A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys.Just popping in to ask for some advice on coming out as pansexual to a conservative father. My mother, I think her views of me wouldn't change, as she's told me they wouldn't if I ever turned out to be anything other than straight, so I'm not nearly as scared to tell her.Can I use her as a safety net of sorts, to communicate this to my dad? I love him so much, I just feel like this would tear his view of me right in half. I feel like he'd be that parent that would be ashamed to have a non-heterosexual child, and he'd ostracize me from himself.Also, I'm worried about what my family will think, as news spreads like wildfire in my immediate. My mom's side is a bit more liberal, but I don't think that would necessarily mean that their view of me would change significantly. My dad's side would probably refuse to acknowledge me as part of the family (they're all *extremely* conservative Christians as well).I'm so terrified to say anything, but I know who I am, and I think that my parents should know who I am, even if they disagree with it. Any advice anyone can offer is greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (14 April 2012):
 Is it important to you to let your father know this about you immediately and at this time in your life?
Are you about to embark on a relationship with another pansexual person?
Pansexuals are people who do not recognise gender in choosing to be intimate with another? They also do not recognise their own gender.
Parents, on the whole, are not often confronted about their kids sexuality. They just kind of discover it when they see who their kids are dating. When your kids begin to date, you tend (as a parent) to observe and see how they are maturing and changing.
I am the mother of two bisexual daughters. I knew they were bisexual because they had both dated girls and also boys. I noticed this when they were around 15 and 16. They were both quite upfront and proud of their sexual status and never hid anything for me.
I won't lie, I struggled with the concept, worried that they might not have kids of their own, worried about how other people would see them, but I kept those thoughts to myself, opened my mind and tried to see things from their point of view. My ultimate thought was for their happiness...and I could see that they were happy.
Moving on a few years they are both in their 20's and have both settled with boyfriends. They both talk about past girlfriends and sexual experiences but I never assumed they were just going through a confused phase. I guess it's a grey area with many degrees of satisfaction.
You can tell your dad, but at a risk that things will be difficult for him to deal with (most parents will feel something)or you can wait...see where your sexuality leads you and let him see you immerging as an individual who is seeking happiness and fulfillment through your relationships.
It is improtant that he accepts you as much as it is important for you to recognise that you may not get the reaction you want.
I say let it unfold.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): your mother saying her views wouldn't change if you turned out to be "anything other than straight" suggests that she may already know something. I don't think it's something a parent would ordinarily come out with? Maybe I'm wrong. But if that was the reason, it would make it a lot easier.I think you should tell her. You've made it obvious that she's the more open minded one. Maybe her reaction will give you some advice on how to approach your dad, or maybe you could both do it together?In regards to your dad's side of the family - they shouldn't refuse to acknowledge you. As a Christian, you're taught not to judge others. So if they DID judge you, they'd need to reflect on themselves.Your family is your family - I think they'll love you no matter what. It may take your dad some time to adjust, but it'll be worth it in the long run.Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Araelia V +, writes (14 April 2012):
 I think what you want to do is firstly extremely brave!
Secondly I think you're right to be worried, gay people and bisexuals have this problem as well.
I would suggest you tell your mum privately and ask her opinion on your dad as she obviously knows him and his reactions extremely well.
They do deserve to know and It's not like your telling them that you're gay so you'll never be open to having a child with anyone or anything like that you're just telling them that you might be bringing kinds of people home that he's not expecting. He should accept it and if he doesn't want to, he'll have to because you're his daughter and as Jesus said God is all loving. If god can accept you, your dad should too!
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A
female
reader, In.love.with.him +, writes (14 April 2012):
 Father or not he should respect your choices if he doesn't then tell him that he cannot force you to be straight you will only end up confused. By the way god has nothing to do with the church the church lies and tell your Christian father to read the dead sea scrolls it does imply Jesus was doing homosexual thing big deal and what about the prostitute Jesus was married to? This is why I'm not religious I believing god is my third eye my spiritual being in my head not some greater power that's invisible. Also they discriminate against gays then they complain about there being to many people on earth if anything they should be praising them. Your sexuality goes all ways which is fine do what you do. Just say it and demand respect if he won't give you any than leave for a while he'll come around sooner or later.
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A
female
reader, MeShell +, writes (14 April 2012):
 I think you need to really make sure when your ready to tell him. Maybe you should tell them together, or since you believe that your mom is okay with it tell her first, then once she's on your side. You can tell your dad.
I can't say he will be okay with it, but all you have to be is honest and the longer you keep this to yourself the more hurt you will cause.
I wish you much luck and hope he is okay with it. My sister just recently came out of the closet and my dad didn't take it good at first, but gradually he's learned that she is still his daughter, just does not like guys.
If you ever need to talk you can message me! Good Luck! :)
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