A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend and i have been dating a year now, but she still a virgin at the age of 25. we fool around alot and i go down on her and give her alot of orgasms and my finger gets more sex than me and i havn't had sex for over a year. problem i have is that she dont want to do it and wants to wait till married. i respect her decision, i dont want to feel like im just a stepping stone and what if we break up and the next guy gets it right without even marrying her? i need advice as to what to do or how to approach about getting frustrated without upsetting her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): I have a feeling you're not satisfied with the arrangement you have with your gf. Either let her reciprocate in giving pleasure as you give her,bor if you will burst without intercourse then find another girlfriend who will comfortably have sex with you.why do you think of the next guy who might have sex with her before marriage? Is your relationship not solid enough? Do you see any future together?
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 November 2012):
 Hi
Its her choice not to have sex with ANYONE before marriage. You know that and must deal with it.
I don't understand why either of you would want to frustrate yourselves with what amounts to foreplay to be honest.In my book you either want to wait,have no physical contact or you don't
If you have no marriage or even engagement planned then this situation could go on indefinately.
So.
You either give up and move on,let her find a man who is willing to wait ~ OR respect her choice and you wait.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): A stepping stone? What are you on about? You think she's with you just to get fingered and licked out so she can save herself for someone else?
Do you know how crazy you sound OP?
It sounds to me like you're trying to find a reason to pressure her into having sex with you. Trying your best to find any possible justification for doing so.
If you can't handle the no sex before marriage thing OP, then don't waste her time any longer. Let her move on and find a guy who can wait.
"guy gets it right" What?
I'm right aren't I OP, you just can't handle the no sex thing and you're looking for us to tell you a way you can convince her.
Well no, we're not going to do that. If it's like others suggested and she's not giving enough hand jobs and blow jobs just tell her so.
But do not for one second turn into a pressure douche and try and get her to sleep with you. If she does end up caving in she'll regret it for the rest of her life and you'll just have hurt her to get your own way.
Can't handle it? Go, let her find another guy who can wait.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 November 2012):
 You ask: what if we break up and the next guy gets it right without even marrying her?
I say, so what if he does. However, if you are making sure she is getting lots of sexual satisfaction and you are not, and you feel there is an imbalance you need to discuss this with her.
It also sounds like there are no plans between you for marriage, I am sure it would be easier for you if there was an end date in sight. Do you want to marry her, does she want to marry you?
Maybe you need to think about that aspect, and if she isn't the girl for you, find the one who is.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (12 November 2012):
 Why are you thinking about a "next guy"?? What is causing you to consider someone after you? Do you love her?
You just might be incompatible with her if you can't wait until marriage. There's no shame in that, because being celibate before marriage is no easy call. Not only that, but often, those who do so (no sex before marriage) tend to have very short courtships and marry fast. For example, having grown up in a strict religious upbringing (one I have rethought as I grew older), I saw marriages that happened 3 months after dating started, or 6 months (this one was common), or 9 months. One friend of mine married a mere 5 weeks from the time of first date. I don't recommend a fast courtship myself, but that's one way many people handle the "no sex until marriage" rule.
However, the "what if she sleeps with the next guy before marriage" issue disturbs me some. If you break up with her, what do you care what she does? Chances are, you'll meet someone and have tons of wild animal sex with them, so who cares? You shouldn't be thinking "I've been with her for so long, I better get something to show for it", because then, that shows that you value the promise of her "putting out" more than you value her.
You say that you pleasure her outside of intercourse? Is she reciprocating? If she is also going down on you, then you are getting your sexual tension relieved by her, so even if you two don't last, you do, in fact, have something "to show" for it, as much as I loathe that very way of thinking.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 November 2012):
 If she wants to wait for sex and you don't, then clearly you arn't right for eachother.
I think your point about her having sex with the next guy is unfounded. She wants to wait until marriage, so she is going to wait who ever the guy is, you have to respect that about her or else you look like a horny immature jerk.
If you want a girlfriend who you can have intercourse with now...then end things with her and look for someone else.
Nagging her, second guessing her or cheating on her are all signs that it is you who has the problem, perhaps you just have a little more growing up to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): You need to understand that this is a decision she has made, and respect that! "What if the next guy gets sex?" what is with that? My gosh really? Have you read what you wrote? Again you need to respect that she DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX UNTIL SHE IS MARRIED!No what you should be asking is, Do I love this girl? Am I willing to make a commitment like this? Do I respect her decision enough to admire her for keeping her virginity for the man who is to be her husband? Am I going to be that man or do I break up with her because I want sex where it involves intercourse not just foreplay?What is it YOU want? Because your girl knows what she wants.I am sorry if this comes across as harsh but really what you wrote comes across to me as though you are being selfish and not admiring her for her decision. To make this decision would not be one made lightly, and not one made just because she does not want to have 'sex' with you, it would be made on the basis that she feels that she should only give herself to the man she spends her life with as his wife.To be worried that she is "using you as a stepping stone" is a little absurd. To think that she is going to give herself to the next man that she dates is ridiculous, unless he is the one she marries of coures. The Post that you have put on here is about you and your needs not her. You don't need to aproach her about this as you know where she stands and you would be pushing her. Again the question is WHAT AM I GOING TO DO HERE, LET HER GO BECAUSE WE WANT DIFFERENT THINGS OR MARRY HER?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): "what if we break up and the next guy gets it right without even marrying her?"
Then it will be none of your business.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 November 2012):
 What makes you think the "next guy" will get intrecourse from her before marriage? What makes you think there will be a next guy? What makes you think you're not having sex, because sounds to me like you're getting a lot of sex. You're just not getting intercourse.
If you see yourself staying with her then do you think you should marry her? Or are you not interested in marriage?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): First off, you getting worked up about something hasn't happen and may never happen. She has made the rules clear and you decided to bear with it. So if you can't handle it then you already know what you need to do. If she does lose her virginity to another man AFTER you, it's HER body HER decision.
Have you discussed hand jobs and or oral done to you? Is she refusing? If you did and she won't reciprocate, the writings on the wall. If she does and you still are not satisfied, then this is not the relationship for you. Best of luck
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