A
female
age
51-59,
*igscreenstar
writes:OK here it is..I am a 35 year old woman. I met a guy who was introduced through a great friend.. this man told me for more than a year he was divorced and that he lived alone in a house with his daughter and his dog.after a year of talking we had one intimate encounter I became pregnant. I was so distraught I didnt know what to do. So after a couple of months of sadness and depression I started to pray more nad seek the word of God int he bible and bible study, I had the courage to move forward and I started being a little more normal again. However, after a conversation witht his personand asking for his home address he wouldnt give it to me for the insurance, I did some homework.. Come to find out he is married to a prominent atty who is the breadwinner in the family. This man lives with his family and is NOT divorced. I was so devastated, I had anxiety attacks and nightmares about confronting him and this went on for weeks. So I finally went against my friends advice and did what I needed to do.. I contacted him and as the coward he is, he would not talk to me directly, so I emailed him the information I had discovered like his wifes name, work address, email, phone number and his home address, cars he owns, and a picture of his house.He then went into telling the most unbelievable lies abouthow his daughters grandmother passed away in front of him and how she begged him with her last breath to get hisfamily back together whil eon her death bed. Well as heart wrenching as that may be, THE TRUTH is she died alone at home froma heart attack. This man is a horrible liar and doesnt stop lying. So he started to send money every month as I told him he would, although his wife pays all the bills etc. So when money got tight he tried to act like he didnt have any and I told him whatever he needed to do, Thats money better show up or thats his ass.. So when he ried to tell me he was broke in october, and wanted to tell me a bunch of lies, which I already know the truth, I called his wife. However amazingly he intercepted the call from her office and then said oh yeah I have the money now. So I didnt bother to tell her that month. But when I asked him months earlier if he was going to be present when thebaby is born he told me.. he would "TRY". I hit the roof, because "TRY" is some BS. this is a child and she deserves to be treated and welcomed properly.Especially when I had no intention of having children with this man, and he admitted he knew what he was doing.. in regard to getting me pregnant.Either way, I havent asked him again if he is coming for her birth, I asked how he was planning on signing the birth certificate and he said to me, after he gets a dna test he will sign it.I was so infuriated, because I didnt want to be apart of his junk and involved with some other womans husband..People may feel how they want to but I would have never have been involved with him in any personal capacity.My question is: How should I go about telling his wife. I will make sure that he is exposed, because this man tells so many lies that he is dangerous.. his wife has no idea all that he is doing and that he is spending her money on other women and doing foolishness.I have her office number and her office email address. tha baby is due in less than 30 days. And I want to make sure that she KNOWS all that has transpired. Because this man is dispicable. Help...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): Now all I can say is this: next time u choose to have sex do your OWN homework whether he is married or not. And choose to use protection.
All your hatred will get u no where. Yes u are a victim but know that u do not have to remain one.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): hatred? Oh please spare me. He made his bed and he has to lie in it. His wife asked told me she always wondered how many kids he really has... So what are u talking about?Bottom line is HE chose to lie and his wife knows how he is and she makes her own decisions if she is staying or leaving.Just like I did when I found out the truth. What's the point in living in deception??? He could bring her aids or any other manner of drama.. Liars are not to be trusted.So if I hate anything, I hate what HIS lies have done to every person involved.I'm far from hateful. But if that is ur opinion.. Then that is ur right to have one.Truth is anyone can forgive someone if we make a mistake. BUT no one will tolerate a liar. Lies are meant to deceive and do harm. And THAT my love, is what I hate.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): You are a very bitter woman. Your hatred and bitterness is consuming you to the extent that u may become unbalanced.
So now u have rated this married man out to his wife. She is leaving him. She also revealed that he may have fathered other kids as well.
If this man is so despicable ( and I do not doubt that he isn't) why do u want your baby anywhere near him.
Surely she will be safe and happy without him. Just let him pay financially.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): Lol! WHY would she need to be apart of his family??? Are you serious?? That's his child! She IS family!
Well I called his wife. We had a productive conversation. And she was very nice and asked me a lot questions. She said she always wondered how many kids he REALLY had.
She gave me her cell number and gave me hers. She is a level headed person and said her problem isn't with me. As I had assured her I felt the same.
At the end of the call she thanked me for making her aware of what was going on and we hung up.
So for all of the extra negative people who think that every person is nasty and vindictive. Let this be an example.
Just a bad situation. However it doesn't need to stay that way.
She was angry that he had been sending me money every month out of her acct. But that wasn't directed towards me.
I'm thankful that God made this the right time for all of this to be revealed.
She did say he had been acting weird and she will not be staying with him. As I also shared I do not have any interest in a relationship with him outside of a parental one.
So.. PRAISE GOD, things are well with me and my child.
And P.S. Anyone who resents a child is an idiot anyway. GROW UP spiritually!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): then you got what you wanted: for this married man to pay for his lies and deeds.
i do not blame you for being so hard.
"This child has a siblings and she will have to be a partof his family at some point in life, so I wont be helping him conceal a thing....."
why do u want your daughter to be part of his familys life. just get the child support and you love her. Is this not enough? why is this not enough? why do u want to force her onto his family? this man and his family will resent your baby and no amount of revenge is worth your babys pain.
i agree that this man must pay but why must his wife. remember she is just as innocent as you were. you both are pawns in this mans life.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, bigscreenstar +, writes (30 November 2010):
bigscreenstar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have no issue in telling his wife andI totally plan to do that. That is not negotiable. this is a person who swore all the way around he was relocating to mmy city, where his other two children live and that he wanted to be in a monogamous relationship. although I wasnt sure if that is whatI wanted. So the pregnancy came as a shock to me since he later admitted that he "KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING" in regard to tampering with the contraceptive..
So as far as Im concerned I went into this honest and forthright and HE chose to be a liar. I cant change that, but I am also not going to allow him to walk around thinking he can dow whatever the hell he wants. I have signed him up for child support and his wife will know everything when she sees the paperwork from the government agency.
It is a sad shame that when people are honest they have to deal with others who think they can get what they want and walk away as if "I" am a homewrecker etc. Because that is the furthest thing from the truth. If I knew he was married Iwould had no a thing to do with him.
I am not interested in any womans husband or boyfriend and he knew that.. but he lied for more than a year we live 9 hours apart( car) or 2 hours plane ride. I didnt feel like I needed to be at his house and all in his space. I have a very nice career that is taking off.. and I have been blessed evern more with this beautiful baby. Too bad her father is a lying sack of roaches!
So the TRUTH is out. I had to find it out, he still wouldnt be honest even when I confronted him in a very calm and straight up way. He still chooses to lie about things I KNOW he is lying about..LOL. the joke is on him..
So the bottom line is.. Im happy my little baby will be taken care of and the TRUTH is something I AM NOT afraid of.. HE is and I willnot hold any lies or secrets for him. This child has a siblings and she will have to be a partof his family at some point in life, so I wont be helping him conceal a thing..Babys are a gift from God and Im thankful for her..
I was unhappy and very depressed but in 9 months The love of Christ has shown me in many areas of my life that a blessing can still be derived from a horrible circumstance.. So thats my position.
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A
female
reader, bigscreenstar +, writes (22 November 2010):
bigscreenstar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI love my daughter and I WILL not mistreat her in anyway.. but he will be exposed.
I will not allow him to walk around lying to everyone else.
He thought I would want to be with him after i found out I was pregnant.. but he is a coward.. and I will not be his sugar momma.. im going to let his wife keep paying to maintain his foolishness. thats his choice..
BUT I will NOT allow him to walk around unexposed.. he had his turn.. and now it is mine..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Yes half of the responsibility is yours , but u were hoodwinked into an emotional affair and then a 'one night stand'
I know u are pissed and rightly so.
Your hatred for this man will spill over in to the kids life. Will u also detest the kid as well.
U are out for blood and I do not blame u. So against my better judgement : yes spill the beans and hell halt no fury than u.
Realistically his wife should know that her hubby is making babies outside the home. Also, he is going to be an absent father, right? So let him be a paying absent father. Maintenance!
Oh what a messed up story.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): May i Suggest to contact his wife & tell her everything, show proof & evidences...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): I cannot believe some of the replies on this posting - From: "what a terrible thing this man has done " " His wife does deserve to know " It's not fair how he is treating you" ALL female replies, built around an ' emotional response' NOT any around the logic of this situation and FACT, this woman was ' talking ' to a man, NOT dating on a regular basis, that NO physical act had taken place for 12 months of their contact, and the female agrees to sex with him, without taking any precautions so it seems, no condoms. In addition to a GREAT friend introducing them, but the great friend had NO idea he was married. Nor did the female in question take any PRIOR interest in dating this man, NOR asking to go to his home so she could see for herself how he lived.She had casual SEX, a one off, both adults consenting to this - she was not lead on by him dating her, her falling in love, building a future together, it is what it is - A ONE OFF casual encounter without protection, where she is now acting in a threatening manner and blackmailing him.She needs to LOOK at why she was wiling to have sex so casually and without protection with a man she was not dating or in a relationship with, yes we ALL know he is a cheat, but that does not excuse her to act in such a way that HE is the one to blame for all this. She has to take responsibility here for herself - She's just annoyed because she's ended up pregnant, and wants to punish everyone around her.And I'm female, but I'm looking at this objectively not through the eyes of the typical overly emotional female, who usually end up taking the side of their own sex, like it's some exclusive club. If she has any integrity she would stop bleating, let it be a lesson for the future, and DO everything she can for her baby, and forget about wasting emotional and physical energy on revenge, as believe she will need ALL the emotional and physical energy to be a good mother!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Collecting information on his wife and threatening to go to her when the money stopped. Hmm im not sure about that. If it were a case of a woman scorned and wanting to put the record straight, surely you would have done that in the first instant.Think very carefully before messing with his wife and venting your wrath by telling her what you think of him. If hes a liar, she believes his story AND shes a very good lawyer. You might find the couple close ranks and its you not him, looking at the business end of the stick. Whats happened is unfortunate. But at the end of the day you were two adults having sex and not using proper protection...if any. And you werent even in a relationship if you were only 'talking' to each other. You say hes admitted he knew what he was doing when he got you pregnant. So how could you not also have known what you were doing when you got pregnant? Im amazed that your great friend didnt think to warn you that he was married when they introduced you to him. And you spent a whole year talking to him without one clue. But whats done is done. This man is clearly not interested in a relationship with you. So if i were you, id stop all contact with him now and seek a lawyer of your own. Make a claim for child support throught the normal channels.If you keep a dignified silence and leave his wife to make up her own mind about his conduct. Im sure she will be his harshest critic. Try to forget about him because hes not worth the bother of. Just concentrate on your baby.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 What this man had done to you is a terrible thing. He has lied to you, used you for sex and now he has had his way, he has dumped on you. You are pregnant with his child and although you have recieved some monetary support from him, it is likely to dry up because you have nothing legal in place.
You have to accept half the responsibility for getting preganant. There were ways you could have prevented this...using condoms, protecting yourself with the contraceptive pill or more simply by NOT having sex with this man. The lies pulled you in, but you still held the responsibility to protect yourself...and you didn't do that.
So the situation is not a good one. You are pregnant by a married man who lied to you. You are not the first this has happened to and you will sadly not be the last.
It seems you have done a fair amount of snooping or stalking to get information on this mans wife because you could not get any positive response from him. This is anger and revenge surfacing in you and I can understand why you would want to do that...but lady you need to play smart. DO NOT CONTACT HIS WIFE, believe me she will see you as the enemy and she will support her husband. It is NOT your business to tell her whats going on, as aunt honesty said, she probably already knows and it's her choice if she chooses to stand by him.
This man will not come back to you, you can take as much revenge and anger out on him as you like but it won't make a difference to him.
I think you should get a DNA test and then you should get a lawyer who will get you appropriate monetary support from this man for your child. That is your right...it's the law. This man never intended to have a child with you, he is married and for whatever reason he had casual sex with you, it happens a million times a day to lots of people who arn't thinking straight. The fact he lied to you changes nothing, you are still pregnant, he is still married and he doesn't want to know you. Revenge can get out of hand, it could even land you in jail.
Be smart, get the DNA and then get the money you are entitled to...that way you can raise your child and move on with your life, knowing you did the best you could in a very distressing and difficult situation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Initially reading this, I felt concerned for you, but as I read further and further into your posting I discover, you are BLACKMAILING someone, which is intolerable and not acceptable under any circumstances.
You were introduced by a great friend, a great friend who does NOT know this man well enough to know he is married???
You apparently see/date him for 12 months and NEVER go to his home or meet his friends and family, then you have ONE off sexual experience with him.
You become pregnant so it seems, WHY? Didn't you use any protection, condoms, the pill? Which is irrelevant now, as you are having this baby.
However, that does not give you the right to blackmail this man into money - lots of females become pregnant by mistake, or even by a married a man, but they get on with it - it's life, it happens, IF sometimes we don't take the right measures to prevent either becoming pregnant OR finding out a lot about someone ( as in GO to their home, meet friends etc before getting into bed with them)
As this for insisting he's there at the birth, signing the birth certificate and demanding money, is beyond all comprehension. You sound very, very disturbed, and what you should be doing is concentrating on this baby you are going to have, that is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, your No.1 PRIORITY, NOT your obsession with trying PROVE to his wife how dishonest he is or was, that is NOT your responsibility.
There hasn't been ONE part of your question, that demonstrated any warmth, and love for this man at ANY TIME of the 12 months you were seeing him, you just concentrate on MONEY and demands. So this wasn't some love of your life, where you've been duped and fallen pregnant and you want to set up home with him - then at least, there would be some human feeling, but no, it's all about YOU and gaining money, and what was it you said " So when money got tight he tried to act like he didnt have any and I told him whatever he needed to do, Thats money better show up or thats his ass.."
Please just concentrate on this baby of yours, and please don't allow your bitterness to affect you bonding with baby, it is innocent!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Are you sure it is a good idea telling his wife? Because hunny at the end of the day, she aint going to be happy with you or thank you for telling her infact if he is a serial cheat she might already have an idea about this but just doesnt want to believe you and you will be the one that comes out the worst, you wont feel any better about yourself if you tell her and she calls you a liar and every name under the sun. You just need to think about that.
However its not fair the way he is treating her also its not fair what he done to you, i totally understand that, just make sure that you are positive that you really want to tell her, and be prepared that it might not be all that pretty. Calling her at work would probably be a bad idea, as nobody wants to hear something like that when they are at work, is there anyway that you can get there home address? or if you have her name and business address then it might be better going down there and doing it face to face, she will see the bump so she will at least know you are not lying about being pregnant, also be sure to tell her everything he has told you, the lies and start with teling her that he said to you he was divorced and you took his word on it. I honestly think doing this face to face with her will help. Goodluck in the future.
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A
female
reader, Outspoken1016 +, writes (22 November 2010):
 First of all you have to have all your ducks in a row. Coming from a married woman I am telling at you first I would not believe you. If this man lies as much as you say I am sure he will have a way of twisting this situation to make you out to be the crazy woman. So I would say one pray first if you listen God he will show you how to proceed. Ask for guidance and for God to soften his wife’s heart and to know the words you speak are truth.
You will need a time line of when you met, when you had sex, times you have received money from him and how much, conversations with dates and times. The more information you have or even pictures the better chance you have she will believe you. She will not be nice or happy to hear this information be prepared for her to snap at first.
On a personal note this man will never be the “father figure” you have in your mind. You will raise this child alone and I doubt he will ever meet your child. I am sorry if that hurts however if you start to see that now it will cause less pain in the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Oh I believe the wife does deserve to know. Some people may say keep out of it BUT you are having her husband baby, she has a right to know what type of man she is married too. Tell her as I am sure you would want to know if it happened too you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Personally I would wait until you have the DNA evidence and confront his wife about it all then - with her husband. Otherwise she is likely to believe any lie her husband tells her. I would not have a man who has treated me that way at the birth of my (our) child - you are better off involving a close friend or family member for support. Part of me believes that you are better off walking away but on the other hand your child has a step sister.
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