A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My partner has been living with me full time for a year now and he pays me £400 a month for his keep. My living expenses probably amount to about £1,500 a month and I am now feeling that he is getting an easy ride with what he gives me. Apart from getting his washing and ironing done by a lady every week who I pay for as I work full time and dont have time to do everything, he also has the use of my car which he contributes nothing towards repairs, insurance etc, and very rarely petrol. He won't take me out unless I prompt him to book something, even though I do book things which I pay for. I also pay my own share of holidays. When we go shopping he makes sure the trolley is full of the things he likes including his toiliteries even though I get mine in the chemist. Although I did put my foot down when he was loading it up with wine and beer and told him he had to pay for alcohol if he wanted so much.My friend has suggested that we should have a joint account for all household expenses and for trips out etc so that he pays his fair share. As I have to ask him for his £400 every month I am not sure that he will go for this but I am feeling that it would be nice for me to have some more money left each month intead of me subsidising him any more.Your advice would be appreciated and should I expect him to pay half of what I am paying out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2013): 1. Don't "test drive" a real marriage/ don't live with a "boyfriend"/have the guts to get married. Go all the way with a relationship.
2. Get a ring with an engagement date.
3. On that date get married.
4. If he backs out of that-dump him on the spot & know you made the right decision no matter how many tears.
5. You will cry years of joy when you meet the right & decent guy to enhance your life VS play you for a silly fool.
6. Life is over before we know it, there isn't time to waste on bozos.
A
female
reader, KittenPaws +, writes (9 November 2010):
Ouch- that makes it all rather painful in light of how much your partner is earning!
I think you're right- show him the books and make it clear that (within reason) you need to split everything 50:50. Are you also on a similar wage to him yourself?
I'll be honest though... it seems very unlikely that this man does not know that he's taking advantage of you. Considering that he's stacking up so many pennies in his own account suggest that he has absolutely no excuse not to contribute, and this has been going on long enough that he should be completely aware of what he's doing.
Explain to him that you need his fair contribution... but STILL look seriously at where this relationship is going. Do you really want to waste your affection on a man that is taking advantage of you to this extent? -And won't even take you out to dinner with the profits that he's making at your expense!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your helpful advice. Just to let you know my partner puts about £3,500-£4,000 every month into his account and that is why I am feeling a bit unhappy about his contribution of £400.
I think what I might do is actually show him what I spend out for the household, car, etc every month and then ask him for more and if he won't cough up I think I will have to look seriously at where the relationship is going.
Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (6 November 2010):
 How much does he earn? Is their a reason as to why he can't take his clothes to the laundromat, and come to iron them himself? I'd buy him an ironing board and teach him how to use it.
I'd tell him he can borrow your car as long as he replaces the gas that he already has burned...If he abuses his privileges then don't loan out your car. What's wrong with walking, riding a bike, and taking the tube to go to work or run errands? You could do the shared account for all other expenses but I would monitor how much is going in to make sure it's fair. If he's late on the rent again, I would treat him like a tenant and tack on late fees after so many days..then give him a mock eviction notice when he hasn't paid you a dime.
Even though he may not earn much, it's still fair to contribute what you can and look for a second job in order to fund his lifestyle. Or else he needs to learn how to live within his means..and this means you cutting off the extra cash flow.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (6 November 2010):
Money is definitely a hot spot for couples. You definitely should not have to feel as though you are carrying the finances. And you should not have to hound him for his contribution. I'll tell you what me and my partner did when we started arguing about money. We simply made everything ours. Shared bank account, and we just considered anything that was one of ours, was both of ours. And things have been great ever since. But the one problem with that is whether or not you think things will work out between the two of you. If it won't work out, then making a shared account will make things more difficult to disentangle later. From what you're saying, it's hard to tell whether he's stingy and selfish or more careful with finances because he doesn't have much. And it's hard to tell how serious you 2 are about each other, and whether this is perhaps going to go the distance. So I would advise thinking about the merging accounts, but evaluate the relationship and the possible consequences first.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 November 2010):
 With the exclusion of the mortgage, he should be paying half for everything else, that's fair. If he can't afford it, then, like any tenancy he has to move out. I think the joint account for food, utilities and social life is a brilliant idea. If he just borrows the car on the odd occasion then that's probably reasonable but if he's using it like he owns it then it's not on.
If he scoffs at the idea of paying his share then you need to tell him that you can no longer 'afford' him and cut him out of your budget!!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 November 2010):
 why cant he do his own washing and ironing?
is there a reason he cannot use public transport instead of your car?
If you have to chase him up to pay the 400 what guarantees will be put in place to ensure he pays his contribution into the shared account and doesnt simply just pay his costs out of it?
I have a suggestion, have a shared account,, set it up so that money from your personal accounts is transferred automatically and you both put an equal amount in, and both take an equal amount out each week, or fortnight.
I think you might find he isnt so interested in a shared account if that were to be the case.
He does have an easy ride, and I think its time you weighed up if having him in your life is worth what it is costing you in cold hard cash.
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A
female
reader, ILoveCupid +, writes (6 November 2010):
 What you expect is absolutely fair.
To be honest, if he's a real man, he would pay a bigger share, if not all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): How much does your partner earn? Can he afford to give you more than £400 a month? If i'm honest £400 a month is quite a lot of money if he's not earning a lot. If you don't think it's fair that he's using your car etc... and not paying anything towards it then it's pretty simple: don't let him use your car. At your age you should be able to talk to him about things like this.
If you want things to change with regards to him taking you out then sit down and talk to him about it after all he's not a mind reader.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2010): i would not care if he rode like the biggest stud on the block, this gigilo would have been shown the door long ago. 400 a month? What a joke. He is getting free rent, free utilities, use of your care, and his food, washing, ironing etc plus additional benefits. He is on such a good wicket that you would have to change the locks on all the doors and windows and maybe call the police for additional backup. Throw him out and never look back. Within a week he will have found a new 'sugar' to sweeten his life.
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