a year trying to save a marriage and a life for my three kids, and I feel that is a waste of time.What do you all think?
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affair, libido, met online, money, phone sex, the internet, the pill Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 July 2010):
Get all the proof, get full custody of your kids, get away from her.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (30 July 2010):
 She has become addicted to the attention she's getting from online affairs and cheating...it's a foolish and destructive thing to do (like any addiction)and when you confronted her, she paid you lip service and has returned to her addiction.
The only way she is going to realise what she has done is wrong, is to face losing everything she has.
I feel so sad for you, you must feel like absolute shit because of this and it seems you have given her enough chances to put things right...and she hasn't.
I agree with the other Aunts...collect evidence and start building a case, then make a lawyer appointment...It's time for her to get the shock of her life.
A big hug to you.
AE x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): I have first hand experience of this. You have been patient enough. She gets her kicks from what a normal relationship cannot give. You either live with it or get rid of her. Dont ever think theres a chance it could have worked out because, as you dont enjoy being cheated on. The only way it can work is to enjoy knowing what she does. I think you know what to do. No other option. Stop being a fool.
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