A
female
age
51-59,
*hellycg
writes:This is my first time on here so, here goes, ive known a man for nearly 20 years infact i was a bridesmaid at his wedding he split up from his wife about 3 years ago - she was very unkind and decided to tell everybody that he was a cross dresser (which he was) we got together over a year ago as we have always had a thing for one another, he told me that he was in love with me and we started a relationship - my goodness what a relationship it was with a brilliant connection between us both and fabulous sex life, and also me coming out to him that I quite liked the cross dressing - however, we have had some traumatic times in our relationship and we have split up several times, he suffers with parkinsons disease too - but i saw past that and loved being with him - however, the cross dressing thing has taken over his life totally just lately ive met some of his cross dressing friends and their family, hes been really horrible to me, hes ignored my calls told me im needy, and I need to seek therapy - we have no split up again and he says we are broken, and hes adding friends from TV sites daily to his facebook account, i feel totally left out , he said im his dream girl - turned nitemare,??? and cant figure him out --- Any advice please - Thanks
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (20 May 2012):
 I think it's hard to get closure when you can't accept the truth about a situation.
From an outsider point of view it seems this man is branching out to a new part of his life and it's a part that he doesn't want to share with you.
He's tried involving you by telling you things but really it seems as if he is trapped between two world... A settled life with you or a more 'exciting' existence where he is able to indulge his cross dressing and meet new 'friends' from the internet and get involved in 'special' parties.
You are being accepting, attempting to go along with him, reassure him and support him. You have explored your own insecurities but really I think this is a sideline to the actual problem...and the problem is not you...it's him!!!
He is like a monkey swinging (pardon the pun) from one tree to another. He knows where he wants to go, but it's a very unstable future, so he has clung onto you, told you he cares for you (which on some level he probably does) but now things have gone further with his other life and he thinks he can make it on his own, hence pushing you away and behaving badly towards you.
I would also say his illness is probably having some effect, perhaps he feels time is running out and he must pursue his desires (for cross dressing and such) whilst he is still well enough to do so.
Why is he being so insulting towards you instead of just being straight with you?...because a lot of men are not good at being straight and it all gets messy and they end up being aggressive or curt.
I understand why you are chasing him...this has been a life long trek for you...but it isn't what it seems and can never be what you want it to be...you, him, loving one on one relationship.
He is calling the shots here and perhaps it is time for closure on your part.
I know it's not pleasant to go through a break up, in fact, it's dire, but how are you ever going to heal until you have been through the process??
Maybe you could keep him as a friend, as he was for all those years...or make a clean break and meet someone whose life is a little less ego centric and complicated.
Sending you hugs xxx
A
female
reader, shellycg +, writes (20 May 2012):
shellycg is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well guys im back ..... where on earth do i begin, me and my ex partner (who is the cross dresser) started talking again, ending up going out for dinner, then i slept with him and we started seeing each other again, I did alot of soul searching and found that some of the problems were due to my insecurities with him - ive address that thanks to the books mars and venus on a date and men are from mars women are from venus, however, he has spent many weekends with his cross dressing friends without me, he did spend one weekend with me and had a phone call off one his friends and never bothered to tell them he was with me!! and also said he didnt want to be here wanted to be there, even so we talked we didnt argue and we got through that, however, the last week or so hes been acting really odd (as well as his parkinsons) first he wants me then he doesnt, (ive found myself being insecure and driving passed his house, when he doesnt know) hes told me hes been at his friends house and then has appreared at his house... hes also now this is disturbing put on his facebook page about a party (that i was invited to) about a swingers party being held, when i spoke to him about it, he was angry and said I WAS ACCUSING HIM and said he had posted it on there for a friends business (yeh yeh i thought) however, he came around the other day and he was really down said it wouldnt bother him if i met someone else or if he ever saw me again!!! i went to see him at his house on the evening and he said he couldnt remember saying it!!! i said the him if he went to swingers party that would be me and him finished game over, then i said rightly or wrongly , how would you feel if i got a man rang you up and you heard us having sex over the phone he got really angry and said i should go relationship over etc......... im so angry with him its ok for him to put swingers poster on his facebook , but im not allowed to say anything to him back and stand up for myself to add insult to injury he text me back and said go and do it with someone else, he will get off on it !!! then he said at least hes free to do what ive accused him of in the past , !!!! im so hurt and upset after everything weve been through and he treats me this way, i find myself looking at his facebook page, and trying to find anything out, i keep thinking hes with someone else, and i find im on here again, looking a) very foolish B) how on earth do it get closure with this guy and not take him back time and time again. thanks (sorry its longwinded) xx
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A
female
reader, shellycg +, writes (12 April 2012):
shellycg is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi to the person who is annoymous - many thanks for your mail, I cant tell you what a breath of fresh air it is talking to someone who really knows - friends can surmise and judge and give you reasons why etc... but someone who has actually been there is refreshing and makes me feel like it wasnt all my fault - yes I guess i had some part to play but sometimes - you need an answer or at least a reason. please feel free to private message me? many thanks x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2012): This is a man who seems to have put himself first for many years. There may however be mitigating circumstances. Is he taking dopamine agonists for the Parkinson's? This medication can have serious side effects in some people such as exhibitionism, hypersexuality and cross dressing, amongst many others.If he already had a propensity for that behaviour it is quite likely it would increase with the medication. This is well documented and a google search on "dopamine agonists" would give you further information. Having been in a similar relationship myself I would say find yourself someone who will put you first. good luck.
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A
female
reader, shellycg +, writes (11 April 2012):
shellycg is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone, just wanted to say a big thank you for those of you who have answered me so far - a big thank you for the anoymous reply - you almost seem to know him and me!!! im getting there feeling alot better have good moments and bad... thanks everyone x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2012): NOW you know what his WIFE went through with him: you judged her harshly and you had/have no right to do that. She spent 17 years with this selfish, self consumed man. She did"warn" you and other though, didn't she? But you felt that she unnecessarily gave away his secret. She LIVED this life that you are now living. You say you were a bridesmaid at his wedding and that you both always had a thing for each other? I am hoping you did not end your friendship with his wife so that you could start something with him?? He is Not worth a moments sleep: he is Not going to change. He is a user and a taker. And you will not, in fact, you cannot change him.Just chalk it down to experience and move on. You don't need any more drama and the sooner you realise that you are better off without him, the better! Hey why don't you contact his long suffering wife, open a bottle of bubbly and toast to both of your future. You Gals deserve it.LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Time for you to let go. There has been a sudden change in his needs, whatever they are and he is trying hard to set you loose so that he can get on with things he feels he has to do.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (10 April 2012):
He has moved on! that's why he is distancing himself from you and being mean. He's looking for new friends and branching out but has made it clear that you arn't invited along for the ride.
It's a really awful thing to take advantage of someone and this is what he has done to you. You accepted him for who he was and now he cannot give you what you need so is pushing you away.
Personally I would let him go. It's not a defeat, he just doesn't want or need you and you have to accept that.
People can be very selfish to get what they want (and most men always get what they want). Heal your broken heart and forget him...there is someone better out there for you.
xxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, jewlstep4174  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Its sounds to me like you need to separate yourself from him and take a break. See if being apart is meant to be.
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