A
female
age
51-59,
*atfink
writes:I had an awful marriage two years ago to a porn addict who told me nothing but lies. He destroyed my faith in, not only myself, but other men too. Since then I have only had two relationships, both have been short term and both have been a complete disaster.Recently I met a man on a night out with friends. We got on amazingly well. We met up the following week and it was great ... we got on so well and I felt more comfortable with him than I have felt with a man for a long time. We were like teenagers!! We were besotted with each other andI was starting to finally let the barriers down after a man who had hurt me with all his lies.Thing is, he said he had a 'fuck buddy' in his home town but that it was over. He had been due to go back to his home town two weeks after we met and he cancelled it saying he couldn't afford it and he really wasn't all that bothered about seeing people up there. I thought nothing of it. We have since gone on to have a really intense relationship and I fell for him too. I was bothered that this 'fuck buddy' started to leave messages on his facebook calling him babe and leaving lots of kisses. I told him that I was uncomfortable with it and he said he was too especially as our relationship status was displayed on there.Anyway, I told him I didn't like it so he said he would remove her from there and then she had sent a drunken message saying how much she missed him, which made him uncomfortable.. and there all the problems started. He removed her and she sent me an abusive email calling me a control freak and saying that she had been in a relationship (but not a serious one) with him and that he had been due to come and see her in Scotland just weeks after we met and that he had told her he was too busy to see her. Then she sees the relationship status go up and asks me how do I think that felt to her?He explained that he had been due to go up there and, after much prodding, said that he was going to stay at hers (and obviously sleep in the same bed etc). Anyway I stayed in contact with her and asked her if I could see the email he had sent to her explaining why they could no longer be mates.I was gutted. I was told by him, that after her drunken email he had replied to her and said he was in love with me and that he was not happy about her email. What it actually said was that she had done nothing wrong and that he had tried to keep her from showing on FB so that he could remain friends with her and that she could stay in contact with him via messages if she wanted.I was furious!! I don't know if I'm wrong to be so but, since then, I have also found out, that he had been in a six month sexual relationship with her eight years ago and then he dumped her to go back to an ex.I'm curently in touch with her as I'm furious that he has treated her this way. He has not only got involved with her once and dropped her for someone else, but twice. I'm also angry that he lied to me knowing what I went through with my ex. He says he did it so that neither of us would get hurt. He thought I wouldn't want to be with him if I knew he had a little 'fuck buddy' in Scotland that he was due to see two weeks after we met and he thought if he lied to her about being busy it would be easier on her and that if he didn't lie to me about her then I wouldn't be with him.Thing is I think I love him and, while I hate being lied to, I think he may have done it with the best of intentions,
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 August 2010):
 He sounds like Mr Wonderful doesn't he...Lying, playing one against the other, using people as sex buddies, humping and dumping!!!...I wonder if he has any kind of moral code at all???
Of course he told you both that he didn't want to hurt you, but lets be honest...someone had to get hurt because he had three people in a two person zone. The only one who wasn't going to take the fall was him...so he tried to keep her a secret on facebook...what a gent!!!
It's up to you if you want to trade love for being in an untrustworthy relationship. He knows you had a bad time in your past, so where is his compassion? You have a history for falling for bad men...I think he may also be one of them, but maybe with a little more disguise than usual. The truth is coming to the surface, you know he's treating you badly and you know he's treated the other girl badly...people don't change...
Is he going to?...can you take all the stress and lies until you find out for sure?...It's your choice.
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