A
female
age
51-59,
*nhappy.com
writes:hi, just joined this site, as i read alot of stories about being the OW. i too was the OW, for 2 years, and stupidly believed he would leave his partner, well, i was the one he dumped after she found out about us, and obviously he denied everything, now i have to pick up the pieces and get on with my life how???
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2017): The exact same thing happened to me, I believed all his lies for more than a year and then he texts me that it was over and he still loved his wife.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 April 2012):
 First you need to take ownership and responsibility for your own actions in this story. You knew there was a woman involved, and so therefore, somewhere you knew that hurt and loss was a possibilty. If you blame and hate him, or blame and hate his partner, you won't get very far and can easily make this same mistake again.
Why was you willing to believe such silly lies? Why wasn't him moving in with you on the cards. Why did you wait so long and ignore common sense and your gut feelings?
Be honest. If you loved him and wanted to ignore the truth, then you is a woman in love who took a dangerous chance and it didn't work out. Such things happen in life. If you knew the truth but ignored it because you don't like to deal with difficult things, then you need to fix that, because avoiding difficult things never works. If you were lonely and lacking company, then go pretty up and get out there and learn to make some decent friends.
Work on you. Be honest and truthful about the kind of woman you are and why you do such things. Then change and overcome your limitations and the flaws in character that might have held you back all these years. Once you are strong and re-built better than before... then GO OUT AND HAVE FUN, AND SMILE..... because you are alive, and single and wiser, who knows what the future may bring.
This guy wasn't the right one, but he may yet have taught you a valuable lesson which will make your life even better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): In my defence , he isn't married, was living with someone, and told me they had split already but she was still living in the house with the 2 kids and lookin for somewhere to live. But turns out they hadn't split at all !!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2012): I have no sympathy for you at all you were seeing a married man you shouldn't have started anything put yourself in her position how would you feel about the OW the only one who I feel sorry for is his wife
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 How do you move on? Simply one step/one day at a time. Cut the contact to him 100%. Work on yourself. Figure out who you "dated" a married man in the first place. Why you were willing to share a man with another woman. Why you didn't think YOU did anything wrong here, why you didn't think HE did something wrong. Ask yourself WHY you trusted a lying cheating scumbag for that long.
Then when you feel like it, forgive yourself for making such a poor choice in a partner. We all have to kiss a few frogs. LEARN from it. Married man (and women) who are WILLING to cheat on their spouse will lie to get what they want. Lie to YOU and lie to their wife. It's all about them. However, you WERE the enabler. LOOK back at his actions, did they really match his words?
And then, when you go back out there and start dating.. STAY FAR FAR away from men who are married or "almost divorced". Find someone who is SINGLE someone who doesn't WANT to share you with anyone and not himself either.
Ponder the whole morals and values issue. Life is not about just looking good or feeling good. It's about BEING good (as in a good person) and doing GOOD.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (3 April 2012):
You are not the first and you won't be the last...learn from the experience and gradually time will heal.
On a scale of dateable men, I do believe that married men are the very highest risk. Almost all return to their wives and never think about the consequences their selfish action have on the women they are involved with or their families and children.
I know of one such couple. Married for 10 years, two young kids. He left her for someone he met on the internet. He told her the marriage was over and she was devestated, she lost 30 lbs, became reliant on anti depressants, had to find a full time job to support herself and the children.
Slowly she recovered, couldn't date, but was able to move foward and come off of the depression medication.
He moved into an apartment with the new woman, took holidays, bought a new car, neglected to see his kids on the weekends because he was taking the new woman ski-ing.
Now 18 months on he has changed his wife, asked her to take him back (which she is considering). The new woman has been dumped, turned out of the apartment because she wasn't on the lease and she is staying on a friends couch.
What guilt does this man have?...none
How has this man been inconvienienced?...nothing.
How sorry is this man?...only as sorry as will get him back into his family home.
It's disgusting!!
The new woman is now badgering the wife on facebook because she is so desperate to have news of him and wants him back. The wife has almost had to counsel the new woman because she has threatened suicide and the wife is a pretty decent woman.
Personally I think the two women should move in together and toss the lying cheating asshole on the scrap heap...but you know that isn't going to happen.
Women need to wise up to these men (and men also of cheating women) They cannot have it all their own way...it isn't right and it isn't fair. They are screwing with peoples lives and emotions and never have to suffer any consequence!!!
This scenario has been repeated millions of times over...and what have women learned???...nothing.
You only have to remember one thing.
'STAY AWAY FROM MARRIED MEN'
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (3 April 2012):
It can be very difficult as people can be extremely deceptive. I used to think how on earth would someone sleep with someone whose married!? Well i know now that some people lie say they are getting divorced, others tell you horrible things about their wives mistreating them, and some just out right tell you beautiful lies that suck you in like a gravitational pull. Things like being with you and leaving their life behind. Only then to find out youve been thrown out like trash on a rainy day. I know you cant see it now but as each day passes you will get stronger and the pain will lessen. Counselling can help as well as filling up your day with work or hobbies anything so you arent moping around and dwelling on it. But find someone to talk to even a friend or family member a listening ear can help get it out. Hope that helps
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 You simply have to make yourself get up every day and make the effort and throw yourself into life. Put makeup and and nice clothes and concentrate on doing things for you. No one else can do this for you. Just find a way to get through every day and find something to make you feel happy even for only 5 mins every day. Bit by bit you will emerge from the fog and you will be a better person for it. I hope you have learned never to get yourself into this situation again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): Don't think that his wife "won" over you just because when he got caught and was forced to choose he chose her. that's a hollow victory for her, if it can even be called that. Don't envy her because he chose her. he didn't really choose her, he simply decided he has less to lose by letting you go than leaving her or having her leave him.
he's a coward - when he got caught he denied everything. if he loved his wife he woudlnt' have cheated on her in the first place, let alone for TWO YEARS. He's not staying in his marriage because he loves his wife. He is just looking out for himself and his own comfort. he doesn't want a divorce because he enjoys some benefits from being in a marriage and he wants to maintain that, that's all. A real man would not be maintaining a long-term affair. Some men who get into affairs at least have the decency that when caught, would not deny it. Would admit that yes he did it and yes it was wrong. And from there maybe decide to grovel to the wife and dump you if he deems losing his marriage is worse than losing you.
the man you were involved with isn't even at this level. you thought he was a deep down decent person just caught in a bad situation (being married to someone he doesn't love) but you thought he would eventually do the proper thing of becoming honest and leaving his marriage and being with you because he had told you he loved you. Well, the truth has now been revealed. He doesn't care about you, or his wife, or his integrity, only his own comfort.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): I've been the OW too. They split up and we were together but it still didn't work out.
Remember you will never fully trust someone capable of having an affair, that's how you eventually move on. (Don't get me wrong as far as I know he didn't cheat with me, but it was always at the back of my mind) Mine wasn't as long as 2 years either (the affair)
Realise you made a huge mistake, and don't do it again. A man that can cheat on someone for two years really is not worth your time.
Tell yourself you deserve better and don't settle for half hearted/sloppy seconds ever again. ~Be single for a while, time heals most wounds, and when you are ready to date, just make sure you are their priority and not second best. xx
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