A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyoneI would really appreciate some assistance with a problem. I also would like serious help here - it might not seem like a big deal to you, but to me its been on my mind.Right, here we go ;) I have this gay best friend and we care about each other dearly. The only tiny problem is that i find myself attracted to him and the other day i had the thought that it would really be terrible not to get to kiss him, lol. I just can't imagine going thru life without getting to kiss this guy. But i've been having weird dreams lately that i think relate to this. In the dreams, it's the day of a party and i'm rushing to get things done but i'm never happy with waht i do. For instance, i am disatisfied with the dress im wearing, etc. I don't know if this relates to my kissing issue because i am conflicted over how to go about asking for a kiss (asking?!!? Is that sooo lame?! - how do men do this? Oh the torture!) or not saying anything and living with not getting to kiss him. I'm stuck between a 'can' and a 'cant' and i don't know which one to choose. One the one hand i want to playfully suggest a kiss, but what about the consequences: what if he rejects me (how embarrassing and upsetting it will be); or what if we kiss and things become different? I am hoping they won't. I'm adult about kisses - they're definitely not contracts. I know this should be a playful fun thing but as you can see i've been overthinking it. Lol. What should i do? I need some assistance from people who have heard all sides of the issue (as you all have now). Thank you and i'm sorry for the long, neurotic essay! :D
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): I'm the one who posted it. Thanks for all your reality checks. I actually don't know if there's more to it than a kiss, but all that you guys said has made me think.
It's just hard, you know? I just really wanted to share this experience with him. It was one thing when i saw him as 100%gay but now it's like... it's like he's selectively choosing other chicks over me and i don't mean to sound like a baby or jealous, but it freaking hurts!!
Anyway, thanks to you all. I appreciate it.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 I remember your other posts. Just because he MAY be sexual with other women doesn't mean he wants that with you. Sorry but I think you are setting yourself up for a major rejection. Though perhaps this is the natural evolution of your relationship, the inevitable confrontation when you let him know you want him and he makes it clear he doesn't want you.
I think you may as well force the issue as you appear to have a magical idea that rockets are going to go off for you during a kiss with him. I have to remind you, however that his lips are attached to his face, which is parked near his brain. And his brain may tell him that he's not attracted to you and his brain will have his lips deliver the most disappointing kiss you will ever experience, because his heart isn't in it, not the way yours is.
I know how you are feeling, because I had a very similar situation in my early 20s. I was so interested in a close male friend, who turned out to be gay. I forced a confrontation on him and it was devastating. It broke my heart but I got through it, and in the end, it was a learning experience for me. Perhaps it will be a learning experience for you as well.
If he wanted to kiss you, he would have pursued that with you. I'm pretty sure you've signaled to him that you are open for it, I did the same. The fact that he hasn't swooped you up and carried you off to bed is a pretty clear indication that he's not interested in you in that way. Sorry but you are heading for a heartbreak. I think I'd go ahead and get it over with.
The friendship may survive, when you get over the ego-blow you're about to receive. I don't know for sure. It'll take about 2-3 years to get back to a new relationship with him if it does survive, and it'll be a platonic relationship, no doubt.
This is not a playful thing for you, you have posted about this guy before and you are WAYYYYY underplaying your feelings for him. You are pretending for us so you can feel better about the unrequited lust/love/crush thing you have going on. If it was no big deal, you wouldn't have posted so many questions about him.
Go ahead, propose the kiss but be prepared for a major ego-blow and a big let down. You'll survive it and hopefully come out stronger and wiser on the other side.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (12 April 2012):
OK, you really haven't said you were in love with him, but you say you want to kiss him and that's all?
If its more, which I suspect it is, him being gay is almost like him being married. That's the best analogy I can think of. He's "taken".
Anyway, if you are going mental in love with him, its best you tell him in a most affectionate way that you feel this, and can't get over it. Then I would highly advise you cut ties. Unrequited love is a recipe for insanity.
Then find a straight, unattached male and have some real fun.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (12 April 2012):
 I feel the need to add something, as your comment that you are adult about kisses and realise they are not contracts suggests you are in this for the big passionate stars in the sky and fireworks in the regions of the heart moment.
There is this: by persuing this man, knowing he is gay, you are actually ignoring him, who he is, you dont' really want to kiss him, you want to kiss whoever it is you are projecting onto him. You say the man is gay, you need to accept there is no way he will be physically or sexually attracted to you.
Reality check time my dear!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): I'm the one who posted the questions... thanks for your feedback.. I should've mentioned that i think he's having stuff with other women and i just feel that i don't want to miss out on a chance with him
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 How would you feel if one of your female friends came and tried to snog you?
Would it turn you off of them?
You seem a little clueless my dear and most gay men won't find that attractive.
Sure...go kiss him but it's probably going to destroy the friendship.
In life we cannot always have what we want.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (12 April 2012):
He's gay. What sort of kiss are you planning to plant on him, a big sloppy romantic smooch? It shouldn't be such a big deal, if you want to kiss him as a friend you kiss him in the same way you kiss all your friends, which for me, depending on their age, is usually a hug and a cheek kiss.
If you are hoping for something more I think you need to recognise the fact he is gay and your romantic pash is likely to be seen as a big fat turn off!
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