A
female
age
51-59,
*cotland17
writes:I am sick of everything, I love my man to bits but I hate his ex he has daughter with, she is with someone else now, and has other child, he pays for her takes her three times a week we take her on holiday, I'm the longest raining girlfriend, we don't live together but have been on n off three years. the ex has made life shit in the last three years, dragged him through CSa got his charged for sending txts to her only after she refused to let him see his daughter, he said he absolutely hated her, she used to txt all the time, we split up briefly n he added her to fb, even though he didn't want her knowing his business, I'm not even on it, but he did take her off, n the time we were apart there was a photo appeared by his daughters bed of her mam n dad, he doesn't even have a photo of us n his house. I've been with him through thick n thin we both work away so when we are home it would be nice to spend time with him but we don't seem to even be able to do that, without getting permission for his ex to even go away, she has luxury of seeing her man every day cause she lives with him life revolves round her. I love his girl to bits I'd give her anything but even when we are at home we can't go anywhere three days a week because he has to take her to nursery and he won't change one thing to help us, I have kids I work round mine for him. She doesn't have CSa holding him now as she gets hundreds of pounds every month from him. so what is the deal? i know his daughter comes first but second would be nice, everything is different, she puts on her water works n it's poor her, I put on mine n it tough shit. I've done more for him than anyone n I know he loves me but I'm starting to feel like the outsider, his ex never bothers us when here mans home on leave but min he's away she's never off the fone, like she's looking for reasons to be n touch, she has another daughter by another man n another man is the other kids dad but she doesn't see him or give him grief, I want to move away but now he's on about buying a house n the place he hates. Should I just give up, he's prob not that bothered about me n my family n my needs, sick of it all,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2012): You are so right ems, it's hard I've left before he stalks me till I feel I have to go back for an easy life, other times he's great, give you an example of yesterday, he had his daughter tues wed n put her to school thurs n that's it till the following tues but we live 5 miles from school n his ex asked him to pick up his daughter again yesterday because she wasn't feeling well so our thur went out the window cause he had to run after her arse. I have to wonder what her present sucker oh a man would have to say about my man having to run after her, I wouldn't mind but it was my sons birthday Ann yesterday n I was so down cause I lost him years ago, my partner said what's wrong with u n I said its my son bday in its always hard, n said to him what's wrong with the child's mother picking her up today in he went mental at me, n said her n his daughter are nothing to do with me, she is a total cow. I hate her, n don't know why he's running after her but said he's going it for his daughter, you think she'll have a foto beside her daughters bed oh her n him? Like she told him to put in get house? She's just got engaged, to the new man she's just had a kid with, there has been to much she has done that I can't forgive her. He has a shorter memory it seems fine her life is so good but she doesn't want to see us happy. As for him yes he's controlling, n abusive n it's hard going. Is there a bigger picture here with everything u think after 3 years with him I'd cum second, he says he can't stand the mother but he's a funny way of showing it, I am easy going but I'm sick oh them all yes I think it's time just to move on n move away n let them get the hell on wee it, she is nothing but a scrot, never worked n her life n pumping out kids n getting paid thousands to sit on her house ehole I'm at work bursting my ass n not having luxury off seeing my kids for weeks to keep folk like that, ud think I'm unreasonable that I want to spend time with My own man without interruption from her.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Why have you chosen to stay in a relationship with this man when he treats you so badly? I just don't understand it if you have your own place and a job???
You sound like you are in absolute misery so I am baffled as to why you haven't booted him??
If it's because you love him, you have to ask yourself how much shitty behaviour would it take for you to walk?
He is already a controlling, accusing cheat who keeps you prisoner, but then again I do know that a lot of women get stuck in a cycle of abuse (because it is abuse what he is doing)and it becomes normal.
One thing is 100% certain...HE WILL NEVER CHANGE.
As I see it you have two choices:
1)Dump him and find someone who doesn't behave like a controlling asshole.
2) Stay, accept he's always going to make you feel like shit and just accept that it's your choice and that you are never going to complain about it ever again...cos YOU chose this life.
Just so you understand completely I am going to repeat myself...
HE WILL NEVER CHANGE...because that's who he is.
HE WILL NEVER CHANGE...because he knows he can control you.
HE WILL NEVER CHANGE...because he likes things the way they are for him right now.
As my mother used to say: You made your bed, either lay in it and shut up or get a new bed!!!
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A
female
reader, Scotland17 +, writes (8 November 2012):
Scotland17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thanks for replys well as I said I don't live with him, it's just a difficult situation and I really thought when we got back together things would change everything was great but it's flagging again, wen I'm not with him I'm accused off cheating on him too, but wen we split up he slept with someone else, I never have I just want to be happy he had a drink n the other night n said n anger we will never live together, I think he just doesn't want to see me with anyone else, but I've put everything into this relationship, I just feel like I'm n jail. I've been home from work a week now, spend wed to mon with him he's had his daughter till thurs n he's going to pub tonight, n I've to sit in, ill still be home when he goes back to work but I'm not even allowed out. I was away working for three weeks n I'm sick oh sitting n my house waiting around on him. I'd say to anyone out there as well it's true if he's accusing u of cheating rest assured he was, I don't think he is now. It's great I was moving on with life now I'm back to square one with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): Move out. You have talked to him and he is just not listening. You are not a doormate and neither should you allow any man to treat u so poorly. Just leave, if he loves you and want you back he will make teh change, if not atleast you lnow where you stand.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (6 November 2012):
I think the ball is in his court when it comes to making changes with his ex and for some reason he doesn't seem to want to do that...sometimes you just can never get between certain people and looks likely that this situation will go on forever.
If he isn't listening to you maybe you will come to a decision to quit, at least you have your own place, so disruption to you and your kids will be minimal.
If he really cares about you, he will find a way to make things better...if he doesn't then at least you know where you stand.
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