A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I recently contacted an old love on fb. We've been corresponding for months but havent seen each other for 24 yrs. We had a brief passionate fling but I ended it as I was already in a relationship..he said I broke his heart. We've both been married and divorced and he has confessed to having a new girlfriend and I am single. We have both aged well and there is a strong physical attraction between us and we have arranged to meet up soon. I feel as if I am falling for him all over again but I'm worried about the new girlfriend of 10 months. Should I be? Surely if he was serious about her he wouldn't want to see me?? Maybe he just wants to have sex with me again..and what happens if I do?? We have been flirting outrageously online..it seems obvious that he will be expecting to have sex as I will be staying with him overnight and to be honest I doubt I'll be able to resist. We both recall how good it was between us!! Please help!!
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (1 December 2010):
 You need to stop getting carried away by the romance and passion of the situation. You may have had a lovely relationship when you were younger, but it ended. That earlier relationship was based on cheating - you had a partner at the time. This time around he is involved with a woman but it is still the same cheating situation. Neither of you have a flawless track record of relationships if there have been marital breakups and relationship failures along the road. It should be a time in your life to reflect what went wrong in the past and avoid those mistakes in your future. I think you just have to be honest with yourself about what you are contemplating doing. If it is just a passionate fling that will go no-where then nothing will stop you meeting him. If you are seeking the big full-on romance, take a step back and ask yourself if you would trust him as a long-term partner. He is dating someone, yet flirting online with an old flame and trying to arrange a meeting. How would you feel if you were his girlfriend? Personally I would be hearing alarm bells in his behaviour because if he flirts with you while dating another lady, how can you be sure he won't do the same again in the future leaving you heart-broken?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): I would take the pressure off a bit and arrange to meet for a lunch so you can catch up in a casual sense and can both leave with dignity intact should you find that after 24 years things have changed. Should the old chemistry still be there you will need to find out the status of his girlfriend before you embark on anything further. I know the tempation here. I was in brief contact with someone I had loved many years ago, I found all the old feelings came flooding back and it unsettled me no end. Contact was suggested but did not come off. As we both have partners it was just as well.Sometimes the past is left in the past. But I feel you will meet so just make sure that you do not end up as his bit on the side if his girlfriend is very much a permanent feature.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (1 December 2010):
 I think it's one of those situations where you don't really know how things will pan out until you meet again. It's not fair to assume that he in't serious about his girlfriend if he is showing interest in you. I don't know any man that would turn down some ego boosting flirtations from a sexy ex, but be wary because there is no guarantee things will go further.
If I was his girlfriend, I'd feel extremely upset that he was flirting with an ex and intended to get together with her again...it's very upsetting and deceitful and doesn't really show him in a good light.
That said, if you don't really care about hurting or interfering with someones relationship and you are bold enough to risk being used for a quickie fling, then go for it. If he goes back to his ex and leaves you standing, then at least you went in with your eyes wide open.
AE x
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