A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my partner of 2.5 years and I booked a holiday recently, I previously took him away and paid for everything, he is non working and his mum always gives him money as he lies constantly to her to get her to feel sorry and give him funds. he is 40 and does not and has not in 2years worked. He always seems to have money for what he wants and when I ask him to help with electric and food shopping hes like well I won't have any money for cigarettes a nd petrol for me!!!!His mum inherited 100,00 and he is always trying to milk it out of her she gave him 0ver 12000 at 2010 xmas and he gave me nothing.... he was awful and always taking drugs and drinking to the point where he would not stop and started going to the strip club where he knows the dj and he totally took the piss out of me and enough was enough.. He lived in my flat and at xmas2011 I had enuf and asked him to leave he got violent and I rang the police. he has moved back with his mum I asked him to find a place to live and sort himself but he keeps telling me that if I love him he should be with me... I dont think that... i want him to get a job... anyway we was going to Malta for 11 nights I paid for my flight and I got him a good deal all inc on a hotel for 137pounds for both us... Anyway on the day we was going he said he had to go out for a few hours to see a mate, I know the mate and his wife so said I would go with him, he refused... then he goes and rings me up on way back asking if i want a drink.... no I don't we are flying in a few hours so he comes home to me has a few drinks and some coke I might add... we go and he kicks off over petrol light coming on on his car, well he had just run his mate around so that wasn't my fault.. so he drops me back with my cases shouting at me and goes to his mums.. i am embarassed cos my sons wondering why I am back... anyway 2 hours later he rings so i ignore him then he rings my son so i ansa my phone and he says hes on his way to airport am I coming??? of course I am not so get f....d is what I said... cos I am upset and angry.. so he goes without me... then rings me the next day telling me to book another flight and pay... am i nuts....please tell me if I am wrong..he has also told me that he has had other girls he told he loved and he never did he just milked them for money but I was different he truly loves me and apart from an ex a few years back he hasnt really loved any one other than us... will he ever change or should I give up.. I am emotionally drained..
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drugs, money, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): Thank you all very kindly for your responses..I will endeavour to act upon them this weekend by removing all his bits and sending them to his mum..xx
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 April 2012):
 While he's abroad, change the locks, dump all his stuff at his mothers, get a restraining order, plug up that hole in your emotions and then start living your life on a more positive note.
Cindy listed all his 'charming' qualities...if you say you are going to take him back 'because you love him' I'd say you seriously are crazy.
get rid of him, he doesn't love you...he is using you.End of.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Are you nuts ?
Well, with all due respect, apparently yes.
Drugs, drinking, violent, does not work, stingy, scrounger, a career as an exploiter of women...and, you are still with him, remind me why exactly ?!
Will he ever change ? Hell no. It's worked so fine for him till now- why should he make an effort and change ?
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A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 this guy sounds like bad news.......... cut and run honey.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 All I really see herein, is a woman who has MADE A DECISION to hang around with a guy who she KNOWS is a handful....
At the end of this submittal, as I read it, YOU are home stirring yourself all up in a dither.... and HE is enjoying the great vaca in Malta that YOU sourced, paid for, then failed to take....
Sounds to me like YOU need to decide how much you want to let this guy take advantage of you, and leave it at that.....
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (11 April 2012):
 Basically you are asking two seoarate questions
am i nuts...
will he ever change
Yes to the first question, no to the second.
You are the only person who can decide what to do here, you've written it all down, now go and write it again, but this time number all the negative things you have told us about him, for example
1. he was violent towards you
2. he refuses to pay for his food
3. he milks his mother for money
4. he milked former girlfriends for money
continue on through your question, and then complete the positive list ....
put the two lists side by side and compare, then decide if he adds or detracts from your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): Hmmm, this is an easy one to answer.
He is using you. But my question is why are you letting him? He isnt a catch he is a druggie who sponges off anyone who walks into his life. He only cares about his next fix and drink!
Get rid of this sorry excuse of a man.
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A
female
reader, armyofme +, writes (11 April 2012):
No I'm sorry I don't think that will ever change. It sounds as the he is unable to be responsible for himself, let alone look after you and your son. What you describe is a man who has a fundamental lack of respect for the wishes, needs, feelings and boundaries of everyone around him. He has told you he has used and abused women in the past for money, and if he'd emotionally manipulate his own mother for her money, it seems highly unlikely he'd regard you much differently. He sounds very narcissistic and highly irresponsible - bringing alcohol and drug problems into the lives of you and your son.
The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. I think this man is very bad news, and you will improve your chances of happiness immeasurably if you put him out and lock the door behind him. Be sure to look after yourself, you have surely had a horrible couple of years.
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