A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I went out with my current girlfriend for about a year, then broke up with her for about three years, then got back together about 9 months ago. I love her, and she says she loves me and wants to get married to me. But, I've been struggling with retroactive jealousy concerning the guys she was with during the three year period we were apart.When we have intercourse, I noticed it doesn't seem like her vagina is as tight as it was when we were together three years ago. I had thought this was probably just in my head, but I asked her about it the other day and she said she thought she wasn't as tight as she had been before because one of the boyfriends she had been with had a huge penis.Unfortunately, this triggered a huge wave of retroactive jealousy. Now I can't get this image of a guy with a huge penis, with her loving it... out of my mind. I'd like to tell myself she didn't actually like it because it was too big, but she says she loved it. I know it was dumb, dumb, dumb to ask the question, and I knew better than to go there, but now I have to deal with the results of my stupidity. It is absolutely driving me crazy right now. Does anyone have any ideas on how to get this out of my mind?Second, I've read on line at numerous websites that it is supposedly not possible to permanantly stretch out a vagina due to intercourse with someone who has a huge penis. But, most of these statements seem to be based solely on the fact that women can give birth and a child's head is much larger than even the largest penis. Thus, according to this line of reasoning, womens' vagina's are able to completely recover from childbirth, and a vagina surely could therefore recover from even the largest penis. But, I would think that a woman's body undergoes changes during childbirth to accomodate birth due to changes in the hormone levels, etc., that would not occur during sex. Thus, I'm not sure if this line of reasoning is correct because the conditions during sex and childbirth could be much different? I have not seen any scientifically controlled measurements of "tightness" (however that could be defined) before and after a woman has sex with a man having a huge penis top see if there's a measurable effect. Do any of the women out there care to comment on this? If you have been with a man who had a huge penis, do you think it had a permanant effect on your vagina? What about intercourse with a very large penis numerous times over a 3-4 month period of time?It would seem to me that some stretching would have to occur in view of the fact that a vagina is not as tight after a woman loses her virginity, and further stretching could be expected if a larger penis was inserted later? But, I have no actual education or knowledge with respect to this topic.
View related questions:
broke up, got back together, jealous, period, vagina Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (5 February 2012):
 Thank you very much for the follow up.. I'm going to save this post and recommend it to other men who are in the situation you were a year ago.
Thank you very much, you've been very helpful.
Congratulations on your marriage, I am so happy that things have worked out for you.
Take care.. good luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2012): OP here, thanks for the responses. I certainly appreciate it when other people take the time to respond with their insights.As you can see, I posted the original question over a year ago. I ended up staying with her, and we actually got married about 6 months ago.One of the problems for me is/was that several of the other men were still in our circle of social contacts, and she was obviously still not 100% over a couple of the guys emotionally.I don't know why, but the fact she'd been with men before she met me didn't bother me very much. But, for some reason, the other "in between" relationships were harder to deal with. But, eventually I just got tired of thinking about her with other men. Almost any woman in my general age range will have had sex with a lot of different men, and will have loved it at lesast some of the time. It's just a fact of life.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): If it were me, I would break up with her. Why should you settle for someone who isn’t perfect for you? These feelings and hurtful thoughts are not likely to go away. The way I see it, as a man, how can you deal with being flat out not being her biggest guy? I don't think anyone or anything can tell you that, you’ll have to decide for yourself.If breaking up isn’t an option for you perhaps some of the following could help (suggestions some other have made too):- Concentrating on being a good lover in other areas.- Concentrating on emotional/social/spiritual connection you have.- Writing down you feelings, ranking them in importance – does this matter in the grand scheme?On the issue of the tightness, it is my opinion that it is maybe you are recognising the initial looseness as relaxation/ease/arousal on her part and now combined the new knowledge of her past. You asked about it, so maybe even before you had sex again you were wondering if she had been with a bigger guy and assumed...? I think stretching is unlikely without damage to her. However this isn’t backed up by any science, I doubt it has been conducted. Finally, IMO this DOES NOT show any of the signs of Othello Syndrome so don’t worry about that. All the best, good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): So, his penis must have been bigger than a full term baby?
Not trying to be sarcastic or pain inducing, but there has to be another reason unless his penis was larger than that.
Being highly aroused can make a vagina feel "looser" as well. But penis size, not likely to do this or my wife whose had several kids wouldn't be able to feel me (and I'm not hung like a horse...let me tell you) and I'd not be able to feel her either.
...............................
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (19 November 2010):
Maybe her vagina seems less tight now because she is more relaxed with you. That seems more likely than it being loose due to her having sex previously with someone with a huge penis.
I feel your massive insecurity and whilst you aren't going to wake up tomorrow with a dick twice the size and width, you can work at becoming a better lover and satisfy her better than any other man has. I'm sure if you can learn to give her amazing orgasms whilst at the same time being there for her emotionally - basically being the best boyfriend ever - you will feel a sense of achievement and those nasty insecure thoughts stand a chance of fading away.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (19 November 2010):
 You're suffering because you're making yourself suffer over someting extremely irrational and nonsensical. I am not sure what you want the aunts here to tell you. Maybe you just want to hear that it's completely normal and it will all go away in time. I hate to be unsympathetic, but really your making a big deal out of nothing. If you can't handle your girlfriends past, then end the relationship and find yourself a virgin. If you can't end the relationship then you have no choice but to forget everything that went before.
As a footnote, size is something that only men think about. The majority of women don't really care about penis size as it's not the size but how a guy makes love that's important. Having a huge penis is not something most women find attractive about a man, mainly because it can be uncomfortable, painful and hard to reach orgasm.
You arn't a kid (by your stated age range) so you are either completely obsessed by this subject (which is just weird) or you are extremely naive. Like I said before, you need to get over it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think my original post was edited by the mod somewhat. Unfortunately, I cannot fully explain what is bothering me without some graphic language.My GF and I were discussing pornos a few days ago, and she made the comment that the women would have loose vaginas as a result of having sex with so many men with large penises. I made the mistake of asking if she thought that was what had happened to her, and she said yes. I then blurted out "So Bob's huge cock ripped open your p**y?" and she said "yes". (his name was not actually Bob, of course)I know it was stupid to ask this, but I am now tortured by this image of her with her ex. She had told me before that she loved this guy, and she loved having sex with him. I've always struggled with jealousy issues to some extent, but there's something about the graphic nature of this that is off the charts. I guess there are plenty of guys out there who would not be bothered by this, but I am obviously not one of them.Please, please, please don't assail me for being stupid, insecure, etc., I know I'm far from perfect, and I am struggling to change. I'm just a human being who is suffering.
...............................
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (18 November 2010):
 If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question. Vaginas are made to stretch, that's why us women get the lovely opportunity to have children.
Vaginas do stretch over time, but kegels help with the tightening back up of the vagina after it has been stretched out.
Didn't you have girlfriends while you two were apart for three years?
Did you expect her to sit and pine for you for three years and not have any relationships?
If you really and truly love your girlfriend, this shouldn't matter as it's in the past. I know it's really difficult to picture the one you love loving someone else, but there is a reason she isn't with the big penis guy and you two got back together.
Kegels.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 November 2010):
First of all...don't get down on yourself and think you're stupid for asking her (I don't think you should have asked her but sometimes curiosity gets the better of us). In my opinion, it was stupid of her to tell you that her previous partner was huge and that she loved it? What the hell? I know I wouldn't say that and any woman that does to her current boyfriend is pretty stupid herself.
As far as having a loose vagina...honestly, I don't think having sex with someone with a large penis will make her loose permanently, but maybe temporarily. Granted, I think when a woman has sex often, it may not appear as tight. However, not having sex for a while, it'll tighten back up.
Also, this isn't very common but it does occur; and of course I'm not a professional in any way, but if you're getting really jealous and obsessing about this, check out Othello Syndrome. It may be way off considering we don't know all the details about your relationship or everything you may be thinking of, but just in case it helps you out at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (18 November 2010):
All women are different and depending on skin type and multiple other factors, their vaginas may stretch or not stretch. Mainly this happens in child birth, but can happen during sex with a partner who is much bigger.
That aside, you seem obsessed with this issue and if you love your girlfriend, it wouldn't matter because almost everyone has past sexual partners and for relationships to work, people have to put the past in the past.
I was slightly disturbed that you were looking for scientific measurments of tightness, this really is bordering on the obsessive and unnatural so you may benefit from some kind of counselling or cognitive therapy.
I feel quite sorry for your girlfriend, how is she ever going to put her past behind her and feel loved and secure with you, when all you can think about is how tight her vagina is...really!!! get over yourself!!!
...............................
|
