A
female
age
41-50,
*itchychick
writes:I just want honest views on this situation please. I realize it doesn't look like he wants me or is a player, I don;t know. Either way he is obviously treating me bad. Anyway, here is the story. The guy I started seeing is ignoring me-for the second time. For two weeks,he ignored me and I thought it was because of something I said to him that he didn;t like. Finally on Sunday, he replied to me again. And he told me a story about why he hadn't been talking to me. It sounded like bull and could be. It actually sounds like something from a movie. Anyway, he also told me he missed me and he wouldnt blame me if I hated his guts. And if I don't wanna talk to him{he should know I did as I kept trying to contact him}, I would be greatly missed. He also said he wanted me to be his girlfriend. He talked like possible past tense, I don't know.Anyway, I just wanted to see him, so I told him to come see me and he did. He wasn't mad about anything and I told him I thought I scared him and he said no. He had told me he was going away for 2.5 weeks for a job before he ignored me for 2 weeks. He even told me what shift he would be working. Turns out there was no job. The bull sounding story he told me was basically that his best friend got in trouble with some bad guys, and called him for help. He said he could't help and he told me just because his friend called him, the 'bad guys' showed up at his house. he said after that, they were following people he contacted and he didnt know how they were doing that. This was the reason he gave for not talking to me. Crazy I know. But I was blinded by my feelings for him and just wanted to see him. He is a vegetarian as I am, and he did tell me he had to eat meat where he was actually staying with a friend when he said he was away, cause he said that was all his friend had,so I know its a little thing but it made me wonder if he really went and stayed somewhere else. He told me I dont know the thoughts he had-as in what those alleged guys could have done I guess.I dont know if something else happened and he doesnt wanna tell me what, but I dont know why he is ignoring me. But while he was here, everything seemed ok. I thought back though on how he acted when I asked when I would see him again. He started to say something and I asked him about it, and he told me I could see him when I wanted and he asked what I was doing that day and the next. And he told me he was busy that day, and he didn't try to make plans with me.My bday is in a few weeks and he told me he had a surprise for me for after my birthday. he said it was related to a tattoo he got, and I asked him if it was good and he smiled and shook his head yes. So it seemed like he really did have a surprise for me. I kissed him before he left and he kissed me back and said he missed me. I offered to call and wake him up at 9:30 Monday morning,and he told me to as well after I offered. When I called, he didn't answer and he emailed me and said he was up and he smiled and said he couldnt talk then, he was where he was going. I said oh ok and that he told me to call him at 9:30 so I did. I never heard back from him. I have tried and tried contacting him and he won't reply. It's bizarre and I don't know why he is doing this. He also was just sitting outside in the car when he came and when I asked if he wanted to come in,he said can I? and he did for a bit but couldn't stay long. We didnt have sex but he is staying with his Mom right now,and apparently shares her car and he said he had to get it back for her. I dont know. This is just horrible and cruel, He should say *something*. And he knows he already put me thru this before and came back sort of for a minute and is gone again already, just hours after he talked to me again for a bit and came to see me.I had some thoughts,too. He continued to email me and told me he would call me but never did after he told me he was going away for this job that didnt exist. And he told me the story about the job supposedly because he stopped communicating ,supposedly because of the alleged guys. If his story about the alleged guys was true, wouldn't he have been afraid to e-mail me the next day as he did? Since again, he told me that was the reason he didn't talk to me for those two weeks. Things were fine or seemingly so until I said something he didn;t like. But he said I didn't scare him and again, claimed these alleged guys were the reason he wasn't talking to me. If the truth was that he just didn't wanna see me anymore, I came on too strong for him, or he got what he wanted, why at least bother to make up such lies and say he missed me and come to see me at all, and only to start ignoring me again a few hours after he leaves here? Why not just ignore me without telling such lies or something? Some of you may say just move on, he doesnt want you but I am just confused because I am the one in this situation and if anyone else was in a situation like this, I would think they would be like * * * ,too and it would drive them crazy. You would also want to know why and try to figure it out. It's just so bizarre, and I've never been in a situation quite like this before. Not to mention I unfortunately developed feelings for him, and thought we had a connection as he supposedly did,too. We also seemed to have more in common than any other guy I met before. I dont know if he just wanted one thing, and started backing away after he got it or what. I slept with him the second time we hung out. He talked to me after, but a few days later is when he told me he was supposedly going to califrnia and he said he believed he could fall for me, and that he liked me and wanted to keep seeing me. Things were basically ok,too til I said what he didn't like. I don;t know if it was a coincidence but that day he started ignoring me, and now he is doing it again. I really need honest views on this please. Theories as to what some of you think could be the reason he is ignoring me again. Because this is really hard on me and confusing.
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best friend, move on, player, tattoo Reply to this Question
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female
reader, witchychick +, writes (18 April 2012):
witchychick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe has had relationships before,too...
A
female
reader, witchychick +, writes (18 April 2012):
witchychick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the person who said he sounds schizophrenic, I don't think he is but who knows. Did you date someone with schizophrenia who treated you the way he is treating me?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2012): I've been there.... He sounds like a schizophrenic. You have no chance of having a *normal* relationship with him as any strong emotion can set him off and disconnect him from reality. Falling in love is one of those emotions. My advice: look it up, see if it fits, talk to him about it and make up your mind on whether you are willing to accept him failing you or disregarding your feelings when he enters a psychotic episode.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, witchychick +, writes (16 April 2012):
witchychick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto 'fishdish': he didn't claim he was kidnapped. He claimed that these alleged 'bad guys' showed up at his house somehow just because his friend called him. And that they also somehow started following people he contacted,and that was the reason he gave for not talking to me for those 2 weeks before. But I know it sounds crazy. I just wanted to see him at the time and feelings can blind us. It can also be hard to just walk away sometimes when u have feelings for someone no matter how old we are. He also hurt me and this has also been confusing. And no I haven't dated just good guys before unfortunately. I have mostly dated jerks but that just has to change. Thanx for replying.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (16 April 2012):
 I think you're wasting your time if you continue hanging out with him. That story was Really weird, if I understood right he was basically kidnapped? so the options are that he wasn't (most likely obviously) or that he was which would make me think that he or his friend or both are tied up in drugs or something.
What he's proven so far is he's not reliable, he doesn't have your back, he doesn't have your interests at heart. it also sounds like he just SAID he was a vegetarian to please you.
you know what, shouldn't this be enough at your age to shut this kind of crap down? or maybe you've only had good guys in your life til now. he's a user and a manipulator; he can't play hot and cold/gone. Something's up and it's really not worth getting to the bottom of what it is.
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A
female
reader, witchychick +, writes (16 April 2012):
witchychick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh this definitely isnt enough for me to say the least.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (16 April 2012):
 From what I have learned...If a guy is giving you confusing signals, he is covering something up.
A man that loves a woman and wants to be with her 100% will be attentive and give direct and clear dialogue and positive actions.
A guy who used mixed signals, tells lies and cannot be pinned down usually isn't sure about the relationship he's in.
What can you do about this?...not a great deal.
You just have to decide if it's enough for you because you cannot ever change another person.
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