A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone need some positive advice. I have just turned 40 and my husband has left me and wants a divorce - we don't have any children. I am feeling numb and empty but we have had a bad marriage for a long time. However I am worried that I am now 'on the shelf'... I would like to meet a guy that wants a family but don't want to appear desperate. I look younger than I am and younger men have flirted around me before but that is just flirting - I want a relationship. What kind of guys are interested in women my age?
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (21 April 2012):
 I am going to agree with Honeypie's assessment.
I wouldn't worry about what sort of guy is going to be interested in you. It is a big world out there and many women who are your age find caring, loving men who want to share their lives with you.
They may be old or young, rich or poor, but love can be found.
I do urge that you allow yourself some time to get to know yourself again. You are going through a major life transition and you will find yourself going through a multitude of changes. Take your time and cultivate yourself and your interests. Figure out what you want to do with the second half of your life and identify characteristics in a man that YOU are seeking. Also identify the positive qualities that YOU offer someone and realize that you to have something to share as well.
By exploring what you want and getting yourself out there, Mr. Right will surely come a-knocking. Just be patient and don't be discouraged if it takes a little time to find that man. Settling for something you don't want or the wrong man will make your soon-to-be-ex look like a pleasant dream.
Good luck
A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (20 April 2012):
As a single guy in the same age bracket, I'll be 36 in a couple weeks, I agree with the very first anonymous female poster. Your biggest serious relationship appeal will be with the 40-50 year old male group, who basically don't want children (they either have kids or don't want any). Guys who are family oriented are, for biological reasons outside of your control, pursuing younger women for the most part. I have a daughter with my ex-wife but would still like to have more. The women I date are basically in the 25-32 age bracket. They're young and fertile, and are into slightly older guys for their experience, maturity and stability.If you really want to have a child, I'm going to echo the suggestion of using a sperm donor. I dated two women (one was 35 and the other 36) who had no children and really wanted at least one. They seemed in such a hurry it was a major turnoff. I guess I'd call it desperation. Guys can tell when a woman has a timeline that may be overly aggressive, and it makes us run in the other direction. Relationships can't be "forced", for a lack of a better term, and having been through one divorce I'm not going to rush into anything. Who knows how long it will take to find the right guy to settle down and have a family with.Considering all of that, if having a child is a big deal for you then you just don't have a lot of time to waste. Going the donor route may not be the popular choice, but it is the logical one.It's really something you have to decide. What is it your most want in life? If the answer is a child, then go with a sperm donor and take your time dating. You can enjoy the single life with no pressure, and if you happen to meet Mr. Right then you can settle down with him. In the meantime, there are plenty of younger guys who are perfectly willing to partake in some sexual fun, but be forewarned that most of them aren't looking for anything serious. If you're not into casual sex, slightly older men should be your target demographic.Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 April 2012):
 I doesn't matter what kind of guy "might" be interested in you.
LOOK at what YOU want in a guy. And go for that!
YOUR life is about YOU!
You tried a douchebag (your soon to be ex) now it's time to try something new. Take the time to find who YOU are and what YOU want. Then start dating.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 April 2012):
 I got divorced when I was 40. I also don't look my age. I am 47 now and have dated some really attractive men. I haven't wanted to settle with any of them (apart from one who cheated on me)because I enjoy my freedom after being in a long marriage. There are also many more things to do with your single life that don't include getting involved with another man!!! Enjoy your singledom and embrace any new opportunities that come your way because being single is quite a hard thing to give up...so you want to make sure you find the right person.
I am in a relationship with a man a couple years younger than me and so far, so good...I am enjoying it very much.
Take your time...because you have time!!
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (20 April 2012):
 I was 39 y.o. and in your situation two years ago. ( I do have two children though. ) I found it exciting to be in the dating pool again. :) Yes, do take your time with all of this. Just like So Very Confused said, get yourself together first before letting anyone into your life.
Online is where I met my boyfriend and we've been together for almost 1 year now. :) I found there are lots of divorced guys available. Some have kids and some don't. Just be careful... If you decide to look online? The men with the lengthy,** too good to be true ** sweep you off your feet** profiles?? seem to be the desperate and annoying guys...lol! Don't waste your time. I found that simplicity is best.
I believe there is someone for everyone out there in this world... you just have to be possitive, confident & keep the faith. Good things will happen for you. ;)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 April 2012):
 I'm 52. I look 52. I'm divorced with two grown children one of whom is disabled... I am engaged to a 38 yr old man who thankfully does NOT want children...
YOU are not on the shelf... 40 is young and vibrant...
I think that before you worry about dating... (because that will happen if you want it to) I think you need to work on taking care of yourself and getting through the divorce.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): lots of people get divorced in their 40s so there are a lot of men your age who are newly single, just like yourself. Many if not most of them will probably already have kids. that is not to say they will not want to have more kids with a new partner, some do and some don't.There are also men who have never been married before because they just haven't found the right woman, or who wanted to live the single life and only now are ready to settle down.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): I am sorry you're going through such a difficult time, but do not lose hope! Of course you can still meet a guy, there are lots of great guys out there who will like you for you! However DO NOT SETTLE, just because you want somebody in your life. Make sure you are truly ready to get with somebody else to ensure it will be successful.
Regards having children, lots of women are having children in their forties, as long as you look after your health and your body. Or there is the option of a sperm donor, not everybody would agree this is appropriate, but nonetheless it is an option I thought I could put out there.
Don't feel that you are past it, instead look on this experience as life beginning for you. Where you can do whatever you want, come and go as you please and you don't have to consider a second person. Fill your life with positive people, mingle and make new friends, go to new bars, restaurants,join clubs, take you a hobby, travel, volunteer with children who are orphaned... whatever the world is your oyster.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (19 April 2012):
 Hi
Daunting after being married isn't it. What kind of guys will be interested well more than a few so your not on the shelf Women are in their prime in their 40s. Probably some younger ones after a cougar , some older after an attractive partner , some erm frogs who will just want your body.
You will soon get back into the dating game may be you know some eligable men right now but haven't looked close because your married.
Just take a bit of time, don't rush in on the rebound or cos you think times ticking by, discover yourself and who attracts you .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): Probably you looking at 40-50 years old men.those who don't want kids any longer. Those who already have kids and divorced. Who never been married probably would want kids if they are close to your age, so you won't be such a great candidate for them as you are very close to the end of your fertility age.
Older guys who never had kids but think it's too late for them for that, and they are actually looking for a woman like yourself.
I don't know that much about younger guys, you know how they are looking at younger women, but may be a small percentage, but as u said yourself for light relationship.
If you didn't want to be in committed relationship right away again, then your dating pool would be much wider. Then you could have them all.
But you know for what. Good luck to you and may be you divorcing wouldn't be such a sad thing after all , quite the opposite.
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