A
female
age
,
*right
writes:I'm 48 seperated with two boys( 17 and 12). My boyfriend is 39 has never been married and had no children. We went out for approx 9 months first. We were so in love. We did alot of travel to London, Paris etc.. on our own. As he earns very little I paid for all flights, hotels, meals out and wine and champagne etc. I honestly didn't mind because this man treated me better than I was ever treated in my 17 years married. He made me feel sexy, fun and most of all like a woman. He told me he loved me all the time too. Sometimes when we would argue he would not contact me for days, wouldn't answer my txts, phone calls, e mail. I would beg and plead for him to please talk to me. I would tell him how much I needed him and love him and how sorry I was. Even though I knew it wasn't always me at fault. He would eventually contact me after about a week sometimes two and everything was as it used to be. Then he suddenly dumped me after 9 months. I begged and pleaded and cried to him to not leave me but he said there was nothing in the relationship worth saving. So that was that.I was heartbroken and it some time to scrape myself off the ground and face the world. During these months my ex would send the odd email or txt wishing me happy birthday, Xmas, new year and do on but I never responded. I did try to date other guys but they never even came close to my ex. It was going on 9 months now and I still missed him and wanted to be with him. Then one day his friend called me and said my ex was with him and wanted to talk to me so I said ok and we spoke and arranged to meet in London about 6 weeks later. We met and fell back in love instantly and were even better and stronger then before. Although I still paid for everything again and I mean everything including this time clothes, shoes giving him some cash to keep him going etc... We have been 2gether about 10 months again and he has dumped in the most callous way and again won't answer my calls or email or txts. As usual I have begged and pleaded and said sorry even though I am not completely in the wrong. Eventually he sent me a txt saying "it's over". That was it. He won't answer my calls. I am in a bad way right now and I don't know what to do. I can't understand this behaviour of silent treatment. It's so hurtful. I need to know will he miss me come back to me does he really love me. I never doubt his love when we are 2gether. Please help. Btw my ex husband left me for another woman and I was devastated. This ex boyfriend lives in Denmark so we go back and forward to see each other which could be almost every week sometimes every other week. This has never been a problem. I pay for all the flights. My ex bf is also up to his eyes in debt.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (14 April 2012):
 When you are in a relationship your partner SHOULD be nice to you and you not expect anything in return other than to be nice to them.
Normal stuff like taking the kids to school and cooking is just that...NORMAL and part of a healthy relationship. Just because he does those things it doesn't mean he can take advantage in other ways like expecting you to pay for everything.
If I am honest, I think you have gone above and beyond because you are scared of losing him...so you carried on 'providing'...and you lost him anyways.
It has nothing to do with the fact that he doesn't have money...he could always get a job and then he'd be able to pay his own way and I can't see why that's such a problem.
Does he love you?...maybe on some level...but is it really enough for you? Is it a reasonable compromise to have to give so much and wade through a minefield of worries, doubts and arguments just for that tiny bit of love he may have for you?
Don't you deserve more?
A
female
reader, Bright +, writes (14 April 2012):
Bright is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone
I just want to make it clear that I'm not taking the loser back.
I couldn't believe his excuse and couldn't believe I was so stupid not to realise what was happening.
Because of all your help and advise it had prepared me for his eventual
excuse and to be honest my reply to him was
' grow up and grow a pair'
Actually I pity him and pity is the lowest form of all human emotions.
I have a disgust with him.
Although I don't blame him totally... There is two in every relationship
and I have to accept I was taken for a fool.
I fell for his charms.
You guys have no idea how helpful your replies have been to me.
Please keep them coming because it wil help me to move on.
X
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A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (14 April 2012):
 Attention is good especially when you've been treated badly for so long, but also you need to watch it. Don't let anyone use you for a doormat. I know you're thinking I have lots of money but that means you're paying for his services. He's doing school runs, gardening etc because he knows you'll pay in cash and kind so to say. He's really nice you say but even the lousiest jerks know the right thing to do but just don't do it. I feel bad you've taken him back again! Fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice, shame on me. Don't let him do it a third time. It will hurt more than you know. Throw him out and don't look back - because he's just weeks away from doing it to you.
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A
female
reader, Bright +, writes (13 April 2012):
Bright is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Guys
I just have to up date you.
He has spoken!!!!
He dumped me because after an argument we had at the weekend I threw him out of my home and he had a flight to catch the next morning and he had no money to stay anywhere or get a taxi. So he had to walk all the way to the airport.... Hehehe!!!!!
I want to thank you all for your help.
You have made it so much easier for me to move on.
Onwards and upwards.....??
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A
female
reader, Bright +, writes (13 April 2012):
Bright is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDoesnt anyone at all see any love from him to me? Could he love me and sometimes maybe he gets down about his suitation. It must be embarrassing for him on some level that I have more money. I really do appreciate all your replies.I'm being devils advocate here.. Im must admit though it is him that comes up with the ideas of where we should go next. Maybe at times he feels bad about not having money and loves me because I accept him for who and what he is??? No? Hmmmm ... Even when I read that back it sounds pathetic. But there are so many nice things about him... Really!! I'm serious.He cooks for me, he helps me out with repairs on my house and garden and is great with the boys and does school runs etc... He is very romantic and giving in every way he can but not financially as he doesn't have money. Meeting a man with money is not a priority for me as I have my own money and I was married to a man with money and believe me I was never treated well. I want really honest answersThanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): He has been using you and, as you love him, you have let him do it. You pay for everything, you are being taken for a ride. Please wake up and smell the coffee - he is no good for you and he is doing you a favour by getting out of your life. DON'T let him back in. He will only use you again, no question.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 April 2012):
He is with you for what you can provide.
From his point of view he has a desperate woman willing to throw cash, gifts and vacations at him. He can treat her like shit when it suits him and never have to say sorry (because she does all the apologising). She lives in another country so she cannot see what he's up to 24/7 (how convienient). He's in debt so who does he call when things get a little tough...the cash machine...that would be you darling!!!
Cut the cord, deal with your dissapointment but secretly have a celebration that you finally saw the light and shook off such an unreliable, asswipe leach!!
Really you got to set the bar a little higher!!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 Step away from that loser.
He doesn't love you for you, but for what you can provide for him (vacations and goodies) and I guess he hates that HE knows he is a user.
Why are you so willing to bankroll a guy? Because he is nice to you? Makes you feel good?
I think you need to accept that you deserve better. And that you can DO a LOT better then this guy.
He is 39, financially unstable, dumps you at the drop of a hat, "takes" you back when he wants/needs a vacation.
Cut yourself lose from him. Delete his number, block him. Don't talk to him if he calls or one of his friends call. MOVE on.
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