A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you cope with being alone? I hate it. I have never been in a relationship, never had a boyfriend, never had sex. Is there some magic formula for dealing with the lonliness and watching everyone else move forward with their lives, marriage, children, love, happiness. The older I get, the more bitter I feel about people who have everything I wished for as a child, yet seem to have missed out on. I just dont know what to do any more.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 Look, I didnt mean to offend u..hence what I typed before u judge me..I was guessing and giving u both angles of my advice..its kinda hard when u dont have all the pieces of the puzzle.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank tennistar.... you just made me feel even more inadequate than I did before. Of course, because I cant get a guy, I must be butt ugly. I am also shy, and therefor unable to have a conversation. Just because girls are not sluts, who throw themselves at every man they see doesnt mean they cannot have a decent, intelligent conversation. If anything that is what I look for in a man. Intelligent conversation. Not the players who think they are gods.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 August 2010):
Hmmm so your that girl, and you most often it happens with guys being the one that fall into the friend zone..I dont mean to be rude, and Im most def not judging or trying to be mean, but do you think it might have something to do with your looks? Or maybe ur picking the wrong guys? Unfortunately we do live in a society where looks matter although I am old enough to know that it is what is on the inside that counts. Now before you judge me, I am not the prettiest girl and often i am my own worst critic. I have a friend whos very metrosexual and he cant get a gf because all the girls think he's gay and he falls into the friend zone with all of them. Now if its because of your looks then u can do minor things to change that, an eyebrow wax can work wonders, maybe going to get a tan, a nice healthy glow, some highlights to brighten ur hair, changing up ur wardrobe a bit, be daring etc..All these things are just a lil beauty maintenance and can make a diff. Now if its ur picking the wrong guys..think about what kinda guy u want to date..and what kinda girl are u. Are u shy? Most guys dont like a shy girl, hard to fish for convo...and I would get new friends, single ones at that. They could teach you some new tricks and tips.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have tried asking them out. I always get a no. Or the like me too much to date me. Im much better as a friend.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 August 2010):
 Why don't YOU ask someone out instead or waiting around for some guy to do it?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers, but I think you have missed the point of my question.
I am gussing from your replies that you have all had at least one partner in your life? If not being in a relationship right now. If you have had this, then you have no idea how lonely it is when you see everyone else around you dating, married and having a lovely time in a relationship. Yes I know they are not the be all and end all of life, but I bet you anything you would rather be as you are now, with bad exs and experience, then never to have felt any kind of personal feelings at all. To have someone love you, even for a brief time - that is what I wish I could experience. And I bet you have all felt that.
"'Being in a relationship or having a partner DOES NOT define who you are'...yeah it's nice when it happens but it is not the only thing in life that matters."
I know that. I know its not the only thing in life. I just dont want to live my life never having experienced it. I dont need a man to define who I am. I never said I did.
I have already tried everything you all suggested. Flirting, chatting, friends, online dating. All without success. Guys like me as a friend, but that is as far as it goes. I am always the last in the queue, the one they ignore when something better comes along. I work all the hours I can to stop being lonely. I hate it. And now all my friends are married. They dont want me hanging about. I am stuck.
I would also like to know how you just "start dating" when no man will look twice at you? How do you do it? How is it every other person manages to get a date.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (3 August 2010):
 I agree with the previous aunt...you need to take some positive action...
Here's something I have said a hundred times on this site:
'Being in a relationship or having a partner DOES NOT define who you are'...yeah it's nice when it happens but it is not the only thing in life that matters.
When the relationship route isn't happeneing you can't just lay down and give up...thats just silly. There is so much more to life than just that.
Being alone gives you the maximum time to work on yourself. Be who you want to be and find ways to make that happen. For some people it's an image thing, for others it's knowledge or travel or throwing themselves into work or creativity. You could be fulfilling yourself by helping others.
If you just sit in a hole with the 'poor me' attitude...believe me nobody is going to notice you or want to be with you.
Having a varied approach to life will give you confidence and help you meet other people...give it a go.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (3 August 2010):
 There is a magic formula... its called "attitude"
Attitude is everything. Are you a glass half full or a glass half empty kind of person? I've said that line so many times its not funny, but it really is the best phrase ever and it can help you so much. I see not one thing in your post that is positive... granted this is a site for people with problems... but still, everything you say is a massive downer. Try reading some self-help books, try updating your wardrobe, try a new haircut, meet some new friends, try dating online, the options are there, its just about getting out of your rut...
So are you going to whinge about the things you don't have that you wish you did or are you going to get angry and take action to get that which you deserve and want so badly?
Don't be the lemon that falls from the tree and just sits there getting more sour. Take action!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): Darling, I feel for you!You need to not cope, but gussy up a bit and go out into the world. You'll find someone--I promise you--that will love you a lot. You can't just wait for all this to happen or mope and grow bitter about it.YOU NEED TO PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE!!!I really hope everything turns out alright. Go out into town. Find a guy. Make him yours. Or make him make you his. Start dating. Get into relationships. They may not last forever, but they'll be a start to what WILL last forever. You'll meet someone that you'll live your life with and have babies with. Believe it or not, you're still young! Life has just begun! Live it! Flirt! Go out and find someone! Make friends! Begin your life. Please!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): You can never miss out on happiness. Go out there and meet new people and dont give up.If you want to be happy and its not coming to you then go find it.Dont feel sorry for yourself and make it happen. The right guy is out there for you hes just taking longer to find his way to you.
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