A
female
age
,
*ross Gardener
writes:I am 60 and retired, and have been seeing a 63 yr. old retired man for about 3 months. I feel like the only time he is available is when it fits his schedule. He has several (daily) family routines (such as cooking them dinner, nightly, baby sitting his grandson daily, and regularly scheduled Sun. family dinner). We see each other around this schedule. I guess I'm wondering whether I fit into this routine. So far I have been invited to spend time with him and his grandson, but have not been invited to meet any other family members (kids) that he interacts with on a regular basis.During the week we can only see each other from like 7 (after he fixes their dinner) to about 9:30 when he needs to head home. Guess I'm not feeling valued, or that maybe I'm not a priority. He has been widowed for about 3 - 4 yrs. after being married 41 yrs. I realize this is probably part of his motives. Not sure, he'll ever be more available. Or is it early, and I'm expecting too much, too early. Thanks for your input. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 I agree with the previous poster, he does seem set in his ways and it's a natural thing as we get older. Routine becomes a way of coping with life (and we all know how tough life can be)
I understand you feel a little neglected but if you really like him and you get on well, maybe the companionship and stolen moments of time together could be enough. If they arn't enough then you need to talk to him and maybe plan something romantic to court him. If he doesn't respond then maybe he isn't the man for you.
I really sympathise. I am in my 40's and some of the men I have dated are already firmly entrenched in their life routine and it kind of deflates the whole dating experience...maybe it's just a 'guy survival' thing! The trouble is, if you do meet a guy who sweeps you off your feet and is highly attentive, usually he turns out to be a cad!
Right now I'd take the companionship and see where things go.
Best of luck to you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): he's a dedicated family man. Reliable, generous to his family. Some men do not have a clue that some things may have to change if he takes on a new wife. He is a little set in his ways for a man his age, he sounds so much older. You may have your work cut out for you, if he just sees you as a replication of his deceased wife. Take it slowly, for in some way he may even be over his grief. I think you will lose him if you make a hard stand, for he sounds like he enjoys being very needed and available for his family. If you wants lots of one on one exclusive attention and little time with his family then he may not be the man for you. He may also be attempting to maintain all the family routines he and his wife established. And he may have forgotten how to woo a woman. I recall hearing of one elderly man who pointed to all his deceased wife's good quality clothing, and suggested his new wife choose from that clothing if she needed some 'new' clothing.
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