A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Well I was in a one year relationship with a woman who was 17 years older than me. she was tring hard to get in a serious relationship with me but I told her we can't have something because the age gap is big. It was a friend with benefit relationship and she was my best friend. After that year, I moved far away but we kept the relationship, we were talking on the phone and texting for 3 months. Then my friend met a guy who is 11 years younger than her. She broke with me through a text message because of him, I got mad at her, then called her, he pick up the phone, I talk to her briefly, I told her that she wanted to be my friend even if she gets in a serious relationship, she ends the conversation by saying that she has to go. I kept trying to talk to her, she told em through text messages that her bf doesn't want her to talk to ex lovers, and she doesn't want to lose her man. I guess she fell in love with that guy who she just met. She ended it in a real cold way, and she is the one who was showing a lot of emotions toward me and saying that she loved me. I guess she feels guilty of what she has done to me and she can't face me because she wants her new life. Maybe that guy is controlling and insecure. I am just mad because she ended it in an impersonal way through a text message which shows that she doesn't care about me. It's like she is a different person because she was affectionate and caring about me and all the sudden turned to a cold turkey. I dunno if her relationship with the new guy is gonna work out because most older woman/younger guy don't work out and he seems insecure and controlling. She showed that she is heartless and dropped me like a hot potatoe. My questions if she ever comes back and asked to be my friend again (I don't think so because she deleted my contact informations I guess) what should I do? Should I ever talk to her again? Should I be civil toward her? or talking to her will open the old wounds and I just have to ignore her and be cold her.
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female
reader, hopelesslydevotedtowrb +, writes (24 February 2011):
 this is me but I'm the older one and hes the younger one and I am the one chasing and he's being cold
no warning about him not being attracted or anything
had told me 2 days before he split that I was important to him and he needed me to know that
said he just needed time to think things through and he would talk to me later or I should text him
well he unfriended me on fb and then stopped talking to me or texting all communication has been terminated
hurts like hell and I want to just throw myself at him and cry my eyes out and beg him to see me ....
but the mature thing for me to do is leave it alone and hope he come around
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (29 November 2010):
 She turned the table on you, it happens. Time to move on and find somebody new.
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A
female
reader, Bella555 +, writes (28 November 2010):
Hi,
I've had friends morph into strangers the way yours has, and you're right, it hurts like hell. You try to reach them after they turn cold, and no matter what tactic you employ, it's akin to trying to stop a river flowing with your hands. Total frustration. I understand you miss the friendship, and the lack of interaction and familiarity is depressing, but as I said previously, it's time to find someone who appreciates you. No matter how difficult it is, start cultivating new friendships, and hopefully one (or more) of them will develop the same intense and fun rapport you had with the friend you lost.
Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): I was also honest with her, I didn't lead her on. I could promissed her a relationship and I would dump her when I find somebody new if I had a secret agenda. Notice she agreed to be my friend knowing that our relationship won't go anywhere, and she could quit before finding somebody else. I wanted that we break up because I felt she wants a serious relationship but she is the one who was so persistent to keep our friendship going. Plus I kept her friendship when I moved far away when we stopped having sex so I was appreciating her friendship not just treating her like a booty call. You said she doesn't want to hear from me but I am not trying to contact her. I guess you are taking her side.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (27 November 2010):
That is the danger with 'Friends with benefits' arrangements. At any time one or the other person can back out. This woman was straight with you, she told you she wanted more and because you didn't want to give more, she went and found herself somebody new...
ok dumping you by text was perhaps a little insensitive, but you were treating her just like a 'bootycall' so why should she think anything of your feelings when it was time for her to move on. The fact that she has rid herself of your contact info indicates she doesn't want to hear from you again, so you best leave her be and not keep sticking your nose into her new business.
You probably hurt her so I am not surprised she found someone new...she sounds like a smart cookie who knows when to quit.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2010): Well you are totally right she was so nasty and she is not a good friend. During our relationship, She was so nice to me, she used to keep calling me, texting me, giving me advices. Sometimes, when she used to keep pushing to be a gf not just a friend, I used to tell her to leave me alone but she used to stalk me and keep calling and texting me. I kept the relationship because I needed a close friend. The most annoying is that her way of ending it was shocking, unpredictable. It is like she is a different person, she was cold and heartles. that is was bothering me the most.
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A
female
reader, Bella555 +, writes (27 November 2010):
My impression is that she's a bit on the vengeful side, as you refused to take your relationship to the level she wanted. Now she's got the relationship she claimed she wanted with you, and has determined to push your nose in it, as it were. I understand that folks get their feelings hurt and emotions can cloud judgment when communicating, but she's being unduly nasty to you. She did agree to your terms and conditions at some point (you were involved for an entire year), and there's no need to treat you with such great disregard. Do you really want a friend like this? If she returns, act as if you haven't a care in the world. Be polite, even slightly friendly, then excuse yourself for a prior appointment or something else pressing of a vague nature. If you display strong emotions around her, she'll feel she's still got a hold on you, and you'll only be fueling her ego and increasing her contempt for you. Go find someone who appreciates you.
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