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female
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anonymous
writes:[Mod Note: OP's own title]Hi, I'm 17 and from the uk. I've known a guy for a year and a half off the Internet. He is older than me (46) and I'm going to meet him soon, he's driving up to where I live and were meeting in a hotel. My friend knows and I'm going to text her with certain stuff so she knows I'm okay. Is this safe enough or should I do more?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): Even if he was your age, I would so no no and more no, but being so much older than you then I think you are putting yourself at serious risk. I think deep down you know that.
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female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (14 August 2010):
 Not only do you not know how many people he's talking to online, you don't know how many people he's planning on bringing with him. This could be a gang-rape set up (it does happen; I have a friend who was victimized this way at 15) or a situation where you end up drugged and kidnapped. You can't text a friend if you're tied up someplace.
Stay home and deal with boys your own age that you meet off-line. You are putting yourself in harm's way if you go through with this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): WOW!!!! No way don't go there. Block him and delete him. Do you hear storis about this? He might be all nice to you over the internet because he's hiding behind the screen and can't hurt you. Like Gamine said, You don't know who you've been talking to AND you do not know how many people (men and women) he's doing this with NOW. Have you seen him on webcame or anything? My friend made a fake account up and did this to my cousin she traveld pretty far away from home and he didn't turn up because he wasnt real. Just don't do it!
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female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (11 August 2010):
 Don't do it. nothing good will come of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): How far is the hotel from a busy area?
Is it in the middle of nowhere, you realise meeting for the first time in a hotel is kinda sordid...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): are you crazy ? if you were my daughter id have you in a class that shows what happens to youg women involved with someone they met on a chat line .then i would find this guy and have him arrested because you are underaged, or either best the crap out of him. myself he cant be much of a man chatting online with underage girls hes what you call a looser. big time at that .
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 He is very definitely expecting to have sex with you. If you don't feel the same way then it could turn unpleasant.
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male
reader, Cloverfield +, writes (11 August 2010):
 If I could possibly post a 40ft tall, flashing, neon NO, then I would. You know that if a friend of yours came to you and asked this you would freak-out....
Please, be smart & safe, if you really want to meet him, & I dont advise it, then do it somewhere public.
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male
reader, Barrybaggs +, writes (11 August 2010):
If you have to go through with this, take someone you know with you. Maybe he is geuine and decent, but the chances that something bad may happen cannot be ignored too.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): i suggest meeting for coffee somewhere very public first - ya know, so your screams of help can actually be heard should he turned out to be a wacko. Obviously can't stop you but be very wary, protective and careful ... don't want you to get hurt xx
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (11 August 2010):
 This is very likely to NOT be safe. Do not go alone. If you have a male friend/brother (of your own or similar age) you can trust keep him informed of your plans. It's possible he's a harmless, pleasant guy, and in that case you wouldn't have lost anything, but the odds are against it. If he's booked a hotel room his expectations are unlikely to be limited to just a meal.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): Uh, in one word, NO
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female
reader, wee_neko +, writes (11 August 2010):
No, its not. If you think for a moment it is, then you should put this question to whatever parent or guardian you have.
Assuming you're meeting him to have sex (Since that's the ONLY reason he/you would request to meet there instead of say the hotel RESTAURANT or a cafe) bring protection. Not just condoms. A can of mace, a whistle and items that can be used for self defense. Hair chopsticks are innocuous items that can be used to defend yourself in a pickle, and if you're having sex in a hotel room, you can place it on the nightstand within easy reach.
Advice time: Find a guy your age, maybe one you know in real life, or can get to know in a lower-pressure environment. Like a cafe or grocery shopping or something.
Good luck.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 August 2010):
 To be honest this is a very odd and potentially fatal situation. You have no idea who this man really is.
What are you hoping for from the meeting. Is it a relationship?...friendship?
Most men will tell you that at 46 they would never ever think about meeting a girl of 17 as the age gap is too vast and to be sexual with such a young woman is borderline paedophilia.
If your going to go, despite what he has told you about how nice he is, that in fact you are walking into a very dangerous situation where you could come to harm. If your prepared to take such a huge risk then at least tell your parents or take a friend with you so you have some protection.
If the man has booked a hotel room, he intends to have sex with you. If he didn't he would have arranged to just meet for a coffee or just a drink.
I know this all seems very exciting and he probably makes you feel like an adult, but the truth is, he knows what he is doing is wrong and he is manipulating you into a situation to get what he wants.
Men can be very charming and some are highly skilled at using the internet to groom, young women for sexual purposes.
You should accept that this may not be what it seems.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): You're going to get hurt. As long as you know that...
Seriously think straight for a minute. This man is old enough to be your dad and then some... and after a year and a half you meet in a motel room... How romantic? Not! How sick!
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male
reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (11 August 2010):
 I would definitely not just do it like that if I were you! Meeting up in a hotel room for your first meet has the smell of sex all over it. Meet in a restaurant or somewhere crowded at least with enough time to change your mind in case you would. If you were my daughter I'd be so disappointed if you would do something like this this recklessly. Sorry to be so blunt but really, it's not smart at all.
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male
reader, arbitro  +, writes (11 August 2010):
I have one word for you...DONT!
Nothing good can come off a relationship with a 46 year old.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): You need to do more! You should have you friend nextdoor or hiding somewhere in the hotel room.
Or better yet do something with lots of people around when you first neet then take it to a hotel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2010): Well, for one I know in the United States this is not legal. (A 17 year old and a 46 year old) I don't know about the UK but I just felt the need to mention that because that kinda struck me as odd.
And I think you should meet in a little more public of a place, possibly with another one or two people there just to make sure this guy isn't a creep.
Meeting him for the first time in a hotel.... ehh, if this was HIS suggestion, to me this sends off a THOUSAND signs of danger.
Please be safe.
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