A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Myself and wife and her 13 year old daughter from a previous marriage were watching a high school football game last night sounds good right? Well my step daughter who was getting bored with the game and wanted to walk around so my wife said ok to her but she must be able to she her. Well anyhow as she got up and down from our seats several times and had to make several people move out of the way and miss there view. Well my step daughter tells my wife this lady cursed her and told her to wait a minute. My wife got pissed and confronted this lady and they all gave her a hard time getting back to our seats. Previously, I was getting annoyed with my step daughter for her constant moving in and out of the small and very dated bleachers. I wasn't surprised other paying people got upset when she was making them move etc.. I told my stepdaughter on the way home that her actions effect other people and we don't live in a perfect world. My wife feels her daughter was picked on and doesn't see her daughter's part of the problem. She say's she didn't do anything wrong but get up and down. I say true. However she was annoying... Well my wife feels I will never protect her or her kids now.. What a bunch of crap..She was/is wrong. any advice..... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 I am sorry I have to disagree with C. Grant because I always find myself concurring with what he says, but not this time.
Etiquette and gracious behaviour are a two way street, and tolerance must be mutual. There is no law that says that when you are attending a show or a game you must be nailed to your seat,- you are supposed to say " Pardon me " and " Thank you " any time you move, and that should be enough. Of course it may be that the girl, a fidgety 13 y.o., may have exceeded a bit in the number of back- and- forth, and this is not good. But- do the people at the game get to decide how many times is enough ? What if she was having bladder problems ? or a case of the runs ?
Two wrongs don't make a right anyway, and the other lady had no right to curse your wife and give her a hard time. That's as rude as the girl moving around, or worse.
I think that the OP did not want to make a big fuss about it and maybe pick a fight AT the game, so perhaps he is excusable for not having intervened- but , after , giving all the blame of the eepisode to his wife and stepdaughter ....yeah, I can see why she is mad.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 I agree with cerberus. You love your wife...right? If someone abused your wife would you accept that?, nope you probably wouldn't so the same goes for her kid. In fact you probably missed a great opportunity there to show some loving solidarity for your family by standing up to outsiders attacking them.
It doesn't matter if your daughter was jumping up and down, she's a kid, kids do selfish stupid stuff because they are still growing and learning about the world and all it's social ettiquet. What if she had gotten up to use the bathroom and someone abused her...would you have stood up for her then?
Underneath this all I feel you have some resentment for the kid and that's so sad. It's not easy raising someone elses child but there are certain experiences and scenarios when you can really step up to the plate to concrete your bond as a 'dad'...and this was one of them.
You may think your right by scolding her 'bad' behaviour but really all you did was reinforce the fact that you don't love or feel anything for the kid and that your not prepared to be on her side when something goes wrong.
I can see why your wife is worried.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 There really is no right or wrong here and you are much too presumptuous in this. Your wife is not wrong but neither are you. Your wife is the mother of a 13 year old girl and obviously she is going to defend her child no matter what. You as her husband and the father of her child, have a right and obligation to see that it was wrong indeed for OTHERS to curse the child which would obviously provoke a somewhat negative and defensive response from her mother. Your wife is obviously bothered that you would defend someone who cursed your child for nothing more than being childish. So I suggest you avoid angered statements such as "what a bunch of crap..She was/is wrong".
You have to defend your wife and her child. Yes it would be annoying for your step-daughter to keep moving around but it was undoubtedly wrong for people to curse at her and it was even worse for you to take their side. Do you not see how your wife feels? She was the only one defending her daughter and you, her own husband turned against her. She must have felt alone and vulnerable at the time. Ask for her forgiveness and next time, deal with it in a more educated way.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (7 November 2010):
 You've walked right in to the middle of the difficulty with blended families. Your wife has a different idea about child-rearing than you do. Personally I'm on your side as you've described the situation. I don't know what discussions you had before you got married about your role in raising the daughter; whatever it was, it's clear that you didn't end on the same page. This isn't about protecting her and the kids, it's about how you and she perceive acceptable behaviour. You're going to have to tell your wife that "protecting" them isn't the same as "my wife, right or wrong."
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