A
female
age
51-59,
*aisymay
writes:About a year ago I met a very nice and sweet guy who I have come to love very deeply. At the time he was in a relationship but he broke it off with her and we began to talk (it was a 1 year relationship)I fell in love with him but felt he still had issues with his ex because she continued to look for him and it seemed that she couldnt let go. We like each other very much and I stayed as a friend having strong feelings for him. Eventually he went back to her 3 months later and i distanced myself from him not wanting to damage his relationship in any way. His relationship only lasted two months and he left her again. After the breakup we started to text and talk again but his ex continued to text him, invite him to places, throw pictures on post them in facebook like if they never left each other. At this point i expressed my feeling to him and he said he need time because he recently got out of a relationship and he didnt want to initiate another too quickly and i respected his wishes. his ex became a shadow looming over us at all times. it wasnt until this past christmas that we really had the opportunity to be together and express our feelings mutually although i decided it was best to take things slowly because of all this issue of his ex. His ex had stayed away for some time and that was the time when i truly felt liberated and relaxed with him. But then all of a sudden she came back texting him and she made an issue about seeing us together, she posted nasty comments about him on facebook making it seem as though he has been leading her on. I became doubtful about his integrity and eventually became suspicious of him. During this episode he decided he needed time to be alone and i became hurt because deep down i knew this was all about his ex so i pulled away and we stopped talking to each other for almost two months. we did keep in touch once in a while but it wasnt anything big but i did nothing to go after him. After two months he came back to me and said he was sorry for the hurting me and that he had made his choice to be with me and this time for good. I have trust issues about this. His ex continues to bother and make comments about him and she knows we are together. i really dont know what to do, i am really tired of all this situation with his ex and I really love him and i feel he loves me too. Weve been together for a month and everything is great but his ex continues to loom over us and i feel he feels guilty for hurting his ex (she has a habit of reinforcing this by posting comments on facebook) and feels the need to make things right. he is a complete gentlemen and very shy, reserved not the controversial type and i feel his ex is taking advantage of this. She has insinuated in the past that i am a slut and she feels that i am responsible for coming between them. Please help. should i let him go or should i hang on?Confused
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2012): you should let him go. hanging on in these types of situations usually doesn't do anything productive for you because this issue is between him and his ex only. there's unfinished stuff going on between them, and within himself as it relates to her. if you stay involved with him you'll just be taken along for a roller coaster ride where you have no say in what happens because you have no control over someone else's thoughts, feelings and actions.
take a step back and decide if he really is the kind of guy you want: look how easily he left his relationship when someone new came along. Do you think this could happen to you too if he met someone new in the future? And then even after he broke up with her, he went back on it and got back with her again, only to break up again. This wishy washiness and inability to stick with a decision, is very unmanly and shows lack of integrity and a weak character. he could do it to you too even if she was out of the picture.
you best leave him be, so he can sort out his own mess. If in the future he's finally sorted himself out and as a result has grown in his character from having accomplished something, then it would be a better idea to get involved with him then.
A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Hunny... I really don't want to sound bad and I need you to take what I am about to say with an open mind. I believe that it is YOU looming over their relationship and not the ex. They were together.... you got in there... he got confused...sat on the border and I still think he is in the grey zone in the middle at the moment. If he was REALLY OVER HER and she knew it...she would not behave like this. But she knows she has a chance somewhere in there. I think that love on its own is not enough, . And after such a short time together, who knows the history they have... Good luck hun xxx
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (10 April 2012):
 You did come between them!!! and that's why this woman won't go away.
How would you feel if someone came and took him from you?
It is not your business to have anything to do with her, it is up to your boyfriend to speak to her, say he is sorry for cheating on her and to explain that things are over and that he wants to be with you. If he isn't doing this already then he is either very weak or very undecided if he wants to be with you or her.
She obviously loves him and it's wrong of you and your boyfriend to think that she can just forget that love and move on like nothing happened.
Stay out of the situation...it is his business to deal with.
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