A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:why do i still feel bad ? my ex dumped me for the second time about 8 months ago to go back to her ex. in a way i blame myself . i fell for her again very qiuckley, she never really let go of me , texting me , stringing me along , i was in love with her and she was playing me. when she fell out with her boyfriend , we were an item once again , she was still in touch with her ex , she said they were friends ( she is in her 50s , im in my 40s) anyway she tells me one day she is going to visit her sister , later that day i saw her with her ex , she saw me but never said anything and the following day id arranged to see her, i didnt mention it, i guess i just didnt want to believe it. the day after , she just cuts all communication with me , no text calls etc , i knew she was back with her ex. they fell out a few months later , only this time she never got on touch with me. i see her regular(she lives the floor below me) , she couldnt look at me at first, then after awhile i started saying" hello", i didnt want to ignore her, its difficult ignoring someone, but it really hurt me a lot what she had done, so we began talking. it didnt go well really , i was a bit dramatic and told her she was casual, she also had been diagnosed with angina , i said "does your exs new squeeze have angina or is it just you thats f....d ?" i said , "you used me and played me" throughout all this , all she could say was "do you think you have a silly name ?" she was mocking me . i walked away , the week later i went on holiday . when i got back from my holiday , i saw her in passing, i was going to ignore her , when she pipes up " how was your holiday ?, where did you go ? etc etc ...that totally threw me, i wanted her to just ignore me' so i started talking , being friendly with her again . the following time i saw her , i tried to speak , she wouldnt look at me and said "sorry im busy " and walked away ...now i feel terrible , i dont know whats going on, its like shes controlling me . i cant afford to move , a few weeks ago i started to see someone else , i told her about my ex , she said i should just put on a front, be nice to her "take the higher road " she says , my ex has seen me several times with my new girlfriend , it doesnt bother her , i totally blame myself for getting involved with her again . i feel i cant move on as shes there in the background.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2012): You gave it TWO shots, it DIDN'T work. Accept that.
Having been in a similar situation I understand your post.
'She never really let go of me' 'texting me' 'stringing me along' (you allowed her to 'never let go of you' (I understand why, I have done it myself.) (You weren't ready to accept what she is like and/or let her go either totally)
Do what your new girlfriend suggests, say hi,(if it's totally unavoidable, but if she tries to chat, say sorry I can't stop, I'm really busy/have to be somewhere right now etc.
I'm sure you have an idea of what time she comes in/goes, so try to avoid it (if you can't move?). why can't you move btw? Where there's a will, there's a way...
Really people like that do NOT deserve your attention at all. She sounds a bit weird, and a player/user etc. Don't let it spoil what you have with your new girlfriend.
Good luck
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (31 March 2012):
 Sorry that you are going through such a confusing time. There is no doubt that your ex has given you the run around and it's typical behaviour for someone who either doesn't want to commit to you or doesn't know what they want at all.
It's rough that she lives so close to you and that is always going to be a problem if you allow it to be.
You feel like you have unfinished business with her, which is often the case when a relationship ends badly or messily. In a way though, you do have closesure because you gave it a fair go and she proved that she wasn't serious about you...also you have a new girlfriend so you need to be careful not to make her feel pushed out because of your ex.
I would avoid contact at all cost, don't go to places that you know she will be. Don't get involved in petty excanges or react if you see her in the street. It really is possible to take the higher moral ground if you just stay strong, draw a line and do not cross it.
Eventually with the passing of time, things won't feel so intense and you will begin to feel better.
Just enjoy being in a new relationship and give it all your attention...life goes on and so must you!!
Good Luck
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