A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi Users,Where do I begin?. I'll just write what comes I suppose.For four years I have been talking to a man online. We talk every day at least 3 to 4 times and sometimes more. We log onto MSN in the mornings, during breaks at work, after work in the evening and every night. We have become best of friends and he is someone I can talk to about anything and everything. When we first start speaking we were just friends but over time it changed and we expressed our love for each other. I am in love with him and he has become my best friend. Neither of us planned this or even expected it. I would of been the cynic that said and always thought you cannot fall in love over words typed on a screen but it has happened. We have agreed to meet at the end of this year early next year as we reside in different countries. I do trust him with my everything and I know he is not fooling me or playing around. I am the only person on his MSN Id and he is the only person I talk to online also everyday no one else. My issue or problem: I don't know his real name, his phone number, his age, where he works or that type of information. I only recently told him that information about myself and we were both guarded with it and two very private people. I know there is no sinister reason why he is not telling me, just wondering if it has been an issue for anyone else. I do wonder when he will trust me enough to share the information. Sometimes I worry in case something happens how would I know?. Sometimes I feel it more one sided from my part. How do these situation work out?. I never want to lose him from my life he is very dear and precious to me and even if we do not have a relationship we will remain best of friends. Should I be prepared for a broken heart?:(. I am confused and I am not going to end it or anything I love him very much.Thanks for any advice in advance. Much appreciated.
View related questions:
at work, best friend, different countries, msn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012): I bet its a woman. No? how do you know?? You know nothing about this man. you will be a fool to meet up with him, because if something were to go wrong you wont have left details with a friend because you dont know the damn details. I never post on this site, i just read, but damn DAMN don't meet this guy!!
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 I met my boyfriend online... but we knew everything about each other before we even met - his sister even added me on FB before we met.
I think this guy is pulling your leg, or hiding something so that he can one day disappear and you wouldn't even know what happened to him.
Prepare yourself because it doesn't sound like any good will come from this.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Hi Users,
Thank you for replying I really appreciate the advice. I know it sounds crazy and it probably is. I have spoke to him over Skype but voice not camera. He has seen my picture and knows my real name, real number, names of my brother and sisters, parents and what I do and I did give him address and he sent me a card for my Birthday. I suppose anyone looking in to it may think it is crazy and I am being stupid. I would give the same advice to another person in this situation and I am sure he would also.
- So_very_Confused: Yes I have thought that myself and asked the same questions if I was to tell a friend about him.
- Honeypie: We have talked on Skype a handful of times and I know his voice but never seen his picture (Looks are not that important to me).
- Auntyem: I didn't recreate him or plan it. He knows I will not meet him unless I have that information, a name or number etc. I know I need that part of our relationship if it is going to do that to move forward. It has been a problem for us and he tells me I am very patient with him. I don't know. I would like to go onto that stage but not sure if he is ready.
- CindyCares: I suppose I don't know in reality. It has been an issue if something did happen of not finding a way to contact him or know if he is ok, at times if it has been a couple of days when we have not spoke I get very anxious wondering if he is ok. It is a great anxiety and fear already just not knowing.
- Anon Male Reader: Yes I have friends on outside world and more recently have been meeting up after work to see them and making myself aware that if he leaves I won't fall totally apart and get busy.
- Foot-in-Mouth: Thank, I guessed it would move on to telephone conversations, and he has called me just on private number I have no way to contact him, he did text me a few times from a number but I couldn't call it I assumed it was one of those online numbers or numbers you use on mobile internet modem/usb key so still no way to contact. He knows me now the real name, number etc and my thoughts, ideas. beliefs just like I know his. When I asked him he said he has a perennial lack of trust and that it would take time. I just don't know how long it will take.
I know my feelings for him with some doubt and worry but over all I trust him. He knows that before we meet I need to know those details and I will not proceed otherwise. Maybe I will show him this and see that he thinks.
Thanks so much for feedback and comments.
Much appreciated to get an outside perspective.
...............................
A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (3 April 2012):
This is all wrong and bizarre that basic facts about each other you do not even know (albeit he knows about you now).
How can you fall in love with someone who you don't know you're talking to?
Words are very easy to write down on a computer and draw people in.
I would forget about arranging to meet up and forget about this mystery man because it will all end in tears.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): I have only to say, don't let him - run.
...............................
A
female
reader, doppleganger +, writes (3 April 2012):
Sorry to be so blunt but:
He is married.He is not your best friend. Wean yourself off this man. It will only be destructive.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 OMG you are in love with someone who you don’t know their name or their age or anything else about him.
What would you say to your friend who said “I know this guy and I’m in love with him”
“I’ve known him for four years”
She says: “what’s his name?” I don’t know
She asks: “how old is he?” I don’t know
She asks: “where does he work” I don’t know
She asks: “ is he married” I DON”T KNOW
She asks “how much does he make” I don’t know
She asks “what religion is he?” I don’t know
She asks “does he have children?” I don’t know,.
Then she asks “how can you love someone that you know so little about?” I DON”T KNOW….
WHAT DO YOU KNOW about HIM? not what you think.. not what you feel... not what you hope.. WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY KNOW TO BE FACT?
Honey you don’t love him. You love what you want him to be.
HUGE red flags here… you have essentially wasted 4 years of your life.
If you have never talked to him on the phone or met him or seen him and do not know even the most basic information about him, you do not know him.
I am betting you are being played my dear.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 April 2012):
 It's a HUGE HUGE red flag that in 4 years neither of you have disclosed these facts.
I would NOT ever meet with a guy whom I know nothing about (I'm talking straight up FACTS not whatever he's been typing).
I would NOT ever meet up with a guy I met on the net but I had no idea where he lived, how he looks.
Try and set up a Skype date? And honestly, WHY can't you ask him his name? Would you go out with, talk to and date a random stranger without knowing ANYTHING about him?
Think, don't just "feel".
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (3 April 2012):
 It is not a matter of trust to tell someone your name, we all do it almost every day. If you met him in a bar or a shopping mall, he would have told you his name by now wouldn't he??
Online, he is concealed, he can say what he wants and make a million promises...when things get a little close and uncomfortable he can dissapear because he knows that you know absolutely nothing about him.
I suspect he is married because that is the simplest explaination why someone would be so secretive about their life if they are 'courting' another person.
I would most definitely NOT arrange to meet him, because it is likely you will spend money on a ticket, travel thousands of miles and he may not even turn up!!
You do not have all the elements present to decide if you can love this man or be his friend. He is nothing more than an online aquaintance, but you are investing way too much emotion and hope into someone who is nameless, faceless and completely absent in the real world.
It is a fantasy, something created by you both to fill a need...a gap, but it doesn't hold water and won't, all the time you do not know eachother in the real (not virtual) world.
Please be careful.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Have you actually spoken to this person or seen him on webcam? Or has your contact only been typed messages? As they have all your information now. It would be prudent to ask for theirs. For reasons of safety, you really need to verify that you are not giving away all your personal information to someone untrustworthy.
As things stand. If they suddenly disappear, there is no one you can contact about it but that might be how they prefer things.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 Pardon me, but to me it sounds weird that you have become best friends with , and you are planning to meet, someone about whom you know nothing. Nothing factual, nothing checkable : name, address, place of employement, status, etc. In 4 years ?? I am a rather private person too, but 4 years it's not private, it's secretive. Particularly because eventually you let your guard down and shared info- and he did not. That would give me shivers , it's like being on Big Brother : they see you but you can't see them.
You say you KNOW he's not fooling you or playing you around, but , ho do you know exactly, since you live in different countries, have no common friends or acquaintances and could not actually check if you wanted to ?
When you say you KNOW, you mean that what he says rings true- like anything said by a good,convincing liar.
And, like you said, supposed that something happened to him, like he had to be admitted to an hospital etc.- and he'd just disappear from the screen, leaving you with no way to contact him or ask about him, and going crazy with worry and anxiety : what kind of a best friend is that ?!
You say you are the only one he talks on line, how do you know that ? because you are the only one on his MSN ? For all you know, he could have a dozen other accounts under different screen names !
Sorry but IMO in this case two plus two clearly do not make four, something is off. It does not have to be " sinister " - he may just be a married man. But, well, if he's having a romance with you while lieing about his status... that would be sinister enough for me.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Do you have any other friends, not in cyber world but in your real life Or do you just talk to this man you know hardly anything personal about even after 4 years? It sounds like an addiction.What if he is married? Or about 60 or 70 or 12 or 13 ?Its an illusion at the minute You do not know if he is sinister or not you know only what he tells you4 years is long enought to have built enough trust to share personal information.If your meeting anyway then why will he not share his name and phone number?Tell him nothing personal about you, address phone number,workplace,,he could be living closer than you think and if he wont share then you shouldn't.I dont wanna seem down on this guy but be very careful and never part with any money, send dodgy photos, nothingHope he is OK but proceed with care.
...............................
A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 I too met my current boyfriend online (we live in different countries) and from the very beginning, we did not conceal our real names, age or such information. An online relationship is based entirely on trust and if he loves you as he says he does, I have no idea why he's being so secretive. I tend to think that he hasn't been entirely aboveboard with you. He may be married for all you know, or perhaps old enough to be your father! Transparency and honesty is the essence of any relationship, and his reluctance is ominous. I hate saying this but perhaps you really should prepare yourself for heartbreak. I don't see anything good coming out of this. There's one thing you can do meanwhile. Just ask him why he is being so secretive when he claims he really cares about you and wants this to work. How is it that he didn't volunteer his information when you told him all about yourself? Did he even give you a reason for his strange behaviour? How do these situations work out? Well, people start communicating online and then move to telephonic conversations and eventually meet up and take some important decisions! That's how these situations work out.
...............................
|
