A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,This will probably be a long letter so forgive me in advance.My fiance and I have been together for 11 years. (with a 6 month breakup some 7-8 years ago) and have 2 children together that I love more than anything.For quite some time though I have been unhappy with our relationship. There are several things that get to me the most. 1 being that she has not had steady paying job for a long time and money has been extremely tight. While she has worked, they have been non-committal jobs such as work @ home jobs or other odds and ends. Between the money invested into it and the money brought in I would say she would have been lucky to barely come out on top. She much would rather be a stay at home mom and not work at all. Which I wouldn't mind IF I made enough to comfortably support the family while being able to set a little aside. AND if the house was kept up. But this isn't the case. Usually 1/2 way between paychecks we have left than $40 in the bank and at least 1/2 of that has to be used for gas. She has a bad habit of sleeping in till 12-1pm every day. Doesn't pick up after the kids until the house is destroyed, and nags at me to do the dishes and other chores even though she obviously hasn't done much at home all day. (I should mention she is going through the interview process for a job currently. But no hours are guaranteed, she would only be needed when the regular employee takes a day off or calls in sick). I hate to say anything to her about it because I feel at least, after 4 years she is finally trying to get a job. Though if she gets no hours than it won't improved our situation at all. Financially I cannot afford any outings with my kids that cost anything such as movies, events, ect as I just can't afford it. I am sure this is where alot of my depression comes from. I also have reached a point where I really want to purchase a home, to have my own land, my own place I have had this strong feeling for 1-2 years now.. but this seems like a completely unattainable goal. I have expressed these feelings, thoughts, ect to her but in my mind they are not fully appreciated or do not get the attention I believe they deserve from her. I want a PARTNER in life, someone that works as hard as I do to provide a life for ourselves and our children. So that when we are 60 we are not renting from someone else.Secondly our sex life is not what I would prefer. While I understand it does become more difficult with children in the house it shouldn't happen only once every 2 - 3 weeks. Her libido has always been much lower than mine. For quite some time I would try to pursue sex with her more often but I became very tired of rejection either because it's too late, she doesn't want to, headache, or some other reason. Its extremely frustrating. Alot of the emotional bond I have with someone is through sexual contact. I crave it and need it. Because of this I find myself not spending as much time as I should with her while at home. Which in turn just turns her off even more.I love her dearly. It's hard not to love the mother of your children and your adult life long partner. But I don't think she can change or I can adapt and accept her as she is. But I am extremely afraid of the unknown and not being around my children every day.The only thing I know is I am not being the best Man I can be to my children or her because of how I feel in my current situation.When is enough actually enough. And is it better to walk away so that in the long run you are a better Father to your kids and ultimately feel a better person yourself.
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female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (26 July 2010):
well it seems as if though she has no consideration for how much your struggling. I to am in the same situaiton, but with no kids my boyfriend is just lazy:( dont let her step all over you it seems as though you are a very hard working man. talk to her give her one more chance maybe she will change.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 You need to show her what you wrote here as I feel it's come straight from your heart. She needs to know the whole picture to give her a boot up the backside. I can understand she wants to be a stay at home mum but that comes with a responsibility to the family and the home. She sounds as if shes being lazy.
I have no idea how old your kids are but I am sure she could get an evening job or something when the kids are at school...women do it the world over.
Walking away now would probably not be the best thing to do, you have kids and they need both of you. Show her this, let her know hoe sad and frustrated you are...if she can't see how much it's bothering you, she needs a short sharp shock.
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